I, Reid Volk, am going tackle a topic that is very difficult. I do know full well that this may turn my friends, family, and possibly my local Yoplait dealer against me. Yet, I do feel like I need to address this issue....so here it goes...
I do not understand why people put Yogurt into their bodies. Notice that I did not say eat or drink. This is because you cannot eat or drink Yogurt, you ingest it.
If you say that you eat yogurt your fooling yourself. While some may make the chewing motion while this stuff is in their mouth, there is nothing to chew. It will say this again because it is something that needs to be repeated...There is nothing to Chew! You might as well try to drink it, but ah Ha! my next point!
You cannot drink this stuff either. It's just a tad too thick. One company tried to market a drinkable yogurt and I was so angry that I held my breath until I passed out. Drinkable yogurt is really just Vitamin D Water, or Dairy Water. Neither of these are comforting to me and that is why I don't buy this filth.
In Essence, you ingest it. In order to do that, one must grab a spoon or a spork (Thank God some people still find this a useful utensil). Then, one must dig into the plastic container to retrieve this "food." Which is a whole other reason not to touch this stuff, how demeaning is it that you have to take a least a half hour to dig into a container, just to enjoy this product. It's homework in a cup and nobody likes homework. Once, you get this stuff out, you then have to put it in your mouth and your mouth has to decide what to do with it.
While a person could just tilt their head back and experience this gelatinous mold slither down their throats, most people prefer to just push it around with their tounge until it is in a position to swallow.
On top of this, what is the point of putting it in your body?
There are very few calories, so you cannot claim your ingesting it just to get some good calories in you. Also, If you claim that your eating it because its a low calorie snack, then your an idiot because while it may be low in calories, its not filling. If its not filling then its not worth eating because then as soon as your done, its like you never ate anything at all. Tylenol is more filling and at least you won't have a headache afterwards from trying to figure out why the hell you ate it in the first place.
Overall, yogurt is filth. There is no reason why anyone should eat it. If you really feel like you must get your yogurt "fix". Then dig your fingers in the container and rub it on your tounge because other than that, yogurt is absolutely worthless.
Worthless
4 comments:
Nice entry, Reid.
Indeed, "The Yogurt Manifesto" may go down in the annals of history as a very important peice of American literature -- and I'm glad I got to witness its inception.
Like owls, yogurt doesn't necessarily bother me, it's just a waste of time; however, at the sake of playing devil's advocate, I think there is some nutritional value in yogurt: isn't it high in protein?
At any rate, I do agree with your assessment regarding the frustrating ambiguity of yogurt's texture -- that's why I always opt for the "frozen" route, because it feels like I'm eating ice cream, and at the very least, I can identify it as such.
Plus, year after year, is there a more consistently cool and provocative nickname than "Fro Yo"?
You are such a strange boy.
You must at least acknowledge (for my sake if not for anything else) that frozen go-gurts are fantastic. I mean, you introduced them to me. And here you are, slandering the yogurt empire.
remember how techno would eat a go-gurt everynight before he went to bed
...he's awesome
i love yogurt.
also, there is sufficient evidence that yogurt speeds up slow intestinal transit and helps regulate the digestive system.
meaning...yogurt helps you poop.
sometimes our bodies need a little help and i'm glad that my friend yogurt is willing and able.
i do still have one question:
does yogurt come from the milk of Yogi The Bear?
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