I have been gone. I have been gone in Japan. I have been gone and missing my blog. I didn't want to write while I was in Japan. The reason being that during the day I don't think I would do certain things if I knew that I was going to have to write about them later. I know this sounds bizarre ,but, about 75 percent of the things I do during a single day involve not brain activity whatsoever. For example, I am going to let the cat out of the bag here on this one, but during one night in Tokyo we were having sushi. As I was about so slide the delicious fish down my gullet I noticed a giant green ball of wasabi out of the corner of my eye. Without a single movement of my brain, I picked up the glowing ball with my chopsticks and threw it into my mouth. Exit brain thought, enter chaos. It didn't make sense and it shouldn't. As an "adult" now, I shouldn't be shoving balls of wasabi in my mouth just cause I saw it. Yet, I don't regret it personally. I am however, having to defend myself here and that is not something I wanted to do on a daily basis. So I just decided to forgo writing.
I am back now, so here I go.
In the New Yorker, Elizabeth Kolbert attempted to answer why we are so fat?
We know that the simple answer is that we eat too much and don't exercise. We desire quantity and nix quality. Yet, Liz writes that in the old days people had smaller brains and therefore, required less food to fuel those brains. We as a people nowadays have larger brains and now need to eat more to fuel our brains.
She writes: "Brains are calorically demanding organs. Our distant ancestors had small ones. Australopithecus afarensis, for example, who lived some three million years ago, had a cranial capacity of about four hundred cubic centimetres, which is roughly the same as a chimpanzee’s. Modern humans have a cranial capacity of about thirteen hundred cubic centimetres."
My problem with Liz's hypothesis is this. If we have bigger brains to fuel now, shouldn't we be seeing smarter people? Cause I am just seeing the bigger bodies, yet it seems we are leaking common sense. I mean have you seen the hills? Seriously, Have you?
Monday, July 13, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
A Hard Lesson to Learn
Ever since I was a young child, a young lad, I was enrolled in school. There really never was a time that I can remember when I wasn't somehow attached to school. Summer vacations and other time off were just, "a break from school." My indentured servitude to the educational system meant that my whole schedule depended on whether I had school or not.
I remember specifically one day my mom woke me up and said that we were going to play "hooky" (Hook-Key) from school. At first I was bewildered. Not only was I trying to regroup myself after nearly 8 grueling hours of REM Sleep, but I was unfamiliar with what "hooky" was. I thought maybe this was a game that my mother used to play when she was younger. My mind leaped to thoughts of games such as kick the can or other Depression era "time fillers," which made the enthusiasm leave my body immediately. Yet, after more thought, I realized those thoughts didn't make sense chronologically since my mom would have to be near one hundred years old in order for her to be alive during the depression and I alas conceded to this so called "hooky."
It was a very pleasant day. We visited our local IN and Out Burger and spent time there for a couple of hours. After that, we went to the cinemas to lose our minds in some celluloid. I soon came to find out that "hooky" was just a day away from school. I really loved that my mom did that for me, but then I began to wonder what was happening at school without me. Due to the fact that I had always been in school and my life seemed to revolve around it like the earth to the sun, I was very concerned for my classmates. This coupled with a young, naive, and egocentric state of mind, meant that I couldn't conceive of what school was doing without me!
At first I just assumed that the teachers came to school and as they scanned through the role sheet, everything just stopped. Reid was not in attendance. Why go on? Disillusioned, they shuffled out the door and prayed that I would return safely the next day.
While I was flattered by the first thought, my mind began to jump to more terrifying scenarios. I imagined that because I was not at school people were freaking out to the point where the school just descended into chaos. Terrorists were claiming that they were going to execute people one by one if I did not return to hear my English teacher's preplanned lecture on, "Finnigan's Wake."
While you may think there is no way I would think this as a Jr. Higher, I assured you that thoughts like this did go through my mind. Although I didn't take them seriously enough to go looking up the number for the SWAT task force in the Yellow Pages, I did spend ample time thinking about this stuff. I attribute this to not only a wicked and subversive imagination, but the fact that the TNT station constantly showed the movie Delta Force starring Chuck Norris.
Needless to say, since I had never been away from school. I could not picture my life without it. Upon my return, I realized that everything that been ok. There was no serious threats on anyones lives and my teachers actually seemed ok with me not being there.
While this may seem like a good thing to a lot of people, I was kind of disheartened to learn that this world didn't revolve around me. As I am older now, I feel like I am learning that lesson over and over everyday. Although I am relieved that it doesn't revolve around me since I don't believe I would be a fantastic world leader, I do wish the nation would anxiously await my next blog post.
P.S - I do believe most of the world do in fact read my blog and eagerly await my every word.
To them I have to say:
Dear Obama, Bono, Carrot-Top, and others whom love my work:
Thank you for all your support over the year(s). You guys keep me going on. I appreciate your comments and understand your anonymity.
Love,
Reid
I remember specifically one day my mom woke me up and said that we were going to play "hooky" (Hook-Key) from school. At first I was bewildered. Not only was I trying to regroup myself after nearly 8 grueling hours of REM Sleep, but I was unfamiliar with what "hooky" was. I thought maybe this was a game that my mother used to play when she was younger. My mind leaped to thoughts of games such as kick the can or other Depression era "time fillers," which made the enthusiasm leave my body immediately. Yet, after more thought, I realized those thoughts didn't make sense chronologically since my mom would have to be near one hundred years old in order for her to be alive during the depression and I alas conceded to this so called "hooky."
It was a very pleasant day. We visited our local IN and Out Burger and spent time there for a couple of hours. After that, we went to the cinemas to lose our minds in some celluloid. I soon came to find out that "hooky" was just a day away from school. I really loved that my mom did that for me, but then I began to wonder what was happening at school without me. Due to the fact that I had always been in school and my life seemed to revolve around it like the earth to the sun, I was very concerned for my classmates. This coupled with a young, naive, and egocentric state of mind, meant that I couldn't conceive of what school was doing without me!
At first I just assumed that the teachers came to school and as they scanned through the role sheet, everything just stopped. Reid was not in attendance. Why go on? Disillusioned, they shuffled out the door and prayed that I would return safely the next day.
While I was flattered by the first thought, my mind began to jump to more terrifying scenarios. I imagined that because I was not at school people were freaking out to the point where the school just descended into chaos. Terrorists were claiming that they were going to execute people one by one if I did not return to hear my English teacher's preplanned lecture on, "Finnigan's Wake."
While you may think there is no way I would think this as a Jr. Higher, I assured you that thoughts like this did go through my mind. Although I didn't take them seriously enough to go looking up the number for the SWAT task force in the Yellow Pages, I did spend ample time thinking about this stuff. I attribute this to not only a wicked and subversive imagination, but the fact that the TNT station constantly showed the movie Delta Force starring Chuck Norris.
Needless to say, since I had never been away from school. I could not picture my life without it. Upon my return, I realized that everything that been ok. There was no serious threats on anyones lives and my teachers actually seemed ok with me not being there.
While this may seem like a good thing to a lot of people, I was kind of disheartened to learn that this world didn't revolve around me. As I am older now, I feel like I am learning that lesson over and over everyday. Although I am relieved that it doesn't revolve around me since I don't believe I would be a fantastic world leader, I do wish the nation would anxiously await my next blog post.
P.S - I do believe most of the world do in fact read my blog and eagerly await my every word.
To them I have to say:
Dear Obama, Bono, Carrot-Top, and others whom love my work:
Thank you for all your support over the year(s). You guys keep me going on. I appreciate your comments and understand your anonymity.
Love,
Reid
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Loving Lit
I don't know if any of you have had the pleasure of seeing a man sporting a t-shirt that has the phrase, "so many books, so little time" on it. If you have you are probably aware how wonderful a moment such as this is. The sweatshirt is clearly the crux of the outfit while the rest of the ensemble is usually an afterthought. It is clear that as long as the sweatshirt is readable to the general public, then the person does not care about the rest.
If you happen to catch a man of this caliber walking around your neighborhood then you are aware of the impact he has on your life. If you are not a fan of books, then you most likely will scoff at the man's seemingly offbeat attire. For the record this is all speculation because I do not fall into that camp. I, and others who are a big fan of books, look at this man and understand his concern. We not only empathize, but we mentally applaud him for expressing himself. There is just so many books to read and so little time to read them.
I had a professor at UCSC whom wore that shirt constantly. I loved this man. He was not only an amazing history professor, but he had an uncanny resemblance to author David Sedaris.
Sedaris entered my life early in High School. My mother tried to get me to read a copy of his novel "Naked" many times. However, I didn't pick it up cause I was at the time too occupied with the Harry Potter series. Yet, it all worked out in the end because J.K Rowling took so long to come out with her fifth book that I forgot all that had happened in the series so far and thus decided to abandon Hogwarts altogether. After my bitter departure from that magical series, I drowned my sorrows in another book. Luckily, my rebound affair turned out to be Sedaris's, "Dress Your Family In Corduroy." I was just fascinated that someone could take the world around them and pick apart life's little idiosyncrasies in such a way where you cannot help but laugh. Although Sedaris was truly a gateway drug into my life of books, it wasn't until I picked up a copy of Kurt Vonnegut's "Slaughterhouse Five" that I finally learned just how important literature is.
I had always heard the title "Slaughterhouse Five" growing up. Now that I think of it, it is funny that I had never picked up the book before being the horror movie fan that I am because nothing screams macabre more than, "Slaughterhouse Five." After I had read the first part of the book I knew that this guy had the same thing that Sedaris had, yet he had the gaul to deal with life. Don't get me wrong, I love stories of Sedaris's that deal with the unflushable turd that haunted him at a friend's dinner party, but using humor to explore the parts of life that normally scare us is absolutely brilliant. To me it seems there really is no other way to deal with the things that terrify us, because as Mr. Vonnegut said himself, "Humor is an almost physiological response to fear."
I could go on talking about this book all night. I could even talk about my "favorite parts" that really inspired me. Yet, the point of this blog was just to let you know how I was first introduced to one of my favorite authors in hopes to inspire you to pick up one of his novels.
I guess I could leave you with a couple of Vonnegut quotes.
"The feeling about a soldier is, when all is said and done, he wasn't really going to do very much with his life anyway. The example usually is: he wasn't going to compose Beethoven's Fifth."
"Who is more to be pitied, a writer bound and gagged by policemen or one living in perfect freedom who has nothing more to say?"
"Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae."
"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward."
"People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order so they'll have good voice boxes in case there's ever anything really meaningful to say."
If you happen to catch a man of this caliber walking around your neighborhood then you are aware of the impact he has on your life. If you are not a fan of books, then you most likely will scoff at the man's seemingly offbeat attire. For the record this is all speculation because I do not fall into that camp. I, and others who are a big fan of books, look at this man and understand his concern. We not only empathize, but we mentally applaud him for expressing himself. There is just so many books to read and so little time to read them.
I had a professor at UCSC whom wore that shirt constantly. I loved this man. He was not only an amazing history professor, but he had an uncanny resemblance to author David Sedaris.
Sedaris entered my life early in High School. My mother tried to get me to read a copy of his novel "Naked" many times. However, I didn't pick it up cause I was at the time too occupied with the Harry Potter series. Yet, it all worked out in the end because J.K Rowling took so long to come out with her fifth book that I forgot all that had happened in the series so far and thus decided to abandon Hogwarts altogether. After my bitter departure from that magical series, I drowned my sorrows in another book. Luckily, my rebound affair turned out to be Sedaris's, "Dress Your Family In Corduroy." I was just fascinated that someone could take the world around them and pick apart life's little idiosyncrasies in such a way where you cannot help but laugh. Although Sedaris was truly a gateway drug into my life of books, it wasn't until I picked up a copy of Kurt Vonnegut's "Slaughterhouse Five" that I finally learned just how important literature is.
I had always heard the title "Slaughterhouse Five" growing up. Now that I think of it, it is funny that I had never picked up the book before being the horror movie fan that I am because nothing screams macabre more than, "Slaughterhouse Five." After I had read the first part of the book I knew that this guy had the same thing that Sedaris had, yet he had the gaul to deal with life. Don't get me wrong, I love stories of Sedaris's that deal with the unflushable turd that haunted him at a friend's dinner party, but using humor to explore the parts of life that normally scare us is absolutely brilliant. To me it seems there really is no other way to deal with the things that terrify us, because as Mr. Vonnegut said himself, "Humor is an almost physiological response to fear."
I could go on talking about this book all night. I could even talk about my "favorite parts" that really inspired me. Yet, the point of this blog was just to let you know how I was first introduced to one of my favorite authors in hopes to inspire you to pick up one of his novels.
I guess I could leave you with a couple of Vonnegut quotes.
"The feeling about a soldier is, when all is said and done, he wasn't really going to do very much with his life anyway. The example usually is: he wasn't going to compose Beethoven's Fifth."
"Who is more to be pitied, a writer bound and gagged by policemen or one living in perfect freedom who has nothing more to say?"
"Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae."
"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward."
"People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order so they'll have good voice boxes in case there's ever anything really meaningful to say."
Friday, May 1, 2009
Movie Reviews!
I recently attended the midnight showing of X-Men Origins: Wolverine.
This film is a true representation of how you can strip away anything good of a franchise and replace it with explosions just so you can make more money. I get it, fire is super cool. The cavemen totally dug it because you know....it helped them sustain life. It is clearly really special because we don't really rely on fire that much anymore to sustain life, yet we keep it around just so people can have a focal point during their political discussions at your dinner parties that you host every couple of weeks to impress your friends and prove to them that you and your wife are not reclusive. (I know it was a major run on sentence, but i'm proving a point.)
Fire is neat. It is impressive and it's kind of fun to splurge and buy the Dura-Flame log that creates different color flames. However, I feel it should be used sparingly in a motion picture. You know...to create drama.
An explosion is the pinnacle of action. Tension is created by the threat of something going to explode. That is how MacGyver existed as a television series. Every episode dealt with him attempting to prevent explosion and that was it. He knew that if the bomb blew, that would be it.
Yet, the director of this film, Gavin Hood, apparently had never watched MacGuyver. Which is really weird considering that he had previously acted in episodes of Stargate SG-1 which starred Macgyver himself, Richard Dean Anderson.
Anyway, Mr. Hood decided to just fill the Wolverine film with tons of poorly executed explosions and awful dialogue. There was no tension building. There was no, "Holy Heck! That bomb is going to go off anytime soon! Let's get out of here or we'll all die!"
It was just boom. Boom. Boom.
I know that superhero films require a suspension of belief when you enter the cinema, but it is truly unbelievable that the director could make a movie with so much explosions and so little heart.
But, they already have my money. So I guess I'll be seeing all of you guys next year at the midnight showing of "Big Explosions: The Movie"
This film is a true representation of how you can strip away anything good of a franchise and replace it with explosions just so you can make more money. I get it, fire is super cool. The cavemen totally dug it because you know....it helped them sustain life. It is clearly really special because we don't really rely on fire that much anymore to sustain life, yet we keep it around just so people can have a focal point during their political discussions at your dinner parties that you host every couple of weeks to impress your friends and prove to them that you and your wife are not reclusive. (I know it was a major run on sentence, but i'm proving a point.)
Fire is neat. It is impressive and it's kind of fun to splurge and buy the Dura-Flame log that creates different color flames. However, I feel it should be used sparingly in a motion picture. You know...to create drama.
An explosion is the pinnacle of action. Tension is created by the threat of something going to explode. That is how MacGyver existed as a television series. Every episode dealt with him attempting to prevent explosion and that was it. He knew that if the bomb blew, that would be it.
Yet, the director of this film, Gavin Hood, apparently had never watched MacGuyver. Which is really weird considering that he had previously acted in episodes of Stargate SG-1 which starred Macgyver himself, Richard Dean Anderson.
Anyway, Mr. Hood decided to just fill the Wolverine film with tons of poorly executed explosions and awful dialogue. There was no tension building. There was no, "Holy Heck! That bomb is going to go off anytime soon! Let's get out of here or we'll all die!"
It was just boom. Boom. Boom.
I know that superhero films require a suspension of belief when you enter the cinema, but it is truly unbelievable that the director could make a movie with so much explosions and so little heart.
But, they already have my money. So I guess I'll be seeing all of you guys next year at the midnight showing of "Big Explosions: The Movie"
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
The Red Scare Clothing Company
I think I want to start a new company. This company would be a clothing company that supports communism. Why? It just seems like a good idea. Also, I think mildly confused teenagers would wear it thinking that they are making a profound statement about themselves, when in reality the general public knows that they have no idea of the implications. Just look at the surplus of Che shirts purchased at your local Hot Topic. Trust me...there is a market for my shirts.
It would be called "The Red Scare Clothing Company." I think it has a nice ring to it.
Am I Communist? No.
If I were around, would I have been totally pumped by the Bolshevik Revolution of 1917? Not Particularly.
Do I wanna make a quick buck by selling eccentric T-Shirts to high schoolers whom are in the process of finding their "true" identity? Of Course.
I have some good shirt ideas also. Close your eyes and pretend these are printed on a big red Hanes Beefy-T.
"You've Got A Friend In Me. And I've Got a Friend in Senator Joe McCarthy."
"Berlin Would Be For Lovers, Had They Not Gotten Rid of that Wall!"
"Seriously, is there anything that Capitalism hasn't ruined? I mean General Motors has been driven (pun intended) into the ground! Let's go back to the only ideology that mattered. I mean seriously...Communism was pretty legit."
"Russia had it right!"
"I hate Ed Hardy! But heart the Chinese Red Army!"
I do know that this won't be an easy task and also know that some dangers may arise in the future. The one that looms over my head the most is what happens if another Iron Curtain descends over Europe. America will then find itself in another battle against communism. If this happens, I'm most likely going to be tried for Sedition. Which really sucks cause I bet people like that get no respect in prison. People who murder someone can strike fear into the other inmates. I don't think anyone will be scared of someone who is in prison for saying stuff that the government particularly agree with. Not to mention the countless times I have to explain to people in the big house what Sedition even means.
Maybe I shouldn't do this after all.
It would be called "The Red Scare Clothing Company." I think it has a nice ring to it.
Am I Communist? No.
If I were around, would I have been totally pumped by the Bolshevik Revolution of 1917? Not Particularly.
Do I wanna make a quick buck by selling eccentric T-Shirts to high schoolers whom are in the process of finding their "true" identity? Of Course.
I have some good shirt ideas also. Close your eyes and pretend these are printed on a big red Hanes Beefy-T.
"You've Got A Friend In Me. And I've Got a Friend in Senator Joe McCarthy."
"Berlin Would Be For Lovers, Had They Not Gotten Rid of that Wall!"
"Seriously, is there anything that Capitalism hasn't ruined? I mean General Motors has been driven (pun intended) into the ground! Let's go back to the only ideology that mattered. I mean seriously...Communism was pretty legit."
"Russia had it right!"
"I hate Ed Hardy! But heart the Chinese Red Army!"
I do know that this won't be an easy task and also know that some dangers may arise in the future. The one that looms over my head the most is what happens if another Iron Curtain descends over Europe. America will then find itself in another battle against communism. If this happens, I'm most likely going to be tried for Sedition. Which really sucks cause I bet people like that get no respect in prison. People who murder someone can strike fear into the other inmates. I don't think anyone will be scared of someone who is in prison for saying stuff that the government particularly agree with. Not to mention the countless times I have to explain to people in the big house what Sedition even means.
Maybe I shouldn't do this after all.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
All Over The Place
My brother's wedding was last night. Weddings are absolutely beautiful. Everyone leaves their problems at the door and are there to celebrate two people dedicating their lives to one another. There is nothing like weddings, just like there is no place like airports. Do you know of a place where utter happiness and absolute despair co-exist in one place besides the airport?
Because of the wedding I am very happy for my brother. Yet, I find myself up late at night just being a big bag of mixed emotions.
Everywhere I look on the net there is something there to lead me into the next plane of thought.
If you wish to follow me:
Go to Dredg's myspace (myspace.com/dredg) and listen to their new song "I Don't Know" where they sing about how it is impossible to know truly what happens when you die. Since their is no way to understand what happens after you die, then you should just stop trying to find a real answer. Although I don't totally agree with it, it is interesting to think about should you choose to go down that path.
If you don't wish to do that. Then try to get some sleep. I know that I should but my brain won't shut off.
Because of the wedding I am very happy for my brother. Yet, I find myself up late at night just being a big bag of mixed emotions.
Everywhere I look on the net there is something there to lead me into the next plane of thought.
If you wish to follow me:
Go to Dredg's myspace (myspace.com/dredg) and listen to their new song "I Don't Know" where they sing about how it is impossible to know truly what happens when you die. Since their is no way to understand what happens after you die, then you should just stop trying to find a real answer. Although I don't totally agree with it, it is interesting to think about should you choose to go down that path.
If you don't wish to do that. Then try to get some sleep. I know that I should but my brain won't shut off.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Orality
This morning. I had some of my wisdom teeth pulled. Naturally I was a little worried seeing as how I don't like surgery. Weird huh?
The night before the surgery I decided to use the internet to find out just how long my recovery time might be. At first, I thought this was a mistake since I had stumbled upon some horror stories about people's jaws breaking during surgery. After a brief panic and trying to think of ways to get around my death at the hands of someone who statistically might already be having thoughts of suicide, I began to find some internet bloggers whom began to assure me that everything was going to be fine.
What intially made me so paranoid I found out was that I was looking on the wrong websites. Starting out with sites like Web M.D, I was only being barraged with the opinions of people above the age of 30. You know, people who are typically seen as "Mature Adults." This group of people seemed to be afraid of everything. Not only had they heard stories about jaws being broken during surgery, but that the medicine prescribed to them was causing them to slip into fortnight long comas. (I have always wanted to use fortnight in a sentence so back off.)
Yet, while the mature adults were mainly concerned with just living through the teeth pulling ordeal, I soon found that the younger generation of bloggers brought me more joy than I could have ever imagined to find on the internet.
Most of the younger generation of bloggers were mainly concerened with whether they could go to a party that night. They are well aware that the doctors urge patients to get plenty of rest and take good care of their mouths. Yet, social suicide appears to be more daunting to them than a wee bit of "Dry Socket." Also why sit and home and watch Turner Classic Movies hopped up on Vicodine, when you can just take the pills with your alcohol and play a little game called, "I hope I wake up in the morning." Although I knew these kids were quite stupid, their mildly educated words gave me comfort throughout the night.
When the surgery came around, I was ready. I was mentally prepared and convinced that I would walk out of the office feeling simply fantastic. This new mindset was quite comforting to me and it carried me all the way until I got into the actual chair and was shown a video about the things that "may go wrong" during the surgery.
Now I am all for patients being informed about all the prodding that a doctor will be inflicting on their body, but I feel as though it should be somewhat sugar coated unless otherwise specified by the patient.
The surgeon could have told me soon he would given me a lollipop that once I finished the entire treat that my teeth would have magically disappeared painfree and I would have been thrilled. Although I know it was a blatant lie, I would have appreciated the comfort and been happy that he wasn't too far along in his dental depression to still find the happiness to make a few quips.
However, he chose to show me a video that informed me that I may never again experience things such as: taste, feeling in my lips, sinus comfort, the ability to stop bleeding, the joy that comes from a beating heart, and other things of that nature. This litany of pain again put me in a state of discomfort. Yet, I found out the reason why they show you that film before the surgery. The reason is this, it really doesn't matter what they show you before the surgery because once they get the drugs in you, your thoughts don't matter.
As soon as I was mainlined with the morphine or whatever sedative was given to me, my fears just melted away. The only thing I remember of the surgery was that there were a couple of pairs of hands in my mouth at one time. Apparently the sedative was strong because I could not have been more delighted with the taste of latex and having my mouth stretched to its limits.
Once I came to, the surgery was over. My mouth was full of gauze and I could not believe that the surgery had concluded. I no longer cared about the macabre details of my surgery, I just told myself that the magical lollipop had abraded my mouth till it was raw.
In the end, you can spend all of your life fretting about surgery, or you just can fix your mind on things such as drugs. I know that sentence probably doesn't fly with parents or any of the bloggers over 30 on Web M.D. But, as long as the anesthetics are strong, worrying won't do you any good. Let's just be thankful that when we don't walk into a doctor's office they don't just hand us a bottle of hard alcohol and say, "Let's see what we can do." Cause in those days there is a good chance that that sentence really meant, "You should have probably just ignored the pain because I am most likely going to kill you."
P.S. - I know this joke is probably extremely old, but why are they called wisdom teeth? Cause when a dentist says, "You got some wisdom teeth coming in." We're sitting in the chair thinking, "Good, it's about time." So it's naturally a shock when they want to take them out.
I say from an early age the dentist should call these teeth, "Evil Death Teeth." Cause then patients would probably be more eager to try to get them extracted. Consequently, dentists would get paid more since more people would be lining up to get their, "Evil Death Teeth" taken away. That would boost the economy and we'll be out of this recession in no time.
See, you may find most of my posts to be vain and self-indulgent, but at least you'll have something to talk about at your next dinner party since pretty much the econonmy is all anyone talks about anymore.
The night before the surgery I decided to use the internet to find out just how long my recovery time might be. At first, I thought this was a mistake since I had stumbled upon some horror stories about people's jaws breaking during surgery. After a brief panic and trying to think of ways to get around my death at the hands of someone who statistically might already be having thoughts of suicide, I began to find some internet bloggers whom began to assure me that everything was going to be fine.
What intially made me so paranoid I found out was that I was looking on the wrong websites. Starting out with sites like Web M.D, I was only being barraged with the opinions of people above the age of 30. You know, people who are typically seen as "Mature Adults." This group of people seemed to be afraid of everything. Not only had they heard stories about jaws being broken during surgery, but that the medicine prescribed to them was causing them to slip into fortnight long comas. (I have always wanted to use fortnight in a sentence so back off.)
Yet, while the mature adults were mainly concerned with just living through the teeth pulling ordeal, I soon found that the younger generation of bloggers brought me more joy than I could have ever imagined to find on the internet.
Most of the younger generation of bloggers were mainly concerened with whether they could go to a party that night. They are well aware that the doctors urge patients to get plenty of rest and take good care of their mouths. Yet, social suicide appears to be more daunting to them than a wee bit of "Dry Socket." Also why sit and home and watch Turner Classic Movies hopped up on Vicodine, when you can just take the pills with your alcohol and play a little game called, "I hope I wake up in the morning." Although I knew these kids were quite stupid, their mildly educated words gave me comfort throughout the night.
When the surgery came around, I was ready. I was mentally prepared and convinced that I would walk out of the office feeling simply fantastic. This new mindset was quite comforting to me and it carried me all the way until I got into the actual chair and was shown a video about the things that "may go wrong" during the surgery.
Now I am all for patients being informed about all the prodding that a doctor will be inflicting on their body, but I feel as though it should be somewhat sugar coated unless otherwise specified by the patient.
The surgeon could have told me soon he would given me a lollipop that once I finished the entire treat that my teeth would have magically disappeared painfree and I would have been thrilled. Although I know it was a blatant lie, I would have appreciated the comfort and been happy that he wasn't too far along in his dental depression to still find the happiness to make a few quips.
However, he chose to show me a video that informed me that I may never again experience things such as: taste, feeling in my lips, sinus comfort, the ability to stop bleeding, the joy that comes from a beating heart, and other things of that nature. This litany of pain again put me in a state of discomfort. Yet, I found out the reason why they show you that film before the surgery. The reason is this, it really doesn't matter what they show you before the surgery because once they get the drugs in you, your thoughts don't matter.
As soon as I was mainlined with the morphine or whatever sedative was given to me, my fears just melted away. The only thing I remember of the surgery was that there were a couple of pairs of hands in my mouth at one time. Apparently the sedative was strong because I could not have been more delighted with the taste of latex and having my mouth stretched to its limits.
Once I came to, the surgery was over. My mouth was full of gauze and I could not believe that the surgery had concluded. I no longer cared about the macabre details of my surgery, I just told myself that the magical lollipop had abraded my mouth till it was raw.
In the end, you can spend all of your life fretting about surgery, or you just can fix your mind on things such as drugs. I know that sentence probably doesn't fly with parents or any of the bloggers over 30 on Web M.D. But, as long as the anesthetics are strong, worrying won't do you any good. Let's just be thankful that when we don't walk into a doctor's office they don't just hand us a bottle of hard alcohol and say, "Let's see what we can do." Cause in those days there is a good chance that that sentence really meant, "You should have probably just ignored the pain because I am most likely going to kill you."
P.S. - I know this joke is probably extremely old, but why are they called wisdom teeth? Cause when a dentist says, "You got some wisdom teeth coming in." We're sitting in the chair thinking, "Good, it's about time." So it's naturally a shock when they want to take them out.
I say from an early age the dentist should call these teeth, "Evil Death Teeth." Cause then patients would probably be more eager to try to get them extracted. Consequently, dentists would get paid more since more people would be lining up to get their, "Evil Death Teeth" taken away. That would boost the economy and we'll be out of this recession in no time.
See, you may find most of my posts to be vain and self-indulgent, but at least you'll have something to talk about at your next dinner party since pretty much the econonmy is all anyone talks about anymore.
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