On Being Paranoid

I don't really know where I got it from, but I suffer from bouts of anxiety. One day, I will be doing just fine...yet if a monkey wrench gets thrown into my usual plans...all goes to hell.

As posted before, I think shows like Oprah have made our world constantly paranoid. Everything will eventually kill us. Put an extra packet of sugar in your coffee as opposed to your usual one, and you might as well start researching coffins on Costco.com.(Seriously they sell coffins there)

Although I poke fun at these shows and how they affect our society, I cannot say that they have no had an impact on my life.

The past few nights I have been having what can be described as "heart fluttering."
After trying to pass if off as a muscle spasm, my brain started to think. Whether it was due to my actual nerves or the fact that I had been watching X-Files at the time, I started to become paranoid. What was inside of my body that was making my heart do this? Was this irregularity in my heartbeats due to caffeine, exercise, or Aliens. After I discounted the last one, I started to look on the always inviting google.

It seems that google is now synonymous with "answer" lately. At least for me, whenever there is a question that is troubling me, I look to my friend google because there is surely no other credible source.

I am getting off track. After searching google for a little while I came upon forum after forum of people who were posting their experiences with "heart fluttering." Now keep in mind that nothing that I looked at were websites of legitimate doctors. To me this makes sense because if doctors can make a thousand dollars just for making you take your pants off in a small white room, why would they give away free advice on the internet?

Yet, the absence of doctors didn't trouble me. It also didn't trouble me that rather than looking at websites such as "Health Talk" or "Virtual Doctor", I stumbled upon sites such as "Bob's Health Talk" and "BringPartyofFivebackontheair.com"

I was just amused that there were people who were experiencing what I was: seemingly imminent death. Not only did they write about their own personal terrors, they used the same exclamation points that I would have used had I posted. I AM DYING!!!!
My World is Ending? Jason Priestly is a God?!

Anyway, just by knowing that there are other people out there who experience what I am, I feel better. I don't really know where this post is going but I guess if millions of people are going to freak out about their health, at least they are in the crowd and aren't going through it alone.

I will probably die in my sleep