I have never been a big fan of Mother Teresa. Before some of you get upset, hear me out. All of my life I have never known anything about mother Teresa other than she was supposedly a wonderful human being. Upon hearing these comments I then immediately went back to thinking about whatever I was or was not doing at the time. (Eating A Bagel, Writing My Memoir, Skin Grafting)
I believe it be due to proximity. I had never encountered this lady or anyone whom she had personal contact with. This coupled with the fact that most of her work was done in Calcutta meant that other than a brief reference from a teacher, I knew nothing of her.
My relationship with Mother Teresa was akin to my relationship to Larry Bird. I have heard from some people that there was a basketball player named Larry Bird. On top of this, I have heard that he was an amazing basketball player. However, I do not know anybody whom has been to a game that Bird played in. Nor have I ever watched a Celtics game in my entire life. I also don't think I was mentally stable enough at the age of seven to see one of his last games in 1992. Therefore, he is this distant figure, whom I personally know nothing about but have heard nothing but great things. Just like Mother Teresa.
(By the way, this may be my only sports reference that you will ever see in this blog and I'm sorry it wasn't more obscure for you avid sports fans. I know that Larry Bird is the go to guy for white losers like me, while names such as "Pistol" Pete Maravich and Bill Russell would have put a smile on the faces of those whom are probably too busy checking their fantasy sports teams rather than appreciating this blog.)
Anyway, Now that I have clearly established a strained relationship with Agnes(her first name), I have recently realized what an amazing woman that she was.
Aside from living on Time Magazine's list of 100 most influential people, her name is used in daily conversation as if it were synonymous with perfect. We have all heard sentences uttered such as, "Who do you think you are? Mother Teresa?" While her name is good for serving the purpose to make people feel bad for trying to do something nice for once in their lives, I have recently come to discover that what makes her beautiful is not her perfection, but how outspoken she was about her imperfection.
A while back, an article was written about her in the aforementioned Time Magazine. While this is one of her nearly hundred of appearances in this magazine, this was trumpeted as the defining moment in how the public should view her. Her diary that she requested to be burned after her death, was put in the church's hands and given over to the people. In in, she chronicled correspondence that she had with a particular individual in which she expressed that she had times in her life where she did not feel God's presence. She once wrote, “In my own soul, I feel the terrible pain of this loss. I feel that God does not want me, that God is not God and that he does not really exist.” (Religionnewsblog.com)
CNN also dedicated serious time to this discovery. They paraded this diary around as if it were proof that someone such as Mother Teresa was not perfect. This crisis in faith was now the definitive proof that a self proclaimed woman of God was not and could never be perfect.
I know that I am a little late on this train, but reading into the story more, I don't think I could ever be more encouraged than I am right now.
There was a woman, whom felt that God was calling her to live and feed the homeless in Calcutta. Not only did she do it, but she wasn't perfect. She had the same feelings that all of us have. Christians, Non Christians, Agnostics, Whomever. She questioned her very nature on this earth. She was not bestowed with supernatural gifts that made her impervious to pain. She hurt so bad that she constantly felt that this God who called her there may not have even existed.
To me, she is now finally someone I can tangibly empathize with. She won't be used in any of my sentences to ridicule someone for trying to live within the realm of unattainable perfection.
Does that mean that all of my bags are packed and I am ready to move to Calcutta tomorrow to carry on her work? No
Because as of now I am not as strong of a person as she was. But it is within my reach and anyone else's for that matter.
Anyone on this planet can make an immense difference and bring joy and love to those who seem so far from it. We may all need to grow a bit, but it is within our reach.
That is how I was encouraged by by Mother Teresa today.
I know it's like beating a dead horse, but she was a pretty amazing lady.
I do believe that God is there. That Jesus Christ died for our sins. That there is love in this world. That we can experience love on a daily basis, even when it seems like there is nothing there. I don't believe that all the time because sometimes I have bad days, but I try the best I can.
We just need to step outside of ourselves sometimes to feel it.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
Being Difficult, Being 20: Part 1: You Cannot Always Get What You Want
College is done. It has been finished for some time. As I sit here now I currently hold a degree, yet I hold no clue as to what I am to be doing in the future.
I also know that as I sit here I am and desire to always be special, not your average run of the mill. I know that my last sentence is one that everyone on the planet says to themselves numerous times during their lives, even if it is subconsciously.
It seems to me that we all desire to live better than those around us because the best way to know your worth is by comparing yourself to your peers. In turn, that desire causes us to do crazy things to set ourselves apart. i.e: go to college, write a book, start a blog, and so on.
Cause when we go to college and make plans for our future, or finally put that pen to paper, it reassures us that we will not go unnoticed. We will not rot behind a desk at a company that cares nothing for me. I will not watch my passion for life dwindle. I will not, I will not, I will not...
I want to be noticed, and it has never been more apparent until I graduated from college. Cause after college what do you do? You get a job, just like everyone else and you rot away.
I have honestly had two thoughts that have run through my head ever since I graduated.
1) I need to get back into college
2) I should write a book
When your growing up it is easy to set yourself apart from the rest. Hence why there are clicks. Your are athletic or your into music and art. While you have have a small group of cronies whom have the same interests as you, your still unique. Your an amazing athlete with so much promise, or you like magic trading cards and listening to black metal while the adults around you feel that you are going through, "a bit of a phase."
Once college hits, you carry that promise with you. College sparks all kinds of interests and experimentation. You find yourself picketing for minority rights out in front of your college bookstore or taking a class on things that you never imagined one could study. You are just...you.
Yet, when you finally exit your college years. Things get a bit tricky. This is the time when your "supposed" to get a job. This "job" thing is the very same thing that your parents have. Not only your parents, but those kids whom you went to high school with that you felt never measured up to their "true potential." To most people in their early 20's, a job means that you suit up and sell out.
However, if you truly wish to circumvent this seemingly tragic ending. There are steps you can take and they are two-fold.
1) Go Back To College
2) Write a Book
Looking at option one is indeed a daunting task. Not only does your sense of accomplishment for having getting your BA go down the drain since their are new goals ahead of you, but it is also a really hard task getting into graduate school. Especially in this economy.
So if your like me, you are currently looking at option two.
However, in my next installment I will look at how this isn't an easy option either.
I also know that as I sit here I am and desire to always be special, not your average run of the mill. I know that my last sentence is one that everyone on the planet says to themselves numerous times during their lives, even if it is subconsciously.
It seems to me that we all desire to live better than those around us because the best way to know your worth is by comparing yourself to your peers. In turn, that desire causes us to do crazy things to set ourselves apart. i.e: go to college, write a book, start a blog, and so on.
Cause when we go to college and make plans for our future, or finally put that pen to paper, it reassures us that we will not go unnoticed. We will not rot behind a desk at a company that cares nothing for me. I will not watch my passion for life dwindle. I will not, I will not, I will not...
I want to be noticed, and it has never been more apparent until I graduated from college. Cause after college what do you do? You get a job, just like everyone else and you rot away.
I have honestly had two thoughts that have run through my head ever since I graduated.
1) I need to get back into college
2) I should write a book
When your growing up it is easy to set yourself apart from the rest. Hence why there are clicks. Your are athletic or your into music and art. While you have have a small group of cronies whom have the same interests as you, your still unique. Your an amazing athlete with so much promise, or you like magic trading cards and listening to black metal while the adults around you feel that you are going through, "a bit of a phase."
Once college hits, you carry that promise with you. College sparks all kinds of interests and experimentation. You find yourself picketing for minority rights out in front of your college bookstore or taking a class on things that you never imagined one could study. You are just...you.
Yet, when you finally exit your college years. Things get a bit tricky. This is the time when your "supposed" to get a job. This "job" thing is the very same thing that your parents have. Not only your parents, but those kids whom you went to high school with that you felt never measured up to their "true potential." To most people in their early 20's, a job means that you suit up and sell out.
However, if you truly wish to circumvent this seemingly tragic ending. There are steps you can take and they are two-fold.
1) Go Back To College
2) Write a Book
Looking at option one is indeed a daunting task. Not only does your sense of accomplishment for having getting your BA go down the drain since their are new goals ahead of you, but it is also a really hard task getting into graduate school. Especially in this economy.
So if your like me, you are currently looking at option two.
However, in my next installment I will look at how this isn't an easy option either.
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