Hiccups: Minor Inconvenience or Death Sentence?

I know that is a pretty intense title, but this is a very important post. I am bogged down with homework right now so I don't have time to write a long-winded story that will warm your heart. But, I was visiting BBC news online and I found an article about a man who was getting an operation to cure his hiccups.

At first I was like, really? Really?

I get hiccups maybe four times a year and even then I have never considered surgery during the seven minute bouts in which they occur. I immediately though this man was dramatic like a lady that wears Uggs. I know I made a hasty generalization, but come on, Uggs? Why were they made? To show you who to stay away from. Don't get mad, deal with it, I already have.

Back to the story. It appears this man gets the hiccups every two to three seconds. That is why this story really got me. Hiccups aren't really painful, just really annoying. It would be like watching all the seasons of Laguna Beach. You can do it, but why the hell would you want to?

Anyway, read this article and let me know. Could you live with the hiccups? Why or why not?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/lincolnshire/7387224.stm

Bill and Hillary

Well....Today I was bored and I decided to surf internet videos. I happened to stumble upon a new interview with Bill O'Reilly and Hillary Clinton.

Now, I am one of those Americans whom believes that Hillary Clinton is.......not quite human. She is just kind of creepy. However, that is only because of what I see on TV. Yet, she kind of suprised me when she was on Bill O'Reilly's TV show.

First of all, I have to give her some respect to even go on O'Reilly's show. Bill O'Reilly is a shock Jock plain and simple. He is loud, makes bad points, and threatens people of not being American when things don't go his way. In my mind, he is akin to Howard Stern. They just say outrageous things to get people to listen. Hence why Howard Stern has millions of listeners and why Bill O'Reilly has millions of listeners. People may say, but Reid! O'Reilly does talk about sex, he talks about politics. Just because he talks about politics doesn't mean what he says isn't ridiculous.

Now I kind of understand why Hillary Clinton doesn't show a lot of emotion. Can you imagine going on a show and berated by stupid questions? She has to be tough and she has to be strong. In the video that I found and post below, I believe Hillary stood her ground.

Bill just threw loaded questions at her and when he didn't like the answer he accused her plan of being Socialist. Accusations like that are really fantastic and not to mention smart. When you hear the term "Red Scare" doesn't it just make you think of Puppies and Lilacs? No, you think of people like Bill O'Reilly. Scared whiners whom when things don't go their way, make outlandish accusations just for attention.

I'm sorry, I know this is a random post. I don't really claim to know politics that well. I don't really know what Hillary or Obama stand for in and out, but I do know what a bad interviewer looks like and I am really happy that Hillary didn't put up with his crap.

What do you guys think about the interview?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQnQjV4sovE&feature=related

It's a Shame

There are reasons for everything. Reasons why the sun sets when it does. Reasons why certain dogs bark and while others remain docile and congenial. Reasons why some people, mostly children without their consent, chose to watch the film "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium." There are reasons for everything and we will never understand all of them.

It's the way God works. It's the circle of Life. It's the way the cookie crumbles. It is....what it is.

If You Will...

I know it is a odd way to start out a blog. Yet, I am trying to find reason. Reason as to why Saturday Night Live cast members have a hard time transitioning into normal entertainment life.

While I cannot and will not take the time to go into all former SNL cast members. I am will use some examples to show that Saturday Night Life cast members have a hard time functioning outside of their Saturday Night Lives.

Before we start, I just have to say that I love SNL even though it seems to have taken a turn for the worse after Will Ferrell left to make a carrer out of rehashing annoying characters in movie after movie after movie. (Again, I tread lightly because I love Will Ferrell on Snl and Anchorman but come on....Talladega Nights? Blades of Glory? Semi-Pro?)

I'm getting off track. I love Saturday Night Live, but these hilarious people who make this show what it is cannot get their crap together when it comes to the real world.

First Example:

Eddie Murphy - While he was on top of the world in the 80's as an SNL cast member. The 90's and so on have proved that he is a complete and utter disaster. While his early films such as Beverly Hills Cop 1 though 3 put money in his bank account, it didn't do much for his credibility as an actor. However, I have to admit I like this movies and won't bash on them. Let's not get ahead of ourselves though, because the latter half of the 90's gave us a slew of films that showed us what Eddie was truly made of: A burnout. Holy Man. Bowfinger. Nutty Professor. I-Spy. Daddy Day Care. and let's not forget his crowning achievement, Norbit. In which he not only starred in, he also produced, wrote it, and pretty much did anything he could for a bigger paycheck. Even when he did have a somewhat interesting role in Dream Girls, he stormed out of the Academy Awards when he didn't win best actor. Which is really sad because that was and most likely will be the only time he comes close to winning an award. Yet, as always, he is a failure.

Next Example:

Dana Carvey- First and foremost I think this man is hilarious. His stand up is outstanding and he is just a hoot for me. However, my personal love for him couldn't stop him from making "The Master of Diguise." However, he learned his lesson and pretty decided not to make a film after that so I have to say we all make mistakes, but he still made "The Master of Disguise."

Next Example:

Jim Breuer - hahahahaha

Next Example:

Dan Ackroyd - While we may all love Dan. He has had one of the worst transitions of all. He didn't even start off promising. While he did Blues Brothers in 1980 which is a cult classic, he has also done "Pearl Harbor" (I know...horrible...right), "Earth Vs. Spider", Brittany Spear's "Crossroads", "Christmas with the Kranks", and last and certainly least "I know pronounce you Chuck and Larry." I cannot even go on, this is too depressing.

Next Example:

Molly Shannon - She was in "Superstar" right? I don't know. Did you see it? I didn't! I bet you did. Well....If not you then who? I guess nobody? She's gross.

Next Example:

Chris Kattan - Undercover Brother, Santa's Slay, Corky Romano, Monkey Bone. This man may have it the worst.

While I don't want to go on because I am sure you guys stopped reading long ago. There is one exception to the mix.

Steve Martin - While he has had his moments of stupidity, Cheaper by the Dozen 1 & 2. He did make the Jerk and Planes Trains and Automobiles. Also, he picked up a writing career that has saved him from a lot of things. Overall, he is ok in my book.

This blog is wayyyy to long. I have made my point

Jimmy Fallon

This post was inspired by Jonny Hutchinson giving me the following information:

"Jimmy Fallon is NBC's first choice to succeed Conan O'Brien as "Late Night" Host"

Really NBC? Jimmy Fallon? You really had nobody else?

This is a really hard post because to know some people enjoy the childish and depressing antics of Jimmy Fallon, but I need to get this out anyway.

Jimmy Falon is ridiculous and terrible. I have no idea why he is popular at all. He is terrible...terrible..terrible.......................................................terrible

Some people have explained to me that they like him because he laughs during sketches.
I'm sorry but that isn't funny, that is an inability to act. Sure he has been in funny situations and he has been a witness to comedy, but he has never been the source.

You know how when you are laughing and you see other people laughing and it keeps you laughing for a lot longer than you should? Jimmy Fallon is just that guy who is always laughing. He makes you laugh because you see someone else laughing, you don't really know what else to do so you just sit and laugh with him. That is why he is popular, cause he keeps us laughing without knowing why. He himself is a joke and a sad one.

Here comes the ultimate test whether Jimmy Fallon is funny or not. Jimmy Fallon is really funny in _________.

We have already established that he isn't funny on Saturday Night Live and he just laughs, we cannot use SNL as an example. So Jimmy Fallon is funny in? Taxi? Fever Pitch?

Let's face it, he is a sad human being. Yet, maybe he will succeed as a late night host. Maybe he will just laugh the whole time and after a half and hour everyone will just start laughing and you'll pass out while watching it. When you wake up, you'll wonder if that is all he does and you'll keep watching the show. Thus the vicious cycle continues.



Its hopeless. Jimmy Fallon is not funny.

Disclaimer: This is a Rant and Shouldn't be taken to Seriously

This isn't a normal post, I just had a moment of inspiration.

Weezer

We have all heard the name. In one way or another we have all been touched by one of their songs. Whether it is lovingly touched by their early ballad, "Say it Ain't So" or whether you have been touched inappropriately by their song, "Beverly Hills" we have all been touched. I say inappropriately touched because if that song really touched your heart then your a better man than I am, cause I just don't get it. BUT I AM GETTING SIDETRACKED!

There are have been thousands and thousands of bands polluting our airwaves ever since the first radio broadcast in 1906. Bands such Daughtry and Ashlee Simpson have given people the false idea that they know what good music is. In the old days, there wasn't the internet and small labels producing any band that had a catchy hook. It was a longer process and that is why bands like the Beatles and Led Zepplin succeeded and continues to succeed 50 years later. They were a conscious choice from the record industry that this was a solid band and their record deserved to be put out.

Now a days, that Daughtry fella yelled "ITS NOT OVER!" in a catchy fashion and 300 record labels started yelling, "Let's release it, someone will buy it."

I get it, I am highly romanticizing the record industry and the stupidity of the American people. I know it is not that clean cut, I am just trying to make a point. Good bands in this current generation are few and far between.

That is why we have so many flavors of the week. Also, now that Itunes allows consumers to buy a single track from an artist, people are encouraged to be one hit wonders. Isn't that horrible? A record is supposed to be a cohesive element that needs to be heard from start to finish. Now that bands are ditching this idea and focus on being the number one song on Itunes, the music industry is in slow decline. It's not the consumers fault, its the big wigs, they screwed us all when they made this behavior ok.

However, when I put in a Weezer record, I still get hope for the future.

Think what you want about them, All their albums, even their duds, are superior to what most bands are putting out now a days. They make albums! The only exception to this is Beverly Hills, which I have nothing to say to that.

The Blue Album starts off with "My Name is Jonas" and ends with "Only In Dreams" These are probably the strongest tracks they have ever written and are bookmarks to overall one of the best albums ever made.

Then came Pinkerton. Originally meant to be a Space Rock Opera, this album critically and financially bombed when it first came out. There was a huge backlash because it was seriously kind of a creepy record. River's lyrics are about his fascination with young Japanese girls and how Sex rules his life. While this may turn you off initially, this is by far their best record and as time went on everyone started to feel the same way. Rolling Stone actually changed their review a couple of years later and put it in their Musical Hall of Fame.

I really don't feel like I should get into the rest of the albums because I am sure most of you hadn't gotten this far. This is an insane rant. So I am just going to let the cover of their new album speak for me.

I actually don't care if you listen, they are a golden gem of a band.

The Silver Lining

This going to be short and too the point.

I think Bluetooth Headsets are fantastic. Not because they let me talk without having to use my hands, cause that was getting old fast, but because I know that Insane people benefit from them too. 3 Years ago, When a person would be talking out loud in public, everyone used to stare and say to themselves, "What the hell is wrong with that man? Just talking to himself like that! What a crazy person!" Or they would just giggle and how do you think that made the crazy person feel? Probably pretty bummed.

However! The release of these new Bluetooth Headsets have allowed people to get used to the idea of talking out loud. Now if someone is talking out loud people think he is just on the phone.

Do you realize how great this is?! Crazy people can roam the streets freely talking as loud as they want. They can have louder and better conversations with the "friends" that only they can see! And why must it only be one invisible friend that he talks to? Why not hundreds? These new headsets have allowed people from all walks of life, mostly the crazy ones, talk without guilt.
They can talk for hours about why mayonnaise tastes like toothpaste if it has been on the sidewalk for week! This is groundbreaking!

So do yourself and the crazy people around you a favor and buy a Bluetooth Headset. You will still feel important and it will only cost you around $50. Which is way better than the latest mac gadget, the Mac Book Air, or as I like to call it "A Bad Idea". This computer costs around $1800 and is just downright silly.

To Sum it Up:

Headsets help crazy people feel better about themselves. It's that simple
=

Ohio is for Losers

We all like Hot Topic right? Probably not. Yet, while we can rely on them to manufacture and sell clothing that is extremely displeasing to the eye, we apparently cannot trust that their clothing is factually acurate. Case in Point: Ohio is for Lovers

This shirt....plagues me. As we all know the plague was a severe epidemic that wiped out thousands of people. While this shirt most likely hasn't caused the physical death of many, it certainly has left millions of people clinically brain dead. How you ask? Because there is no way you would desire to purchase this shirt unless you had a severe mental lapse or your brain just melted completely.

I mean, why? What does it even mean? When I feel in love, my mind doesn't fondly drift off to images of Ohio. Eating Potatoes, Humidity, Eating Wheat, Not having electricity or the key to happiness - these are all the things I equate with Ohio, not love.

What are you trying to tell people by wearing this shirt? With a piece of clothing you are usually trying to show something about yourself. For instance, if you wear a UC Santa Cruz shirt, you or a family member most likely attends that school. Therefore you are likely to have an affinity for the school and want to show people that. Another point, If you are wearing a dress from Guchi, you most likely have way too much money on your hands. On top of this, you probably only feel valued if you can spend what a normal man earns in a couple months, just on one evening's formal attire. Both of those examples express something about themselves that they are trying to get across to another person.

Yet, what are you trying to express with Ohio is For Lovers. That you feel Ohio is a place of lovers? If its so wonderful and love is truly one tractor ride away, then why are you here at a Mcdonald's in California? Doesn't Make Sense. But, I'm not done.

Love has been and will most likely always be coupled with Marriage. Cause what do you do when your in love? Get Married. That's just what you do. However, In 1998 Ohio's Divorce rate was 46,042 divorces per year. While North Dakota and South Dakota combined has an annual divorce rate of 4,678 divorces per year. That means that the Dakota's combined have 41,364 divorces less than Ohio and you could almost fit four Ohio's in the space that North and South Dakota take up.

I know that was very arithmetical (This is a real word), but I am just proving, like yogurt, that there is no reason for this product. There is just simply no reason to have an Ohio is for Lovers Shirt. If you didn't quite understand everything. Read it again, it makes sense. Then go burn your T-Shirt cause I can see right through it anyway.