Friendly Banter

Film Review: Barking Dogs Never Bite

2011-04-25T10:54:00.000-07:00

A wickedly smart and hilarious black comedy/social satire from the master of South Korean cinema himself, Bong Joon-Ho. It is a film about a struggling graduate student (Sung-Jae Lee) caught up the seemingly endless rat race of everyday life. The Seoul of Joon-Ho's mind is filled with a burnt out population who feel that they can only achieve greatness through unscrupulous avenues or in the unlikely event that they will end up on television. When Lee seems to be on the precipice of madness due to constant societal demands, his rage is projected onto a neighbors dog. What ensues next is an opaque but comical attempt to dispatch the poor animal.
What sets Joon-Ho apart from his cohorts in Korean Cinema, namely Park Chan-Wook, is that he isn't there to solely shock the viewer. Sure the material makes for some surprising moments, but Joon-Ho brings up some important questions. Why do people pamper animals when they themselves must toil endlessly just to achieve sustenance? Why do people long to nourish animals when they are not nourished by their own caretakers?
It is an interesting and thought provoking film that is wrapped in a delightful black comedy and is definative proof that South Korean directors are some of the most premiere filmmakers of this generation.

Film Review: Taxi Driver

2011-04-13T17:58:00.000-07:00

For me, this film really solidified my idea that you have never really seen a film until you have seen it twice. Upon my initial viewing more than five years ago, I was really only focused on DeNiro's performance. I knew that the film itself was special, yet at the time I did not have the faculty to really analyze the film and articulate what made it so powerful. While I will probably read this review five years from now and cringe at this rough attempt at film criticism, I am going to give it my best.
From the moment that Travis' cab emerges through the steam, one gets a sense that Scorsese is going to take us down a dark road. What he gives the viewer is an in depth character analysis that drives into the mind of a neurotic ex-marine teetering on the edge of delirium.
While writer Paul Schrader helped to bring Travis Bickle into existence, DeNiro and Scorsese really bring him to life. DeNiro, who drove an actual cab for a couple weeks in order to prepare for the role, uses the most subtle of expressions to showcase the many shades of turmoil that Bickle projects. As he walks amid the maelstrom of New York City at night, his demeanor is placid, yet something is clearly boiling beneath the surface. In the hands of many other actors, Travis would have turned out more ostentatiously psychopathic and I find DeNiro creates a malevolence that is even more sinister by making Travis oddly endearing.
On paper Travis is not a simple man. Whether it be in his cab or his rather scanty apartment, he is usually shown in a constant state of isolation. Even Scorsese's direction stresses this isolation as he is usually the lone figure in the frame during a conversation while the other person is usually shot with Travis' shoulder in the foreground. He is intuitive, smart, confident, and believes himself to be a John Wayne figure even though he is more akin to Norman Bates. He is also a walking contradiction. Bickle becomes obsessed with fitness even though he predominately eats junk food and proclaims his distaste for people's licentious activities even though he frequents dirty movies. DeNiro's performance effectively encompasses all the complexities that a character such as Travis has to offer.
As for Scorsese part, he does an excellent job accenting the pieces of the city that a person such as Travis would fixate on. Scorsese's New York is gritty and ominous. As Travis' cab drives around the city, Scorsese shows that there is wanton violence at every turn. Whether this is the New York that Scorsese sees or just Bickle's perception of it, it is not depicted as a place to settle down and start a family. (Unless of course you plan to eventually kill everyone in it) Even when Travis is outside of the cab, he is bathed in the red glow of the neon lights which also brilliantly foreshadows the violence that will ensue later.
Forgive me for my tedious rehashing of all the things that make this film so memorable. I hope that it might have given some insight into the powerful piece of film that Scorsese and DeNiro have created. It is surely one that cannot afford to be missed and belongs in every film lovers collection.

Movie Review: Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

2011-04-06T17:56:00.000-07:00

Sadly, there are very few films that are capable of eliciting a visceral reaction out of me. However, Mike Nichol's 1966 debut film, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, is such a powerful film on so many levels that I cannot imagine anybody watching it without being significantly moved. The film is based on Edward Albee's Tony Award winning play and covers the events of one very long and alcohol induced night. It follows the plight of an aging couple George (Richard Burton) and Martha (Elizabeth Taylor). When friends Nick (George Segal) and Honey (Sandy Dennis) come over for a nightcap, they become caught in the middle of a series of games in which George and Martha take their pain and attempt to push each other to the breaking point. Albee's dialogue is explosive, both in terms of being emotionally charged and how it is projected, and is adeptly handled by the entire cast.. There is a brilliant mix of temperamental humor and anguish which includes one of my favorite lines, "There isn't an abomination award going that you haven't won."
While Albee's superb script provides a well-built chassis for the film, it is Nichol's direction mixed with Haskell Wexler's brilliant cinematography that makes this film really take off. Often times the camera will capture the scene as if it were merely a fly on the wall. However, Nichols really knows the material and will zoom in to the point of intrusion when a character feels emotionally isolated or verbally backed into a corner. In one particularly distinguished scene that deviates from the play, Nichols captures George walking into the back of the house when the Martha and the guests are still conversing in the living room. Even though George is out of ear shot of the others, Nichols keeps the audio of their conversation going while he follows George. This illuminates the extent of Martha's deviance as George can still knows that Martha will be speaking ill of him even when he is not in her company. Also, in the same vein as a noir, Nichols uses mirrors to show how these characters never take a good hard look at themselves and what they have become. One is even shoved in the face of George at one point, yet he is too steeped in his own misery to even see the man on the other side.
The performances here are simply astounding by all players involved. Although Taylor would nab the Oscar for best actress, I really feel as though Burton was snubbed. While his character could have just been watered down to nothing more than a dispensary of caustic wit, Burton injects a sense of humanity into the character that is present in the smallest of gestures.
Historically, this film is bold as it was produced in some of the most impassioned years of the civil rights movement. These years saw a mass movement to finally put an end to the anti-miscegenation laws that had previously prevented interracial marriages in America. This film shows that even white upper-middleclass marriages, which were seen as a bulwark against the decay of the human race, had their blemishes.
In the end, it is a beautiful film about a volatile relationship. It is about pain and the fiction that we manufacture in order to deal with it. The film isn't easy to watch, but if you do you will find that this is an absolutely astounding film.

Review: 400 Blows

2011-03-29T12:22:00.000-07:00

François Truffaut's 1959 semi-autobiographical piece regarding indolent youth and the society that generates them is captivating, elegantly conceived, and still feels robust even 50 years after it's conception. Through the film's protagonist Antoine (Jean-Pierre Leaud), the director shows the multi-faceted nature of adolescence. Whether it is with his camera, in scenes such as the one where Antoine is sitting before 3 different mirrors which all capture different aspects of his physique, or with his direction, in which it seems as though Truffaut's life has been inculcated into the young actor through osmosis, Truffaut displays the complexities of youth in an honest and cogent manner.
As far as education goes, the adults in this story don't seem to be interested in developing nuance, but rather a future race of citizens with the very same set of ideals. Many of the lessons we are shown in the film have to do with the children's memorization and regurgitation of old poems. When this proves futile, the teacher exclaims that France will be in sorry shape in the next ten years. Truffaut shows the damage that this type of education brings by highlighting one child as he fights to write the words down even as the inkwell is leaking onto the pages, defiling his skin, and staining the very nature of who he is.
Caught between an adulterous mother and an apathetic father, Antoine's one saving grace is the cinemas. Truffaut's true love for film comes out in these scenes as he captures the boy's sense of wonder as he marvels at the celluloid before him. Truffaut even includes a scene of Antoine stealing a still of Welles' Citizen Kane. A touching tribute to another young and influential filmmaker.
This being my first film that I have seen of the Nouvelle Vague, I am not yet familiar with all of the visual staples of this movement. Yet, you would have to be visually impaired not to see how beautifully shot this film is. From the tracking shots in the classroom to illuminate the idiosyncrasies of the classroom environment to the POV shots used to show the physical and mental imprisonment of Antoine, Truffaut judiciously uses his camera to expound a particular mood.
While I know that only the further consumption of films from the New Wave will help me to better understand the universal importance of this movement, if the 400 Blows is any indication, I will not be let down.

Film Reviews

2011-03-28T12:03:00.000-07:00

I have been taking a stab at film reviews lately. It is just a selfish exercise for me but maybe some of you could find something that you might want to watch out of it. Maybe not, but here it goes.

My first film is Akira Kurosawa's Stray Dog

While someone could make the argument that all cinema is poetic in certain ways, no set of films personify cinematic poetry more than the films of Akira Kurosawa. Even in his earlier films such as Stray Dog, he gives the viewer a generous bounty to chew on. Not only is this a noir influence crime drama, but a priceless time capsule of the Japanese experience in the aftermath of a devastating World War. In the vein of Italian Neorealism, Kurosawa captures the essence of everyday life in a land ravaged by war. While the film focuses on Detective Murakami's (Toshiro Mifune) pursuit to find his missing Colt from the criminal Yusa, Kurosawa doesn't give us a cut and dry story of good versus evil. In fact, the story is rather messy. Like the characters in this story, all of Japan is in the grasps of what appears to be bedlam. Filmed in 1949, Japan's black market was still running rampant during this time and the film features a lengthy montage of actual footage of the black market. In a time with such rampant poverty, class disparity, and widespread vice, the film begs the question what constitutes crime when the entire land is beset by turmoil? Kurosawa is constantly blurring the lines between good and bad and in one particularly compelling scene has both the "hero" and "villan" wrestling in some mud and coming out looking nearly identical.
The film also oscillates between rapidly paced scenes with quick edits and long static takes in which Kurosawa really takes his time in telling the story. This can be rather laborious to watch for someone who has grown up on a steady diet of Transformers and Fast and Furious. In many scenes where the action seems to be near a climax, Kurosawa lets his characters light a cigarette in the middle of a pivotal exchange. Tedious as it may seem for some to get through, Kurosawa let's you really revel in the moment. If you take the director up on his invitation rather than throw your hands up in vexation, there is much on screen to reward you.
There are some skillfully choreographed shots that put many modern films to shame. Also, much like his other films Rashomon and Ikiru, he focuses heavily on the weather to symbolize either the beauty or the turbulence that the characters are experiencing internally. These are just a few examples of the many motifs that Kurosawa employs. Although it is one of his earlier pieces, it certainly illuminates Kurosawa's exceptional proficiency in terms of filmmaking.

Catch Up Book Reviews: Part 1

2010-11-24T18:35:00.000-08:00

In case you didn't know. I got married. I got married to a woman. It is on paper. The government recognizes it, but sadly my parents don't....

Although the wedding preparations didn't put a damper on my reading, it did hinder me from writing my incredibly average book reviews. This to me is the worst casualty of all. I feel bad that I let everyone down.
I have been receiving emails from people whom have been walking around aimlessly in their local Borders book shop. A vacant hole resides where my literary guidance use to be and for that...I feel ashamed. I even received an email from someone who ended up buying the Autobiography of Kate Hudson because she was without my counsel.

Well folks, I am back and I am here to enlighten you by sharing my opinions on current books that I have absorbed. (Either read or rubbed on my body until the ink came off onto my skin)

In order to catch up, I will have to summarize my reading endeavors of the past couple months. While they will not be as in depth as past reviews, I will assure you that they will be very powerful. Also, they will come in installments since I don't have a ton of time. Here is the first couple!

Here we go:

The first book that I tackled was the late Steig Larson's world sensation, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. While a lot darker than I originally expected, I don't feel it deserves half of the praise that it gets. It set itself up to be a murder mystery that was chalk full of twists and turns, but turned out to be a somewhat interesting mystery/business thriller with a payoff that was less than exciting. In fact, it kind of made me feel cheated. So while not awful, not worth the price. 2 out of 4 dead horses.

The next book I checked out was Andrew Ross Sorkin's, Too Bit To Fail. Sorkin's book is an amazingly thorough account of how the subprime mortgage crisis put the entire financial sector at risk of failure. Starting around Bear Stearns sale to J.P Morgan Chase and climaxing with the implementation of T.A.R.P (Troubled Asset Relief Program), Sorkin gives the readers unprecedented access into the minds of those who held America's financial system in their hands. Whether motivated by greed or just by the desire to keep the system afloat, Sorkin gives the reader the whole picture. While I think some could argue that it was a couple hundred pages too long, I feel the length was necessary to paint a complete picture of the disaster. Overall, if you are not interested in the crisis, stay far away. (Or if you are having trouble sleeping, this could actually help a lot) This is in depth and at times downright depressing. Yet, if you can stick it out, you will be handsomely rewarded. 3 and 1/2 out of 4 dead horses.

Book Review: Ender's Game

2010-07-13T11:11:00.000-07:00

Well this is the kick off to my Science Fiction summer. Although I finished this book a little bit ago, I got behind because I started Dune. Even though I felt I was already traversing through the nerd universe in Ender's Game, I realized I was only in the shallow end once I started Dune.
However, I do not want to take away from Ender's Game, which I found to be a great novel. While slow to start, I can certainly see how and why this book receives so much praise. It is an in-depth look into the mind of a child who from an early age, has been inculcated with how to be a solider. One who is taught to not act or react with emotion, but rather strategy. Alienated from peers and family, Ender's life is in a constant state of preparation for battle. While this book does have its science fictions staples such as space travel and futuristic devices, it truly is a human story and should resonate with all readers. It is a coming of age story of a boy who must bear the fate on humanity on his shoulders. As Ender knows that once false move in his preparation could mean life or death for humanity as we know it, he still desires affirmation from his peers. He still longs for the love of his sister and constantly questions the meaning of all of his endeavors. Although one in an unusual circumstance, he is a boy at heart and that is what makes this story particularly poignant.

Back to the futuristic devices, I was also pretty amazed how Card predicted the future of the internet. Published in 1985, the internet was in no way ubiquitous. In Ender's world, the "nets" are a vital part of every citizens lives. Although we do not have elections held through the internet, it was interesting to read how Card predicted a world in which everyone relied on the internet. While that is not entirely the case now, I do know a couple people who might actually die if they went a day without logging on facebook.

Ender is a fascinated and fully realized character in a mostly realized world. Which brings me to my one gripe, I wish that Card gave us a bit more about the world around him. Why things are the way that they are? How exactly were the wars with the Buggers started?

While I do have my problems, I do know that there is much more to Ender's story that I have yet to read. So I cannot really fault him for not including these details because I have only read the first quarter of the whole series.

I just bought Speaker for the Dead today so I am in no way done with this story. With a complex and utterly human cast of characters living in a world in which I can not visualize, but understand, makes this story an important read.

So far, my Sci-Fi summer is going really well.

Book Review: Columbine

2010-05-25T17:26:00.000-07:00

On April 20th 1999, my childhood changed. I remember coming home from school and seeing a young man, Patrick Ireland, being helped out of a window. His body wasn't moving in a fluid motion. It seemed as though he were taking his time while hundreds of others fled from the school. It wasn't until later that I found out that he had been shot in the head. I couldn't understand it at the time. I kept thinking to myself, why wasn't he attempting to get out of there faster? My brain kept trying to grapple with this idea that something of that magnitude could happen on a high school campus. They were too young. We were too young. What could bring someone do this?

There were no clean-cut answers, there will never be. However, everywhere America turned, there were answers. The myths that we cling to so fervently began to materialize in the days after the disaster, e.g: The Trench Coat Mafia, that the shooters were outcasts, that they were targeting their oppressors, that heavy music and cinema influenced their decisions. These myths became fact in the American psyche. It was truncated, shaped, and fit into a box that people (myself included) could understand. This allowed Americans to go forward with their lives and look at themselves in the mirror knowing that events like Columbine were merely freak accidents. Compartmentalizing tragedy may help to cope with the unexplainable, but it doesn't serve to illuminate truth.

Dave Cullen's book Columbine is an important step in attempting to reclaim the truth. Thoroughly researched and meticulously written, Cullen's book is breathtaking and focuses not only those young men who killed twelve of their fellow classmates that day, but also everyone who was in some way affected by their decisions. Cullen himself had taken part in the subsequent media bonanza that the massacre brought to the town and used the next ten years culling sources. By judiciously using the killers personal journals and interviews with the victims and their families, Cullen dispels commonly held myths and is able to make some sense out of this seemingly wanton calamity. This was not a fluke or a battle of good vs. evil. It was a matter of two kids who made a momentous decision, a town that was caught in the aftermath, and a nation in mourning.

I cannot express how important this book is. It is expertly written and delicately handles a topic that is so quick to conjure an emotional response. It does not seek to blame, but understand. Which is something that is rarely attempted in these types of situations.

It is simply one of the best non-fiction books I have read and I am glad that someone gave the massacre at Columbine a comprehensive and fair treatment.

I give this book 4 out of 4 dead horses!

Summer Reading

2010-05-15T10:34:00.001-07:00

I have always loved Science Fiction. The problem is that for every good science fiction book, there is most likely 12,000 awful books. Also, most series go on for 14-16 books so you cannot dabble in sci-fi. You either need to just take off your swim trunks altogether, or dive right in....to the deep end...and not come up for a while...because the water is so deep...you might hit your head...don't eat right before swimming...stomach cramps.

You get the picture. Sci-Fi is a serious undertaking.

As a guy who likes to get around the literary world (book whore), it is always tough for me to commit to one series for any length of time.

Yet, I am going to change that this summer. I remember the first time I read Phillip K. Dick. It was mind blowing. These novels do not adhere to any laws of the natural world, yet they have so much to say about our world and the nature of humanity. If you are a sci-fi fan, then you know what I am talking about. If your not, then you probably think I am a huge idiot and think I just like the idea of traveling through space.

Two things:
1) I do, because it would amazing
2) If you have written sci-fi off, then you're stupid. (In a fun way)

I am starting off with Orson Scott Card's "Ender's Game." Then I want to try to tackle the "Foundation" series by Isaac Asimov. Maybe some more Phil Dick in there for good measure.

If anyone wants to start with me, then I am starting Ender's Game in two days. Set your clocks. Actually don't, because time doesn't apply to where we are going. I can actually feel my girlfriend become less attracted to me the more and more I talk.

Book Review: The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao

2010-03-06T11:57:00.000-08:00

I don't know why I do this to myself. I don't really have the time to be reading novels. School already has me bogged down with more reading than I can handle. Yet, I always desire to force down a novel in my(non-existent)spare time. Just like a new years resolution, I vowed not to touch a book and focus solely on my school work. I would get ahead. I would be the student that every teacher dreams of. My professor would invite me to a special "excellent students club" in which only the elite in education are invited. However, as soon as I made that vow, a man at my coffee shop threw a book my way. It was, and still is, Junot Diaz's The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao.

When I first picked up this book one night, I was incredibly disappointed. In the same vein as Cormac Mccarthy and a slew of other authors, Diaz forgos being formal in his writing. Every line feels like you are merely reading a transcript of a conversation one would hear on the street. A conversation riddled with big words. While this approach allows the reader to really immerse his or herself in the story, it can also pull the reader out of the story when it feels too contrived. Many times I felt like Diaz was trying too hard to make it feel authentic. His colloquial style made me step back a couple of times and think to myself, "there is no way anybody would say that."

Faults aside, Diaz creates a very interesting story. Revolving primarily around a multi-generational family curse known as Fuku, Diaz tells the story from the perspective of different family members and how this so called curse has changed their lives. One of Diaz's strong suits is how he is able to weave a compelling story together with the real life events that took place during the vicious reign of Dominican dictator Rafael Leónidas Trujillo Molina. From the lovable Oscar who hopes to one day become the Dominican J.R Tolkien, to the distant relatives who brought the Fuku upon the famiy, Diaz braids together history and fiction in a way that is both enthralling and informative.

On an interesting note, I have not seen footnotes in a novel until I picked up this book. The footnotes supplement the references made about those characters and events that took place during the Trujillo's reign. While sometimes daunting, these do enhance the experience and give the reader a better picture of the Dominican Republic during this time. Also, it would help if the reader should have a minor grasp of rudimentary Spanish since the author frequently uses it without translation.

Overall, while the book is not without its shortcomings. It is a very enjoyable read and an experience I am sure most readers have not had with a novel in a long time.

I give this book 3 out of 4 dead horses.

Book Club

2010-02-15T22:38:00.000-08:00

I know this is kind of dead in the water. I am just letting everyone know that I just started The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao if anyone wants to join me.

Book Review: Sarah Palin's Going Rogue

2010-02-15T22:35:00.000-08:00

I don't really know what to say, I only made it through the first chapter. I have never felt so filthy after reading a chapter of a book. The first chapter is her talking about how she is a straight shooter and that is why she wanted to get into politics. That she is kind of a people person that could cut through the political jargon and get to the heart of the american people. She got to me and I personally feel sick.

I'll let you know if I read more. As of right now....

I give it a quarter of 1 dead horse

Time Magazine Has Lost All Credibility

2009-12-16T11:41:00.000-08:00

I have a love/hate relationship with top ten lists. Some people actually put some thought into theirs and can express what they feel are their top favorite albums of the year. Others just throw together every album they can think of and don't really have to pick and choose. While others, just seem to compile a list of many different genres of music just to build "Street Cred."

A good example of this is seen with Time Magazine's Top Ten Albums of the Year. I was initially drawn to it because it has Mastodon's Crack the Skye on it, which happens to be one of my favorite albums of the year. Then I made the mistake of looking at their other selections. While I don't want to go into every horrible decision they made, I will highlight one. They gave Brad Paisley the best album of the year. Aside from the fact that I despise nearly everything on CMT, Time Magazine didn't really have a good reason as to why is was their favorite album. This was part of what they said about it,

"The real risk-taking emerges on his songs about women, which, as on the brilliant "The Pants," manage to be funny, sexy and sensitive: "In the top drawer of her dresser there's some panties/ Go try on that purple pair with the lacy frill/ With your big old thighs I bet you can't get in 'em/ With that attitude of yours, hell, I bet you never will."

The great thing is that I don't have to make a joke, since it is not funny. It is sad.

Semantics

2009-12-04T23:09:00.000-08:00

I am starting to realize that when you look at blogs, the person who uses the biggest words usually have no idea what they are talking about. Some people can utilize these words to make what they say clearer and more concise. Yet, most people just toss them around hoping that someone will get lost in what they say and click out of that window thinking, "Damn that guy is smart."

I see this a lot in christian blogs. Don't get me wrong, I am pumped that they are having a rousing conversation. Yet, if they really want to turn people onto God, they should be able to talk about it in layman's terms. I could be wrong, but most of the conversations I have eve's dropped on that include the common athiest, terms such as "Kalam Cosmological argument" and "Epiphenomenonalism." (Yes I just looked these words up)

Isn't it crazy. It's just so painfully axiomatic

Album Review: The Mars Volta - Octahedron

2009-12-02T18:51:00.000-08:00

Along with now doing book reviews, I am going to be reviewing all types of media. Being human, I presuppose that my interests are also of interest to all of you. Along with this presupposition (I’m so smart), I believe that my interests have not only set a bar in excellence that the rest of the world should be striving to achieve, but I believe that everyone would be completely lost without my guidance. As much as I am mocking this thought, I still believe it. Silly as it may seem, you all believe it too. But enough of that. Sit back and let me exercise this savior complex of mine.

This will be the first compact disc review I have ever done for this blog. (If you are reading this blog in the future, a compact disc was something that was awesome. It wasn’t a series of 1’s and 0’s that now float solely through your I-Tunes or MP3Toilet.com or whatever Internet application now services your musical needs. It was a series of 1’s and 0’s compiled on a round piece of plastic that I could carry around and show off to my friends, take on a trip, or listen to in my car. I didn’t have to consult my failing PC everytime I wanted to listen to Fountains of Wayne, I just grabbed it out of my leather-bound case. I think you get the point. It was amazing. Enjoy your new Timbaland single because I assume Cds are obsolete now too. Man the future sucks already.)

This review will be a part of a series I call “Under the Radar.” These aren’t brand spanking new albums. (By the way, Brand “Spanking” New? Why Spanking? I hate tradition.) These are albums that may have been out for a while. Yet, I believe they need revisiting because they have not gotten the credit they deserve and in a way have flown under the radar.

Tonight’s Album: The Mars Volta – Octahedron

This album was a very unexpected turn for the Mars Volta. After their critically acclaimed effort “Deloused in the Comatorium,” they seemed to keep adding new members. While I do know that from the very onset they utilized other musicians, for example Flea from the currently unimaginative Red Hot Chili Peppers, played bass on Deloused. Yet, after that album dropped I kept on hearing about them acquiring new members. Most notably former At The Drive In band mate Paul Hinojos dropped his role in the band Sparta to join the onslaught of new musicians. While they managed to hold it together for their second release “Frances the Mute”, this rise in numbers coupled with the fact that they began to favor noise over melody made for the half-hearted attempt that was their third album, “Amputecture” While tracks such as “Viscera Eyes” has it’s moments, you can actually hear the musicians put their heads up their own arses throughout most of the album. Omar Rodriguez-Lopez didn’t even play guitar on it. John Frusciante of the aforementioned currently unimaginative Red Hot Chili Peppers played guitar on the album. While I hope it was fun for the band, it certainly wasn’t incredibly pleasing to their audience. Needless to say, the band was losing fans as they continued to welcome in new band members. This juggernaut of a sloppily put together supergroup was losing its focus.

It seemed my worst fears continued to materialize as I received the news that drummer Jon Theodore left. I loved “Deloused in the Comatorium” and I know a big reason for that was his presence on the album. While new drummer Thomas Pridgen's presence on their 4th album “Bedlam in Goliath” makes me feel like his free time is filled primarily with doing speed and watching Neil Pert solos, it was a solid album. It was cohesive, it made sense, and it was done all while reminding listeners why we loved The Mars Volta in the first place.

Which now brings me to their latest effort Octahedron. This album finds The Mars Volta’s sound very stripped down. Not only did they fire some of the band, including Hinojos which I am not too happy about, they wrote what Rodriguez-Lopez calls their “acoustic album.” While this album does feature more acoustic guitar than their previous releases, this is by no means an “acoustic” album. It is a more relaxed sound, but the songs are still big. They feel more intentional and contained rather than improvisational and disconnected. While they still have familiar staples such as bizarre song titles likes, “Halo of Nembutals”, this is a new direction for that band that I feel is exactly what they needed. While I could try to sit down and describe every fill and riff contained within Octahedron, I feel like it wouldn’t come across well and frankly that sounds like too much work for me.

I do not know why this album was not pushed by Universal as much as their previous releases, but I feel like this is one of the best albums in the Mars Volta’s canon. Years after the disintegration of At The Drive In and 4 albums deep into their new project, Cedric Bixler-Zavala and Omar Rodriguez-Lopez still continue to make great music. While they may lose their way here and there, Octahedron shows that they are still one of the more important bands rock music has right now.

Book Review: I Drink For A Reason

2009-11-23T21:08:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the next installment of Reid reviews books.

While this has not been formally announced, I will be using this blog to also review books that I have been reading. While I do enjoy movies and music, I have never felt really comfortable reviewing them. I don't always catch on to the Freudian undertones that are so pervasive in movies such as X-Men 3: The Last Stand. I didn't really catch on to the post 9/11 themes prevalent in The Scorpion King. However, I do feel like I can understand books well enough to guide the masses. (By masses I mean the 2 followers who currently subscribe to my blog) I am not applying for a job at the New Yorker anytime soon, but I am a fairly consistent reader and feel I can come up with a unique take on a book. If I fail to do so, I will read other reviews of the book and blatantly rip off their ideas and pass them off as my very own. (I'm desperate for respect) In my reviews, I will also use one big word that shouldn't be used. I will use this to A:) Sound very intelligent and B:) See A

Tonight's review is of David Cross' I Drink For A Reason:

My initial thought when gazing at the cover of this book was "Yipee! I love David Cross. His book will bring me enjoyment on many different occasions." (Keep in mind I am paraphrasing and taking many liberties with my memories) I love David Cross' comedy specials and his character on Arrested Development was amazing, so how could I go wrong? Simple. Him not writing a very good book.

Once in a while Cross' stand up comedy relies on his sardonic observations on life. He usually does a pretty good job of riding the fine line between bitter commentary and sheer comedic genius. Yet, it seems as though on this writing venture he drank a bottle of Jamison Irish Whiskey, threw caution to the wind, wrote this book containing nothing but his hatred for all aspects of life, and mostly likely concluded the night by getting into an argument with his sprinkler system.

This is not a very flattering side of David. He does seem to be a very intelligent man and I will still call myself a fan of his, but he still is an entertainer. If this was a book by Dr. Sanjay Gupta, I would probably give him a pass because his job isn't to make us laugh. (Even though his newest book Cheating Death has been known to make people snicker once and a while) Yet, David is a comedian and I rarely even smiled during this book. Critics of my blog, if I ever have any, will say that David's style of humor is very deadpan. I appreciate that when there is a payoff. This book was so deadpan that is never came to life for me. (Does the Pulitzer Committee award excellence in blogging?)

If you are a person who is parsimonious (look it up), then don't waste your time on this book. Even if you are loaded, don't spend time on this book. If you're an anthropology major who hates everything anyway, you'll love it.

I give this book 1 dead horse out of 4.

Book Review: She's Come Undone

2009-11-22T10:17:00.001-08:00

I am a guy who likes to see what all the fuss is about. When the Da Vinci code was finally allowing the CEO of Random House to fulfill his lifelong dream of wiping his bottom with 100 dollar bills, part of that hundred was mine. When the Kite Runner was making middle aged housewives finally care about children from other countries, I shared their concern. When Stephanie Meyers was finally about to pull herself out of the Utah soccer mom slums with teenage vampire porn quadrilogy Twilight, I was rooting (silently) for Bella. Needless to say, when a book is creating a lot of buzz, I will read it. Lots of heartache comes with this because a lot of these books turn out to be pretty bad. Kite Runner was fairly disappointing, the Da Vinci code was exciting yet forgettable, and Twilight could/may have been ghostwritten by a fourth grader. People get bored, something becomes hip, they (we) ride the train for a bit, then inevitably get off as soon as it's done. However, I do believe Wally Lamb's She's Come Undone lived up to most of the hype surrounding it.

She's Come Undone chronicles the life of Dolores Price. Dolores, isn't the most likable protagonist. In fact, at times she is repulsive. Mean, impulsive, and selfish are not the qualities that make up a very likable main character, but they are qualities every reader can empathize with. While I cannot imagine anyone going through all of the turmoil that Dolores endures in the novel, I think everyone can see a little bit of themselves in her.

While in the beginning I wondered if Wally Lamb was only attempting to write the most depressing novel ever, the payoff is the third act. Without giving away anything, Lamb brings the novel to an end not afraid to let the reader wonder. There are rarely neat and tidy resolutions in life, tragedy doesn't adhere to rhyme or reason, and not everything can be understood. Lamb leaves the character as she is. If I am going to be honest, since finishing the book I have thought about "Dolores Price" on numerous occasions and what she may be doing at that very moment.

Overall, Lamb's literary debut is a well written and moving piece.

I give this book 3 dead horses out of 4

The Nature of Reading.

2009-11-18T10:17:00.003-08:00

A man ought to read just as inclination leads him,
for what he reads as a task will do him little good.
~ Samuel Johnson ~

Books like friends, should be few and well-chosen.
~ Joineriana ~

These are some quotes that sum up some of the various feelings regarding reading. I was having a long conversation with one of my close friends last night and we had a little argument on the nature of reading.

My friend's view of reading seems to line up with the quote of Joineriana. That one should only read something that pushes the mind forward. For him, this means "classic" texts that have been deemed classic by magazine publications, the modern library, or are mandatory in college or high school. Classic novels coupled with philosophical or theological texts that push your brain should be a reader's main focus.

While I understand and respect that point of view, I tend to agree more with the Johnson quote above. I believe that reading the "classics" and other respected texts are very important. I also believe that you should read whatever makes you happy. While you should still be objective towards everything you set before your eyes, don't overlook a book just because it is new or by someone that you have never heard of. Classic writers are amazing, I understand now how people have fallen in love with the works of Orwell, Dostoyevsky, Plath, and Vonnegut, because I have fallen in love with them too. Yet, contemporary writers such as Marquez, Eugenides, McCarthy, Walls have also made me fall in love with them too. They have a voice too and while they haven't been along to be seen as classic, I still think you should just read what makes you happy.

If it becomes a task in order to become "enlightened" with every page, it will become akin to homework. Reading should be special, private, and above all else, a joy.

The Nature of Reading.

2009-11-18T10:17:00.001-08:00

First Couple Chapters & Side Rant

2009-11-11T10:03:00.000-08:00

While I am only two chapters into She's Come Undone, I really enjoy it. It reads like a memoir and reminds me a lot of Jeanette Walls' The Glass Castle. One thing that has caught my attention so far is just how "human" Dolores is. In the first couple of chapters she is around the age of 10 when her father leaves her and her mother to go live with another woman. Her mother, crippled by these events and a miscarriage that preceded, spirals out of control. When looking to her daughter Dolores for comfort, Dolores doesn't give her "ma" the slightest bit of solace.
Maybe other readers may see Dolores as just flat out being a mean girl. It just seems to me a very human reaction. Dolores is confused. She doesn't know why her father just up and left. He didn't really give any reason as to why he was leaving. One day he was just gone. Dolores and her father seemed to get along very well so I don't feel as though she would would put the blame on herself. So who is the only other person that could have been responsible?
For me, I like that the author doesn't have to spell that out for us. That he doesn't say, "Dolores felt this" and "Ma felt this." He just gives us a snapshot into these peoples lives and lets us deal with the rest.

Anyone agree? or am I totally off the mark?

Side Rant: Have you ever been on a public bus? I ride them several times a week to go to school and I have noticed that most people on there have a severe staring problem. I honestly cannot figure out what they are staring at sometimes. I know for a fact that none of these people (mostly men) are secret agents that are planted on public transit systems in an attempt to thwart terrorism because they are in no way discreet. If there is something slightly out of the norm on the bus, for example a low cut shirt, he will stare it up and down until everyone around around him has become reasonably uncomfortable. I could understand if it was an old man who only had a couple of days left on this earth and feels like he has nothing left to lose, but there seems to be no fixed demographic for these starers. Something about the bus just makes them resist the urge to blink and gives them the desire to let everyone know that their eyes are fixed on something peculiar.

Literary Conquests

2009-11-09T15:38:00.000-08:00

I cannot seem to put my finger on it, but I'm starting to believe that I have literary A.D.D. While I may be in school currently and already have way too much to read, I always have to add something else to that list. It also can never seem to be fun books that you can just give a quick glance at night and don't feel like your missing out if you set it down on the night-stand.
I have realized that reading is no longer a fun thing to do or a enjoyable hobby. It is cathartic. It has to be something that emotionally purges me. Makes me question everything that I am doing in my life while I am simultaneously praising and despising life.
I believe that I have always been drawn to Russian literature. At the risk of sounding like a snob by merely mentioning the author's name, I do have to say that I truly love Dostoevsky. Grand in scope, his books contain exhaustive detail that actually makes me feel as though I am truly living the character's life. While this is a wonderful thing to experience at times, his characters are positively human. They are selfish, beautiful, and at times awful to be with.
I don't know what draws me to these people, but I love wallowing in their misery. As the reader goes through every stage of these character's lives, it is hard to part with them when you reach the final page of the book that is absent of ink.

More on Russian lit later, I am merely writing this piece because I have not written in a while. At first, I intended this blog to be a place of vanity that would allow me to show off my offhanded wit. However, this well has run dry. Or it has been poisoned. Either way, there is nothing to drink.

As I thought about my literary endeavors and the merciless need to purge my soul with books, I wanted to know if any of you out there share the same desire.

While meager amounts of vanity remain, I want to open this blog up to readers and writers alike. I will be writing about what I am reading at the moment and encourage people to comment on whether they themselves had read the book and what they got from it. Whether it be philosophical rants or summaries of your favorite parts, I want to share the love of books. I will also give enough advance to those who might want to join in reading the book with me.

I have read many different books. While the previous sentence may be interpreted as an attempt to show how amazing I am, it was merely meant to say that on this blog we will be reading a wide variety of books. If you have any recommendations, please please please speak up.

So here it goes...the first book!

Wally Lamb's She's Come Undone

I have heard nothing but amazing things about Wally Lamb and so I just decided to go to Santa Cruz book store and pick up the first one that caught my eye.

If anyone wants to join in, I am just starting this now. Like Lamb says in the first chapter of this book, television is sharp and clear but unreliable.

Today is the Day

2009-08-25T09:46:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of school.

The sad thing is that I am 23 years of age.

This is like....the fifth time I have started school at a new school. This may be the last time. Yet, if I decide to get my PHD then I will be much older and probably won't get the jitters. I'll probably be too busy disciplining my kids and wondering how the heck I got so old rather than dealing with the "butterflies in my tummy."

I don't really know why I am so scared. There seems to be an idea in my head that whenever I get to a new school, there is some serious hazing to be done. I am sitting in the middle of a dark room, wearing only socks, my violent tears soaking through my polyester blindfold, while every one of the faculty verbally tears me apart. Apparently someone has given them a list of every one of my perceived weaknesses cause they nail every bullet-point. They start with my hair and work their way down, spending significant time on my brain and all of the little nuances locked inside of it. Eventually, the clean up the shop by ridiculing my overly wide feet.

This never happens, but I get worked up anyway.

It will probably actually happen today. That is why I am worked up.

Cheers

2009-08-22T10:52:00.000-07:00

I just have to say that I don't like it when people say "Cheers" when they mean "thank you."

If your at a bar with a couple of people from England and Manchester United just scores, then look at your friends, hit your overflowing pints of Michelob Ultra together and exclaim "CHEERS!"

But if your at a coffee shop, let's say my coffee shop, and I give you a drink. Don't say cheers. The first reason being that when you say "thank you," it is usually followed up by a customary "your welcome." When you utter the words "cheers" there is no follow up, unless you count the dead silence as a response. Which I wouldn't cause that is such an agonizing four seconds. I am not going to say, "Cheers to you too." I am also not going bring myself down to your level by responding with the same idiotic nonsense.

I get it. Don't think I don't. Your striving to be original. It's cute. You are rebelling against social norms and you think a coffee shop is going to be the best place to exercise your new found freedom...but don't. There are already to many maladies in the realm of human interaction. We don't need this filth.

If the Tv show Cheers was about Rita Pearlman going around trying to make herself seem hip then maybe you would have an excuse, but it wasn't, and you don't

DSM

2009-08-03T17:16:00.000-07:00

This rant is sponsored by Melody Petersen's book, Our Daily Meds.

When I first learned about the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), I was very impressed. I thought to myself that it was pretty impressive that a group of people got together and compiled a list of mental disorders. It seemed that only good could come of this since in order to treat a disease, you must first diagnose it. However, I am starting to believe that a book like the DSM could be the downfall of our society.

Before you say, "Reid...You're being dramatic."
I would like to say to you, "Don't worry, I am being dramatic."

First of all, I am a grandiose person. If I had a good day and somebody were to ask how my day was, I would most likely respond that it was one of the best days I have ever had. Conversely, if someone were to ask how my day was and it had not been a very good day, the moment would turn sour really fast. Religious or not, the person would probably ask to pray for me due to their concern that death was imminent for me.

For the layman, when I am up I am UP, when I am down I am DOWN.

No I do not think the DSM will actually be the downfall of our society. Jonas Brothers fanaticism is more likely to be a harbinger of Armageddon, but that is so depressing that I don't even want to attempt to write about it.

I do think that its scary that in 1952 there was only 106 mental illnesses listed in the DSM. By 1994, the list had grown to 357 mental disorders. (Petersen,99)

While I do believe that the growth in the list of illnesses is due to our advances in medical knowledge, but some of these have to be put in there just to scare people, or because people are bored, or because people want to find a disease that wins a spot in the coveted DSM. I would do it....I still might.

Not all of you are going to like this news because you want to believe that if something is in a medical book, then it is probably in there for a good reason. However, mental illnesses are not like diseases that infect the blood or other things in the body that can be detected. They are a set of character traits, or flaws to some people. Some doctors actually have boasted that they can tell if a person is depressed by only asking them two questions. They see this as a positive thing that enables the physician to prescribe their patients anti-depressants right away. What are these two questions? I wish I could figure it out.

I imagine they are: Are you depressed? and Did you know you look horribly depressed?

There is no way you can decide if someone needs a chemical aid with a mere two questions.

If you can surmise that someone is depressed based on two questions then you can probably guess that someone has other mental illnesses based on this meager criteria.

Don't believe me? A while ago a company tried to tell people that a large portion of the community suffered from a mental illness called "compulsive shopping disorder." While I do believe that a lot of us are compulsive shoppers, it isn't something that you can treat with pills. They tried though. The pill was called Celexa. It didn't get popular because of the backlash it created when it was featured on shows like Good Morning American. While it is good that this drug's future was quelled after its first television appearance, I wonder how many drugs have flown under the radar for illnesses that were created just so we could buy more pills.

Maybe it is just my machismo that doesn't let me succumb to snacking on Zoloft, but I hard time buying into that people need pills for every little personality quirk they might have. I am starting to believe Chris Rock when he said that some people are just "crazy." Plain and simply crazy.

I am sorry for those who read this and who are currently "suffering" from one of these disorders. Unless it is Restless Leg Syndrome, then I am not sorry. That is just called having too much espresso before bed time.

Contact

2009-07-19T18:59:00.000-07:00

Just so you know this post isn't all original material, it is inspired by a segment in A.J Jacobs book, "A Year of Living Biblically." So know that. Just know that.

In the book he is talking about a crazy person that lives in his apartment building. Although he likes her very much, she claims to get creeped out by him because of his eye contact. Jacobs had previously been self-diagnosed as someone who doesn't take the customary breaks from long periods of eye contact that happens during conversation, but it still seemed to hurt his feelings.

This moment during my reading is just like those moments one has while listening to stand up comedy. Where a comedian pokes fun at the mundane moments in life that normally do not require any brain waves and makes you say to your neighbor, "That is so true!"

I like these moments.

One of the things that has always stuck with me from my one visit to the "career center" at my local high school was that you should always look people in the eye during a conversation, especially a potential employer.

Sidenote: I imagine the reason I rarely ever visited the "career center" when I was younger was because it felt awkward to receive career advice from a person whom most likely never imagined as a child that one day they would be toiling to advise people what career to choose at the time in their life where they could not care less.

Anyway, this one visit certainly seared into my brain that when engaged in conversation, look the person in the eye.

However, they did not teach the customary breaks that happen during these conversations. I, like most people, seemed to have developed this skill on my own.

What if you did not pick up on this later in life? Or what if you just are very disciplined and do what you were told at an early age and always maintain eye contact no matter how daunting the situation may seem?

If you are one of these unadulterated eye contacters, then I am sorry for thinking that you are a serial killer. You just are doing what you were told.

I know this post is all over the place but I am on a time crunch and lets be honest, the topic isn't enthralling enough to required meticulous revision.

Just think about it and next time your in a conversation, don't break away. We can fight this together.

Comfort Betrays

2009-07-17T15:52:00.001-07:00

I like foods that are good. I know that seems simple enough but it really isn't. Although "Good" can be defined in myriad different ways, it is sad just how many foods out there aren't "good." I believe that good foods are ones that are good through and through. Good presentation, good taste, good nutrients. If one of the elements is missing in the culinary trinity, then I don't believe that it could be called a "good food." If a waiter brings you something that looks awful but tastes delicious, you most likely exclaim, "This actually tastes pretty good for how bad it looks!."

I know your thinking to yourself, "Reid....Reid.....Reid....Nachos happen to be very delicious and when I eat them I think,'boy these are good!.'" While it may appear that you have me cornered you do not at all. One because this is my blog and I can simply delete any seditious comments. But more importantly while you may think the nachos taste good, you know in the back of your head that you feel guilty for indulging in deep fried Tostitos swimming in synthetic "cheese." You never go home from gorging yourself on nachos truly believing in your heart that you made nothing but good decisions throughout the day. Therefore, in my logic, it is not a food that is good through and through.

Two foods for me fit this bill. Sandwiches and Burritos

Yes the sandwich. I am not talking about Paninis stuffed with oozing gobs of mozzarella. I am talking about the good old sandwich. Meat, Bread, and vegetables, together in an ensemble of delight and stuffed in your face.

Burritos. This one is a slippery slope because if one lacks discipline, a visit to Taqueria Vallarta may turn out to be more dangerous than drinking a 8 ounce glass of used mop water, with Pine-sol. If once just has the tortilla and simply fills it with beans and rice (protein power combo), and a meager portion of meat, than your body will be thrilled.

On top of the great taste of these two items and nutritional value, they are very easy on the eyes. I am salivating just thinking of these two treats and I don't think it is going to up the resale of my Powerbook if there is severe water damage.

Added Bonus Alert! They both fit in your hand. No fork included, no two ways to go about it. They go from your hand to your mouth. Have you ever seen someone eat a burrito with a fork? I know they are trying to be polite but it ends up just being really sad. I pray for those people, whatever is causing them to partake in this erratic behavior.

Anyway, if you can think of any other food that fits this bill let me know. If not, leave me comments to delete.

And We're Back

2009-07-13T18:43:00.000-07:00

I have been gone. I have been gone in Japan. I have been gone and missing my blog. I didn't want to write while I was in Japan. The reason being that during the day I don't think I would do certain things if I knew that I was going to have to write about them later. I know this sounds bizarre ,but, about 75 percent of the things I do during a single day involve not brain activity whatsoever. For example, I am going to let the cat out of the bag here on this one, but during one night in Tokyo we were having sushi. As I was about so slide the delicious fish down my gullet I noticed a giant green ball of wasabi out of the corner of my eye. Without a single movement of my brain, I picked up the glowing ball with my chopsticks and threw it into my mouth. Exit brain thought, enter chaos. It didn't make sense and it shouldn't. As an "adult" now, I shouldn't be shoving balls of wasabi in my mouth just cause I saw it. Yet, I don't regret it personally. I am however, having to defend myself here and that is not something I wanted to do on a daily basis. So I just decided to forgo writing.

I am back now, so here I go.

In the New Yorker, Elizabeth Kolbert attempted to answer why we are so fat?

We know that the simple answer is that we eat too much and don't exercise. We desire quantity and nix quality. Yet, Liz writes that in the old days people had smaller brains and therefore, required less food to fuel those brains. We as a people nowadays have larger brains and now need to eat more to fuel our brains.

She writes: "Brains are calorically demanding organs. Our distant ancestors had small ones. Australopithecus afarensis, for example, who lived some three million years ago, had a cranial capacity of about four hundred cubic centimetres, which is roughly the same as a chimpanzee’s. Modern humans have a cranial capacity of about thirteen hundred cubic centimetres."

My problem with Liz's hypothesis is this. If we have bigger brains to fuel now, shouldn't we be seeing smarter people? Cause I am just seeing the bigger bodies, yet it seems we are leaking common sense. I mean have you seen the hills? Seriously, Have you?

A Hard Lesson to Learn

2009-05-20T10:12:00.000-07:00

Ever since I was a young child, a young lad, I was enrolled in school. There really never was a time that I can remember when I wasn't somehow attached to school. Summer vacations and other time off were just, "a break from school." My indentured servitude to the educational system meant that my whole schedule depended on whether I had school or not.
I remember specifically one day my mom woke me up and said that we were going to play "hooky" (Hook-Key) from school. At first I was bewildered. Not only was I trying to regroup myself after nearly 8 grueling hours of REM Sleep, but I was unfamiliar with what "hooky" was. I thought maybe this was a game that my mother used to play when she was younger. My mind leaped to thoughts of games such as kick the can or other Depression era "time fillers," which made the enthusiasm leave my body immediately. Yet, after more thought, I realized those thoughts didn't make sense chronologically since my mom would have to be near one hundred years old in order for her to be alive during the depression and I alas conceded to this so called "hooky."

It was a very pleasant day. We visited our local IN and Out Burger and spent time there for a couple of hours. After that, we went to the cinemas to lose our minds in some celluloid. I soon came to find out that "hooky" was just a day away from school. I really loved that my mom did that for me, but then I began to wonder what was happening at school without me. Due to the fact that I had always been in school and my life seemed to revolve around it like the earth to the sun, I was very concerned for my classmates. This coupled with a young, naive, and egocentric state of mind, meant that I couldn't conceive of what school was doing without me!

At first I just assumed that the teachers came to school and as they scanned through the role sheet, everything just stopped. Reid was not in attendance. Why go on? Disillusioned, they shuffled out the door and prayed that I would return safely the next day.

While I was flattered by the first thought, my mind began to jump to more terrifying scenarios. I imagined that because I was not at school people were freaking out to the point where the school just descended into chaos. Terrorists were claiming that they were going to execute people one by one if I did not return to hear my English teacher's preplanned lecture on, "Finnigan's Wake."

While you may think there is no way I would think this as a Jr. Higher, I assured you that thoughts like this did go through my mind. Although I didn't take them seriously enough to go looking up the number for the SWAT task force in the Yellow Pages, I did spend ample time thinking about this stuff. I attribute this to not only a wicked and subversive imagination, but the fact that the TNT station constantly showed the movie Delta Force starring Chuck Norris.

Needless to say, since I had never been away from school. I could not picture my life without it. Upon my return, I realized that everything that been ok. There was no serious threats on anyones lives and my teachers actually seemed ok with me not being there.

While this may seem like a good thing to a lot of people, I was kind of disheartened to learn that this world didn't revolve around me. As I am older now, I feel like I am learning that lesson over and over everyday. Although I am relieved that it doesn't revolve around me since I don't believe I would be a fantastic world leader, I do wish the nation would anxiously await my next blog post.

P.S - I do believe most of the world do in fact read my blog and eagerly await my every word.

To them I have to say:

Dear Obama, Bono, Carrot-Top, and others whom love my work:

Thank you for all your support over the year(s). You guys keep me going on. I appreciate your comments and understand your anonymity.

Love,
Reid

Loving Lit

2009-05-16T17:39:00.000-07:00

I don't know if any of you have had the pleasure of seeing a man sporting a t-shirt that has the phrase, "so many books, so little time" on it. If you have you are probably aware how wonderful a moment such as this is. The sweatshirt is clearly the crux of the outfit while the rest of the ensemble is usually an afterthought. It is clear that as long as the sweatshirt is readable to the general public, then the person does not care about the rest.

If you happen to catch a man of this caliber walking around your neighborhood then you are aware of the impact he has on your life. If you are not a fan of books, then you most likely will scoff at the man's seemingly offbeat attire. For the record this is all speculation because I do not fall into that camp. I, and others who are a big fan of books, look at this man and understand his concern. We not only empathize, but we mentally applaud him for expressing himself. There is just so many books to read and so little time to read them.

I had a professor at UCSC whom wore that shirt constantly. I loved this man. He was not only an amazing history professor, but he had an uncanny resemblance to author David Sedaris.

Sedaris entered my life early in High School. My mother tried to get me to read a copy of his novel "Naked" many times. However, I didn't pick it up cause I was at the time too occupied with the Harry Potter series. Yet, it all worked out in the end because J.K Rowling took so long to come out with her fifth book that I forgot all that had happened in the series so far and thus decided to abandon Hogwarts altogether. After my bitter departure from that magical series, I drowned my sorrows in another book. Luckily, my rebound affair turned out to be Sedaris's, "Dress Your Family In Corduroy." I was just fascinated that someone could take the world around them and pick apart life's little idiosyncrasies in such a way where you cannot help but laugh. Although Sedaris was truly a gateway drug into my life of books, it wasn't until I picked up a copy of Kurt Vonnegut's "Slaughterhouse Five" that I finally learned just how important literature is.

I had always heard the title "Slaughterhouse Five" growing up. Now that I think of it, it is funny that I had never picked up the book before being the horror movie fan that I am because nothing screams macabre more than, "Slaughterhouse Five." After I had read the first part of the book I knew that this guy had the same thing that Sedaris had, yet he had the gaul to deal with life. Don't get me wrong, I love stories of Sedaris's that deal with the unflushable turd that haunted him at a friend's dinner party, but using humor to explore the parts of life that normally scare us is absolutely brilliant. To me it seems there really is no other way to deal with the things that terrify us, because as Mr. Vonnegut said himself, "Humor is an almost physiological response to fear."

I could go on talking about this book all night. I could even talk about my "favorite parts" that really inspired me. Yet, the point of this blog was just to let you know how I was first introduced to one of my favorite authors in hopes to inspire you to pick up one of his novels.

I guess I could leave you with a couple of Vonnegut quotes.

"The feeling about a soldier is, when all is said and done, he wasn't really going to do very much with his life anyway. The example usually is: he wasn't going to compose Beethoven's Fifth."

"Who is more to be pitied, a writer bound and gagged by policemen or one living in perfect freedom who has nothing more to say?"

"Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae."

"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward."

"People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order so they'll have good voice boxes in case there's ever anything really meaningful to say."

Movie Reviews!

2009-05-01T18:38:00.001-07:00

I recently attended the midnight showing of X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

This film is a true representation of how you can strip away anything good of a franchise and replace it with explosions just so you can make more money. I get it, fire is super cool. The cavemen totally dug it because you know....it helped them sustain life. It is clearly really special because we don't really rely on fire that much anymore to sustain life, yet we keep it around just so people can have a focal point during their political discussions at your dinner parties that you host every couple of weeks to impress your friends and prove to them that you and your wife are not reclusive. (I know it was a major run on sentence, but i'm proving a point.)

Fire is neat. It is impressive and it's kind of fun to splurge and buy the Dura-Flame log that creates different color flames. However, I feel it should be used sparingly in a motion picture. You know...to create drama.

An explosion is the pinnacle of action. Tension is created by the threat of something going to explode. That is how MacGyver existed as a television series. Every episode dealt with him attempting to prevent explosion and that was it. He knew that if the bomb blew, that would be it.

Yet, the director of this film, Gavin Hood, apparently had never watched MacGuyver. Which is really weird considering that he had previously acted in episodes of Stargate SG-1 which starred Macgyver himself, Richard Dean Anderson.

Anyway, Mr. Hood decided to just fill the Wolverine film with tons of poorly executed explosions and awful dialogue. There was no tension building. There was no, "Holy Heck! That bomb is going to go off anytime soon! Let's get out of here or we'll all die!"

It was just boom. Boom. Boom.

I know that superhero films require a suspension of belief when you enter the cinema, but it is truly unbelievable that the director could make a movie with so much explosions and so little heart.

But, they already have my money. So I guess I'll be seeing all of you guys next year at the midnight showing of "Big Explosions: The Movie"

The Red Scare Clothing Company

2009-04-28T18:01:00.001-07:00

I think I want to start a new company. This company would be a clothing company that supports communism. Why? It just seems like a good idea. Also, I think mildly confused teenagers would wear it thinking that they are making a profound statement about themselves, when in reality the general public knows that they have no idea of the implications. Just look at the surplus of Che shirts purchased at your local Hot Topic. Trust me...there is a market for my shirts.

It would be called "The Red Scare Clothing Company." I think it has a nice ring to it.

Am I Communist? No.

If I were around, would I have been totally pumped by the Bolshevik Revolution of 1917? Not Particularly.

Do I wanna make a quick buck by selling eccentric T-Shirts to high schoolers whom are in the process of finding their "true" identity? Of Course.

I have some good shirt ideas also. Close your eyes and pretend these are printed on a big red Hanes Beefy-T.

"You've Got A Friend In Me. And I've Got a Friend in Senator Joe McCarthy."

"Berlin Would Be For Lovers, Had They Not Gotten Rid of that Wall!"

"Seriously, is there anything that Capitalism hasn't ruined? I mean General Motors has been driven (pun intended) into the ground! Let's go back to the only ideology that mattered. I mean seriously...Communism was pretty legit."

"Russia had it right!"

"I hate Ed Hardy! But heart the Chinese Red Army!"

I do know that this won't be an easy task and also know that some dangers may arise in the future. The one that looms over my head the most is what happens if another Iron Curtain descends over Europe. America will then find itself in another battle against communism. If this happens, I'm most likely going to be tried for Sedition. Which really sucks cause I bet people like that get no respect in prison. People who murder someone can strike fear into the other inmates. I don't think anyone will be scared of someone who is in prison for saying stuff that the government particularly agree with. Not to mention the countless times I have to explain to people in the big house what Sedition even means.

Maybe I shouldn't do this after all.

All Over The Place

2009-04-26T23:55:00.001-07:00

My brother's wedding was last night. Weddings are absolutely beautiful. Everyone leaves their problems at the door and are there to celebrate two people dedicating their lives to one another. There is nothing like weddings, just like there is no place like airports. Do you know of a place where utter happiness and absolute despair co-exist in one place besides the airport?

Because of the wedding I am very happy for my brother. Yet, I find myself up late at night just being a big bag of mixed emotions.

Everywhere I look on the net there is something there to lead me into the next plane of thought.

If you wish to follow me:
Go to Dredg's myspace (myspace.com/dredg) and listen to their new song "I Don't Know" where they sing about how it is impossible to know truly what happens when you die. Since their is no way to understand what happens after you die, then you should just stop trying to find a real answer. Although I don't totally agree with it, it is interesting to think about should you choose to go down that path.

If you don't wish to do that. Then try to get some sleep. I know that I should but my brain won't shut off.

Orality

2009-04-13T21:21:00.000-07:00

This morning. I had some of my wisdom teeth pulled. Naturally I was a little worried seeing as how I don't like surgery. Weird huh?

The night before the surgery I decided to use the internet to find out just how long my recovery time might be. At first, I thought this was a mistake since I had stumbled upon some horror stories about people's jaws breaking during surgery. After a brief panic and trying to think of ways to get around my death at the hands of someone who statistically might already be having thoughts of suicide, I began to find some internet bloggers whom began to assure me that everything was going to be fine.

What intially made me so paranoid I found out was that I was looking on the wrong websites. Starting out with sites like Web M.D, I was only being barraged with the opinions of people above the age of 30. You know, people who are typically seen as "Mature Adults." This group of people seemed to be afraid of everything. Not only had they heard stories about jaws being broken during surgery, but that the medicine prescribed to them was causing them to slip into fortnight long comas. (I have always wanted to use fortnight in a sentence so back off.)

Yet, while the mature adults were mainly concerned with just living through the teeth pulling ordeal, I soon found that the younger generation of bloggers brought me more joy than I could have ever imagined to find on the internet.

Most of the younger generation of bloggers were mainly concerened with whether they could go to a party that night. They are well aware that the doctors urge patients to get plenty of rest and take good care of their mouths. Yet, social suicide appears to be more daunting to them than a wee bit of "Dry Socket." Also why sit and home and watch Turner Classic Movies hopped up on Vicodine, when you can just take the pills with your alcohol and play a little game called, "I hope I wake up in the morning." Although I knew these kids were quite stupid, their mildly educated words gave me comfort throughout the night.

When the surgery came around, I was ready. I was mentally prepared and convinced that I would walk out of the office feeling simply fantastic. This new mindset was quite comforting to me and it carried me all the way until I got into the actual chair and was shown a video about the things that "may go wrong" during the surgery.
Now I am all for patients being informed about all the prodding that a doctor will be inflicting on their body, but I feel as though it should be somewhat sugar coated unless otherwise specified by the patient.

The surgeon could have told me soon he would given me a lollipop that once I finished the entire treat that my teeth would have magically disappeared painfree and I would have been thrilled. Although I know it was a blatant lie, I would have appreciated the comfort and been happy that he wasn't too far along in his dental depression to still find the happiness to make a few quips.

However, he chose to show me a video that informed me that I may never again experience things such as: taste, feeling in my lips, sinus comfort, the ability to stop bleeding, the joy that comes from a beating heart, and other things of that nature. This litany of pain again put me in a state of discomfort. Yet, I found out the reason why they show you that film before the surgery. The reason is this, it really doesn't matter what they show you before the surgery because once they get the drugs in you, your thoughts don't matter.

As soon as I was mainlined with the morphine or whatever sedative was given to me, my fears just melted away. The only thing I remember of the surgery was that there were a couple of pairs of hands in my mouth at one time. Apparently the sedative was strong because I could not have been more delighted with the taste of latex and having my mouth stretched to its limits.

Once I came to, the surgery was over. My mouth was full of gauze and I could not believe that the surgery had concluded. I no longer cared about the macabre details of my surgery, I just told myself that the magical lollipop had abraded my mouth till it was raw.

In the end, you can spend all of your life fretting about surgery, or you just can fix your mind on things such as drugs. I know that sentence probably doesn't fly with parents or any of the bloggers over 30 on Web M.D. But, as long as the anesthetics are strong, worrying won't do you any good. Let's just be thankful that when we don't walk into a doctor's office they don't just hand us a bottle of hard alcohol and say, "Let's see what we can do." Cause in those days there is a good chance that that sentence really meant, "You should have probably just ignored the pain because I am most likely going to kill you."

P.S. - I know this joke is probably extremely old, but why are they called wisdom teeth? Cause when a dentist says, "You got some wisdom teeth coming in." We're sitting in the chair thinking, "Good, it's about time." So it's naturally a shock when they want to take them out.
I say from an early age the dentist should call these teeth, "Evil Death Teeth." Cause then patients would probably be more eager to try to get them extracted. Consequently, dentists would get paid more since more people would be lining up to get their, "Evil Death Teeth" taken away. That would boost the economy and we'll be out of this recession in no time.

See, you may find most of my posts to be vain and self-indulgent, but at least you'll have something to talk about at your next dinner party since pretty much the econonmy is all anyone talks about anymore.

Faith and Sports

2009-03-16T09:10:00.000-07:00

I have never been a big fan of Mother Teresa. Before some of you get upset, hear me out. All of my life I have never known anything about mother Teresa other than she was supposedly a wonderful human being. Upon hearing these comments I then immediately went back to thinking about whatever I was or was not doing at the time. (Eating A Bagel, Writing My Memoir, Skin Grafting)
I believe it be due to proximity. I had never encountered this lady or anyone whom she had personal contact with. This coupled with the fact that most of her work was done in Calcutta meant that other than a brief reference from a teacher, I knew nothing of her.

My relationship with Mother Teresa was akin to my relationship to Larry Bird. I have heard from some people that there was a basketball player named Larry Bird. On top of this, I have heard that he was an amazing basketball player. However, I do not know anybody whom has been to a game that Bird played in. Nor have I ever watched a Celtics game in my entire life. I also don't think I was mentally stable enough at the age of seven to see one of his last games in 1992. Therefore, he is this distant figure, whom I personally know nothing about but have heard nothing but great things. Just like Mother Teresa.

(By the way, this may be my only sports reference that you will ever see in this blog and I'm sorry it wasn't more obscure for you avid sports fans. I know that Larry Bird is the go to guy for white losers like me, while names such as "Pistol" Pete Maravich and Bill Russell would have put a smile on the faces of those whom are probably too busy checking their fantasy sports teams rather than appreciating this blog.)

Anyway, Now that I have clearly established a strained relationship with Agnes(her first name), I have recently realized what an amazing woman that she was.

Aside from living on Time Magazine's list of 100 most influential people, her name is used in daily conversation as if it were synonymous with perfect. We have all heard sentences uttered such as, "Who do you think you are? Mother Teresa?" While her name is good for serving the purpose to make people feel bad for trying to do something nice for once in their lives, I have recently come to discover that what makes her beautiful is not her perfection, but how outspoken she was about her imperfection.

A while back, an article was written about her in the aforementioned Time Magazine. While this is one of her nearly hundred of appearances in this magazine, this was trumpeted as the defining moment in how the public should view her. Her diary that she requested to be burned after her death, was put in the church's hands and given over to the people. In in, she chronicled correspondence that she had with a particular individual in which she expressed that she had times in her life where she did not feel God's presence. She once wrote, “In my own soul, I feel the terrible pain of this loss. I feel that God does not want me, that God is not God and that he does not really exist.” (Religionnewsblog.com)

CNN also dedicated serious time to this discovery. They paraded this diary around as if it were proof that someone such as Mother Teresa was not perfect. This crisis in faith was now the definitive proof that a self proclaimed woman of God was not and could never be perfect.

I know that I am a little late on this train, but reading into the story more, I don't think I could ever be more encouraged than I am right now.

There was a woman, whom felt that God was calling her to live and feed the homeless in Calcutta. Not only did she do it, but she wasn't perfect. She had the same feelings that all of us have. Christians, Non Christians, Agnostics, Whomever. She questioned her very nature on this earth. She was not bestowed with supernatural gifts that made her impervious to pain. She hurt so bad that she constantly felt that this God who called her there may not have even existed.

To me, she is now finally someone I can tangibly empathize with. She won't be used in any of my sentences to ridicule someone for trying to live within the realm of unattainable perfection.

Does that mean that all of my bags are packed and I am ready to move to Calcutta tomorrow to carry on her work? No

Because as of now I am not as strong of a person as she was. But it is within my reach and anyone else's for that matter.

Anyone on this planet can make an immense difference and bring joy and love to those who seem so far from it. We may all need to grow a bit, but it is within our reach.

That is how I was encouraged by by Mother Teresa today.

I know it's like beating a dead horse, but she was a pretty amazing lady.

I do believe that God is there. That Jesus Christ died for our sins. That there is love in this world. That we can experience love on a daily basis, even when it seems like there is nothing there. I don't believe that all the time because sometimes I have bad days, but I try the best I can.

We just need to step outside of ourselves sometimes to feel it.

Being Difficult, Being 20: Part 1: You Cannot Always Get What You Want

2009-03-13T14:10:00.000-07:00

College is done. It has been finished for some time. As I sit here now I currently hold a degree, yet I hold no clue as to what I am to be doing in the future.

I also know that as I sit here I am and desire to always be special, not your average run of the mill. I know that my last sentence is one that everyone on the planet says to themselves numerous times during their lives, even if it is subconsciously.

It seems to me that we all desire to live better than those around us because the best way to know your worth is by comparing yourself to your peers. In turn, that desire causes us to do crazy things to set ourselves apart. i.e: go to college, write a book, start a blog, and so on.

Cause when we go to college and make plans for our future, or finally put that pen to paper, it reassures us that we will not go unnoticed. We will not rot behind a desk at a company that cares nothing for me. I will not watch my passion for life dwindle. I will not, I will not, I will not...

I want to be noticed, and it has never been more apparent until I graduated from college. Cause after college what do you do? You get a job, just like everyone else and you rot away.

I have honestly had two thoughts that have run through my head ever since I graduated.

1) I need to get back into college
2) I should write a book

When your growing up it is easy to set yourself apart from the rest. Hence why there are clicks. Your are athletic or your into music and art. While you have have a small group of cronies whom have the same interests as you, your still unique. Your an amazing athlete with so much promise, or you like magic trading cards and listening to black metal while the adults around you feel that you are going through, "a bit of a phase."

Once college hits, you carry that promise with you. College sparks all kinds of interests and experimentation. You find yourself picketing for minority rights out in front of your college bookstore or taking a class on things that you never imagined one could study. You are just...you.

Yet, when you finally exit your college years. Things get a bit tricky. This is the time when your "supposed" to get a job. This "job" thing is the very same thing that your parents have. Not only your parents, but those kids whom you went to high school with that you felt never measured up to their "true potential." To most people in their early 20's, a job means that you suit up and sell out.

However, if you truly wish to circumvent this seemingly tragic ending. There are steps you can take and they are two-fold.

1) Go Back To College
2) Write a Book

Looking at option one is indeed a daunting task. Not only does your sense of accomplishment for having getting your BA go down the drain since their are new goals ahead of you, but it is also a really hard task getting into graduate school. Especially in this economy.

So if your like me, you are currently looking at option two.

However, in my next installment I will look at how this isn't an easy option either.

We Will Overcome!

2009-02-18T09:23:00.000-08:00

Recently, I have just been really annoyed by all the hatred that is being spit by anyone who claims to be interested in politics.

Check out some of these soundbites I have recently heard from random bystanders in the past couple of days.

"Obama is change, he is love, and you republicans can go eat a horse and fall in a toilet!"

Or

"Tradition is best! It is what makes this country what it is! I hate everything and everyone that doesn't line up with my view."

Or

"Friday the 13th is the worse horror film remake on the planet! Thank goodness everyone in the film died cause if I saw their nasty faces in anymore films, I think I would do myself in!"

While all of these quotes are false because I just made them up right now, and the third quote really doesn't fit into the whole argument at all, they represent this type of hate and anger that I am seeing everywhere I look.

I am really good at ignoring things and letting them build up inside me and although I hear stress isn't good for you per se, if your good at something, why quit?

However, I was perusing my locally owned organic bookstore, Borders, and I happen to come across the answer to mine and American's problems. In fact, this cure all is so effective that not only will I no longer have to deal with everyone else spitting hate everywhere, but I will no longer have to be a ticking time bomb of stress.

So, What is this answer to all the world's ills?

It is Chuck Norris's brand new book!

This is no joke, this is life changing.

Just check out the reviews on the amazon.com page. They are glowing.

This is the answer!

Post all of your thank you's in the replies.

Books

2009-02-09T19:56:00.000-08:00

I love books. They are one of the things that makes me feel alive. Television, while enjoyable, only truly succeeds in numbing me. That is not to take away from amazing television shows such as Ellen or Buffy the Vampire Slayer, they don't hold a candle to books.

As much as I like the challenge of taking on big books, I usually choose them because I have a really hard time enjoying small ones. Not only does it take me a hundred pages or so to truly become invested in a book, but I like to visit these characters on a daily basis.

I just finished Philip Norman's lengthy biography of John Lennon. Being a big Beatles fan, I already knew how John's life came to a tragic end. Yet, for the weeks that I was reading John's everyday life, I always knew that when I got home from work he would be there waiting for me. It is books like these that make me appreciate redundancy, because sometimes it is necessary in order to put of reaching the end.

Finally, when I did close the final page, it really broke my heart that not only was John murdered, but my journey with him ended on that last page. It really made me feel like I knew the guy. Whether or not he was actually how he was portrayed by the author doesn't matter. I just really appreciated hanging out with John for the last bit of my life.

All I know is that I like big books.

I hope this makes sense to somebody.

Almond Joy

2009-01-18T23:46:00.001-08:00

Almonds have always had a bad reputation. Sure everyone has heard in at least one conversation that, "You can live off of just six almonds a day, ya know." But in the end, nobody cares because nobody will try it. If you do find yourself in a situation where you barely have enough money to buy a single food item, I can almost guarantee you are not going to spring for the bag of almonds since they are like $43 a pound.

Anyway, Almonds, unless shaved on top of a salad, really are overlooked.

Until today.

Today at my local New Leaf market that I will one day frequent on a regular basis, I came across a small pearl in one of the aisles.

That pearl, ta dah!, ALMOND MILK!

It is really milk that is made out of almonds.

I know they already did this with soy, but lets face it, soy sucks. It doesn't taste anything like milk and most people just order it at a coffee shop because it makes them sound sophisticated. I always see that look on people's faces when they are so surprised that I don't say, "What's your favorite Medium?" when they order their Soy Chai.

What an awful combination. Soy and Chai. Both suck, and surprisingly still don't taste good when put together.

Anyway, Almond Milk.

Actually tastes like Milk. Doesn't need to be refrigerated. Only 40 calories per 8 oz serving. Tastes great with cereal. Isn't soy. Does it get any better? Only if you have more than 1 carton of this manna.

Check it out, don't cheat yourself. Life can and will be good, with Almond Milk.

http://s2.thisnext.com/media/230x230_no_border/Blue-Diamond-Almond-Milk_071A71F1.jpg

Dear Peets

2009-01-06T09:24:00.001-08:00

Dear Peets Coffee,
Just because you play classical music in your shop, doesn't make you superior to other coffee shops. Just because you made it a pain in the butt to find seating and only have 3 or 4 little "cute" tables in there, doesn't make you superior to other coffee shops. Just because you hire mature individuals who look like they are "young at heart", doesn't make you superior to other coffee shops.

Your fantastic and aromatic coffee selection, does make you superior to other coffee shops.

Come on Peets, your not fooling anyone.
We know your great, but your a bit cocky.

Know your role,

Reid

A Big Waste of Time

2008-12-10T09:58:00.000-08:00

The other day when I was driving in my car(automobile), I realized something that I have always known, but never wanted to really deal with in my mind(brain).

Bicycle outfits are pointless and stupid.

I know, i'm being controversial right out of the gate, but seriously they really don't have a purpose in this world other than to make some people feel like they are something that they are not.

While driving in said automobile (car), I saw a man in jeans riding a road bike. Wait for it....
He was blazing past a group of people (humans) who were also road biking, but were covered from head to toe in "Cyclist Gear."

While some people (idiots) could make an argument that this garb is superior to other clothing one could wear while cycling, it's not.

In the end, the only people I see sporting this clothing are people who want to "feel" like a biker and are really not.

I'm at work, but I will get back to this topic soon.

I just wanted to feed my puppies

My Life Has Been Taken Over By The Nerd In Me

2008-11-29T11:00:00.000-08:00

A Taste of Things To Come!

Twilight

2008-11-22T02:59:00.000-08:00

Twilight. I'm sure everybody has been affected by this book in one way or another. Whether or not you have a sibling whom has been infected by this craze, or you yourself have succumb to the temptation, It's ok, I understand.

I read the first book and I am on the second book.
While I do not think that Stephanie Meyer is a good author, I do think that she has created a very interesting world that keeps the reader desiring to revisit every chance they get.

With that said, If you plan on reading this book, I beg you to not see the film.

I just got out of the theater not that long ago and it is certainly atrocious. It is not accurate to the book at all and in fact, makes the book seem like a literary masterpiece when you compare the two.

It isn't very accurate to the book and threw away what I felt were some of the best parts of the book.

SO in other words, I am a loser. I investigated the Twilight craze and I became a TWILIGHTER if you will, I wish you won't.

While you make fun of me, it will catch up to you one day. Oh yes it will. Soon you will be flipping the pages and desiring to know what Edward and Bella are up to.

All I ask is that you stay away from the film.

Please do so. Please.

Movie Reviews: The Second Installment

2008-11-16T14:30:00.000-08:00

Here are the latest movie reviews from my brain.

Let the Right One In: This movie should have been called, "A suprisingly good film about preteen vampires that will make you leave the theatre thinking, 'I am pretty sure I just saw the most beautiful/horrific film ever made.'"

Quantum of Solace: This movie would be better suited with the titled. "Quantum of a whole lot of action with not a lot of story to back it up. However, it is a pretty amazing movie if you think about all the other Bond movies ever made, I mean come on, those movies are serious terrible. This may be one of the most horrible franchises in movie history. Yet, this one isn't bad. Go see it."

Finally,

Rolemodels: This film should have been called: "A suprisingly consistent and funny film. I mean you may predict every turn the story takes, but it is good for a solid hour and a half of chuckling. I mean, Reid saw it twice. Weird huh?"

I am aware these film titles are rather long, but they would at least inform the audience about the roller coaster ride (movie) they are about to embark on.

Thank you for your time

Guilty As Charged

2008-11-14T17:52:00.001-08:00

I would like to think that I am a pretty good judge of music. However, no matter how I try to protect myself from certain types of music, it always finds its way in.

Case in Point: Paramore

Although I want to hate them, they got into my head. It started out as an innocent joke. Now it has just turned bad. Now I listen to them daily. It's really sick. Just so I don't feel alone, I put some videos up for you guys to get hooked also.

Enjoy:

Goolish!

2008-10-28T10:46:00.000-07:00

It's almost Halloween time! This is really exciting for me. I am really sorry you guys if you wanted a super awesome serious post. I just wanted to let you know that I love Halloween!

I love it cause there is candy! And just to let you in on a secret "I have sweet teeth!"

It would be better if I just had a sweet tooth, but NOPE! I have multiple SWEET TEETH!

I don't floss either, bad combo. But in the end! What is God going to look at? The fact that I slide plastic (I think) between my teeth for 15 minutes a day, or the fact that I celebrated his love by inhaling Mars Bars.

Sidenote: Do you think that since God knows EVERYTHING, that he doesn't find as much joy in Choose Your Own Adventure novels as lets say, someone who doesn't know Everything.

Anyway, I love halloween. I'm going to be OBAMA. That way I can have fun, but also campaign!

Campaigning and Candy!

Here's the Cherry on top of the already delicious sundae.

I love to hang out with children! Don't get weird ed out America! I just enjoy spending time with them because I feel like they are going through emotionally what I face on an everyday basis. Questions like: "How can I possibly consume more candy?" and other questions like "How is a chowder different than other soups?"

Halloween is the only night I can do all of my favorite things. 1)Eat Candy 2) Campaign 3)Talk with people my mental age about things I'm interested in for a change!

Have a safe and fun Halloween!

3 Musketeers Please!

Tight Black Shirt

2008-10-22T10:52:00.001-07:00

I know I have complained about the news before. However, it seems to be getting worse.

As I thumbed through the channels last night, I payed a little visit to CNN. I don't know why my mind was drawn to CNN, but it was. Information was being thrown at me from every direction. Not only was the little bar at the bottom of the television giving me information about Lindsay Lohan's latest drug bust, but also a portly man on the main screen was fiddling with an electronic map that in no way shape or form made sense. I am pretty sure that the brains behind CNN feel that if they have a $50,000 screen that lights in order to better explain the complex nature of the election, then viewers will trust that CNN has the "Real" Facts.
Yet they don't. Why? Because their main attraction is Anderson Cooper. An while he may look sexy gliding through terrorist jungles in a tight black T-shirt, he is still an idiot. I rarely ever see him actually explain the news. He always just assembles a panel of people who hate each other and who insist on arguing until the truth is revealed, which will never happen.

Yet, people trust men in tight shirts. They need the news flashy and "Raw." Cnn has Andy Coop whom is sexy, and Fox News has O'Reilly who just yells at people who don't share his ignorance.

It seems people would go crazy if they had to listen one mild mannered man tell, not shout, the news without hip and flashy graphics.

Until then, people like Limbaugh, O'Reilly, Cooper, Hannity and Skeletor, will be the bearer of news for 90% of the American people.

And that my friends, should scare the living ___________ out of you.

Post Script:

For those of you wondering why I put Hannity and Skeletor. It is because I think Colmes of Hannity and Colmes looks like Skeletor.

Proof is in the pudding:

The Good Ol' Days

2008-10-21T09:48:00.000-07:00

Last Night,

My roommate and I watched the first installment of the Ken Burns documentary on the Civil War. It is a fascinating documentary, albeit the running time is nearly 15 hours. However, even though it was exciting to see how people who lived during this time reacted to the war around them, it was also discouraging in some places also.

One reason it was discouraging was because the generals of the Civil War had some really bizarre yet flattering nicknames. For example, there was a famous general during the beginning of the war whom was nicknamed "Ol' Fuss and Feathers." I'm sorry if you don't think that is just plain awesome. Imagine yourself walking into a bar, wearing clogs, and as soon as you break through those old salon doors you hear someone shout, "Hey Ol' Fuss and Feathers, we saved a seat fo ya!" That is certainly more excited then hearing the usual Santa Cruzian "Sup Bro."

What discouraged me about this was that those nicknames are long gone. The only nicknames I hear regularly are "dude", "butthead" and of course the aforementioned "Bro." I long for a good nickname, the kind that you hear that makes you wonder how someone could have ever been possibly given that title. How does someone get "Ol' Fuss and Feathers"? I don't know. Most importantly, I don't care. Cause it's probably a story I don't want to hear, but it's a nickname my ears salivate for. (Gross)

The other discouraging thing about this documentary was the fact that it was narrated by actors that were reading private journals of this period. Men whom took long hours of the day to dictate the days events in the most eloquent way possible. I cannot even begin to give an example because it is so beautiful.
This just made me sad because when people study the past ten years of our history, they won't find wordy journals. They will find blogs from 13 year olds and people such as I. It will read, "Today sucked butt. I totally got an F on my Paper. This girl text me today, I was like whatever...Bro. 9/11 was an inside job. I'm out!"

This is sad to me because I cannot picture Garrison Keeler's voice reading that.

I just long for the good old days. The days of Civil War. I bet that is the only time you will ever hear that sentence.

9/11 was an inside job. I'm out!

They're Coming to Get Your Barbara!

2008-10-18T01:09:00.000-07:00

This weekend I am visiting my friend Jonny yet again in San Francisco. While it is always whimically ostensibly great to come here, tonight was especially wonderful.

We attended the Castro Theatre's "Shock It To Me" Festival.

The night consisted of a double feature of classic horror movies, Spider Baby and Night of the Living Dead. On top of this, the event was hosted by Ms.Monster, whom apparently is a national icon. As if this wasn't enough, Sid Haig was also there. If you are not familiar with this name, don't worry. Even if you "googled" him you probably wouldn't recognize him. Yet, for the .1% of morons who are familiar with his work in extremely low budget horror films, it was quite a treat.

While the movies were great to see on the big screen, I couldn't help but think about our host Ms. Monster. As the picture shows, she is a woman whom covers herself in blueish/green paint and makes appearances at horror movie conventions for a living. I just wondered how someone gets into that line of work. I cannot imagine that she makes really good money and I don't think her parents are super proud of their little girl's career choice. I just wonder where the satisfaction comes from. Who am I judge right?

I guess we all want attention. Heck I am probably just jealous that I didn't think of it first. She did make the event better, which in turn made me have a more enjoyable experience.

So in the end, I am proud of Ms. Monster. You go girl. You are the American dream.

Forget Joe the Plumber, the real working class hero is Ms. Monster.

Think about it, I just did.

Shallow

2008-10-16T09:37:00.000-07:00

If you know me, I'm sorry.

If you know me, I can almost guarantee that I have asked you a question that attempts to gauge how shallow you are.

This question usually is formatted like this:
"What if you met the man/woman of your dreams, he was perfect in every way, except _____. Would you be able to spend the rest of your life with him/her?"

I have filled this blank in with many different scenarios such as, "he/she carried a Wii-Mote around their wrist everywhere they went." or "He/she would only get married if the song 'you spin me right round baby right round' would be the only song played throughout your wedding'". Or "he/she gagged uncontrollably everytime someone said the word croissant." Or "he/she Thought walking on their hands was the best way to reduce their carbon footprint." Or "Called Farts "rippers" and loved to tell everyone that she just "ripped a ripper" everytime you were in public."

The list is endless.

After asking ourselves these questions, we should (as Americans) found out just a little bit more about ourselves.

If you have any scenarios that you would like the share with the blog I am all ears.
I have to go. My girlfriend just ripped a ripper.

Watch This Video

2008-10-13T16:43:00.001-07:00

A professor of mine showed me this video the other day. I really think all of you should sit down and take the time to watch it.

An Anthropological Introduction to YouTube.

Movie Reviews!

2008-10-03T23:41:00.000-07:00

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

Review: This movie should have been called Nick and whatever this movie seriously is terrible.

That's all for today folks!

There Goes My Hero

2008-09-27T23:40:00.000-07:00

Isn't she great? She's so funny. Ohh...Tina. Ron Bergundy?

The Debate is Tonight!

2008-09-26T11:59:00.000-07:00

This isn't meant to be funny, but since Bill O'Reilly is involved it may be impossible not to laugh.

Tonight, the debate appears to be on. That is exciting.
I urge all of you to watch it and know what the candidates are saying FROM THEIR OWN MOUTHS.

Don't watch Fox News, Don't watch CNN.

Listen to their words. Listen to their words.

This just came to me because I saw the Bill O'Reilly/Obama interview.
I am not an ardent Obama supporter but I would like to think I know a terrible interview when I see one.

It just makes me sad that millions of people not only suffer through, but enjoy hearing Mr. O'Reilly speak.

He never lets anyone talk and rationalizes it by saying that he is trying to "speed things along."

An interview is based on the simple question and answer format. Yet, it appears from videos like these that he asks the question and before 6 words leaving the interviewees mouth, he is attacked.

I don't know, maybe it is just me.

All I know is, watch the debate. Listen to these men's words. Make as sound a decision as your can.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XW7tkN-_GM

News

2008-09-24T17:05:00.000-07:00

I am on a recent mission to know exactly what is going on in the world. I know that is nearly impossible since I am reading mostly the San Fran Chronicle and that means I am learning only what they
(The Bad People) feel is important.

I am mostly greeted by headlines that say, "Obama is doing this bad." "Mccain is older than first pyramid." "Presidential Candidates cause quite a ruckus at hotel vending machine!"
You get the picture.

While I know this presidential race is very important, the constant flow of what the candidates are doing is not very exciting. In fact, it is only good for inducing comas.

Just when I thought I had given up on the news, I stumble upon the beauty that is MSNBC. I don't really know what MSNBC means but I think it must stand for: MEN whom Support NEWS BECAUSE it is just plain SILLY!

My reasoning for this is because of a simple headline that they had on their online newspaper. It reads, and I quote: "Man Goes to Court After Butt Stapled Shut."

I don't even have a joke that is good enough to follow that.

For those of you whom don't believe me, haters, I have provided the link:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26855727

Casa De Not Telling the Truth

2008-09-13T15:43:00.000-07:00

For those of you who are familiar with the Casa de Fruta establishment along state route 152, you know that they are a bunch of filthy liars.

If you are called Casa de Fruta (House of Fruit, Fruit House) then you better damn be a only a house with fruit in it. Yet, these Fruta people have the nerve to not only sell fruit, they also have an abundance of other attractions. Including a Chevron station, restaurant, train station, bird cages, pie house, and other stupid things. If they were honest and didn't want to be accused of false advertisement, which they should be, they would be called Casa de Fruta y casa de Chevron station y other establishments that are muy estupido.

Sorry, I know this doesn't seem like a big deal, but it is.

If Mcdonald's started to sell Persian rugs along side their burgers, their would be a mutiny on their hands and someone would pull an "Old Yeller" on Mr. Ronald McDonald. Unless of course they called it Mcdonald's burger place and Persian Rug Emporium.

I don't want much, just honesty in my fruit sales.

Funky Brewster

2008-09-12T19:17:00.001-07:00

A couple of weeks ago. My roommate and I were wizarding around town the other day, when we noticed a vacuum shop off in the distance. Before we go any further, if you happen to be unfamiliar with wizarding it is nothing more than roaming about town while wearing a cape and/or wizarding staff. Staff's vary in size and power ability but even the feeblest of staff's can catapult you into being considered "one who wizards about town", or even a "wizarder."
Anywho, as we were wizarding about town, we stumbled upon (due to our long cape) a small vacuum shop. This shop was not very easy on the eyes. In other words if it were a person, we would tell our friends that he/she was "nice" rather than "gorgeous." Upon entering we realized that once you made your way past the vacuums, you entered into a world of Beer. Beer making supplies covered the walls. Different types grains and hops and whatnot were within inches of our fingertips. So rather than backing out honorably, we marched out of the shop with 60 dollars worth of items that might go horribly wrong since they had now been put in the wrong hands.
Getting home, my roomate and I were dumbfounded at the process of making beer. It seemed to me that nothing good can come from liquid sitting in a bucket for two weeks. Yet, we proceeded to cook our ingredients believing in our hearts that we were doing good for our country. Once we poured our ingredients into the bucket, our house smelled as though 30 ailing cats somehow managed to find their way in our house and die. Some of these cats I presume must have also recently caught fire since there was no way to account of the smell of fur and charcoal.
After a taking a short breather and a chance to rationalize and cope with what we were doing, my roomate and I let the beer sit.
It is still sitting to this day. I have no idea how it is going to turn out. My other roomates wonder when these childish antics will cease, yet we haven't even tried our first batch and we have already commenced on our 2nd and 3rd batch.
If you would like pointers on the beer making process, ask a professional.
If you would like to be a guinea pig, call us.
If you would like no part of this asinine behavior, more power to you.

Our Rotten Elders

2008-09-08T17:58:00.000-07:00

In 1999, Tom Brokaw wrote and introduced the world to "The Greatest Generation." This book chronicled the lives of men and women from the United States of America. The great Americans dealt with the turmoil caused by the Second World War. These people witness things that following generations could not even fathom. Yet, while Mr. Brokaw could be right that they were at one time part of the greatest generation, many of them have no split off and formed one of the meanest mobs of angry old farts this world has ever seen.

While I am indebted to them for being able to do the things that I don't believe I could face, I don't deserve to be treated like a dirty plague carrying rat every time they feel I messed up on their coffee beverage. That's right, I am a barista. I am even somewhat egocentric. However, I just don't know why members of the greatest generation always generate most of my emotional stress at work.

Don't get me wrong, there are still some great older people out there. Some men like, let's say Bob, coming gallivanting through the door with the most contagious smile on their face. When they reach the counter, they clearly state their order and no matter how it turns out, this drink seems to be the most wonderful part of the day. They then breeze out of the cafe nearly crying because they feel so fortunate to have had another day in which they could sit, drink a coffee, and talk to their neighborhood friendly barista. These are good times.

Yet, there are others. The Others. Whom clearly have a vendetta against me as soon as they can force their way through the doors. Once in, they are ready to consume. Throwing human emotions aside, they mumble their order and expect me to know exactly what they want. When I attempt to clarify their order, they look at me as though I had just stepped on the head of their favorite dog, presumably named Lilly. Now that "Lilly" is dead, they hate me. No matter how marvelous this drink is, it takes like a tall glass of urine to them and they only thing that would satisfy them now is a quart of my blood. I am not saying old people are vampires, well maybe I am. Anyway, after this unsatisfying experience, they pull out a dollar from their pocket as if to give a tip, then quickly put it back in their pocket.

I cannot wait to be old

Labor Day

2008-08-31T11:33:00.000-07:00

One of the greatest things about our country is that anything you can think of has most likely happened. More specifically, anything that you can think of, no matter how awful it is, has probably been covered in a late night with Jerry Springer episode. Yet, I think I might have thought of something that hasn't been covered on late night TV.

Our world, is not very smart. While there are intelligent people on this earth, they are few and far between. Hence why most of the stuff people look at online are videos of people doing stupid things. Nobody searches youtube for, "Guy who does incredibly hard math equation really fast" or "Awesome Debate Team Footage." Those videos aren't popular. Instead people (you) search for things such as, "Dog bites mans crotch in slow motion" and "Fart Videos" and "Nasty Fart Videos." To make a long story short, many people on this world are not very smart and they are revered by the public.

However, I don't think anyone who is pregnant has ever induced labor a couple of days just so their baby could be born on labor day.

I know you are just thinking, "Wow Reid, This is just Brainless."

Well so is the public and if you were to ask them, "Why do we have labor day?"

They would respond by drooling. Cause all they can think about is the day off that they have from work.

Since nobody really knows, nor cares, about the origins of labor day, then I believe that someone could actually think, "That must be the day that people have babies."

So while I started off this blog thinking that surely nobody could be that stupid, I just convinced myself that it is possible. Sad Times.

Enjoy Your Labor Day!

Nothing Impressive

2008-08-25T18:14:00.000-07:00

I had the opportunity to dine with my parents the other evening and of course, I accepted. While this should have been a pleasant experience, it was not. The reason being that our "waiter" decided to receive our order without writing it down. Keep in mind, that there were six people whom were also ordering various appetizers along with their main entrees.
To me, this is not impressive. Not at all. I am having a really hard time trying to wrap my mind around why people would choose to do this.
Even if the server remembers everything, which I have yet to see, this "trick" of theirs would only make me think, "neat."
I think many people are in this boat because I don't think that anyone would actually stop a server to say, "My goodness son you have some serious talent. Develop that would you? Hone in on that gift because you are certainly blessed. If not for me, do it for the world. The betterment of mankind if you will. Cause if you won't. You will let us all down. You might even speed up global warming."

Let's face it. This is no reward for doing this. It doesn't make your establishment any more respectable. It just makes it more annoying when you have to switch plates with your neighbor since you server could not remember where anything was supposed to be.

It's silly. Just silly. Stop it silly servers. Stop it.

P.S - If I were to open up a restaurant, not only would my servers write EVERYTHING down, the establishment would be called, "Reid's house of wizardry, Espresso, and people who like to have a good time, fun time hang out zone!"

Sad News

2008-08-20T00:04:00.000-07:00

Sorry, I know this is not a happy post.

A band that has been a big part of my youth is the Dave Matthews Band. I have seen this band numerous times and every time it was an amazing and beautiful experience. I looked at the news tonight and it saddened me to learn that on of the founding members Leroi Moore died today at the age of 47.

There is really nothing to say. It is just a really hard thing to swallow.

So if you guys have a spare moment, listen to a Dave Matthews Band.

I wish I had something profound to say.

The Dentist Office

2008-08-08T20:57:00.000-07:00

I, Reid Volk, took a friendly stroll to my hometown dentist yesterday. While I know that almost everyone has had their share of horrific experiences inside this house of pain, I am going to divulge to you the mental notes that I took down today during my visit.

First off, I was made aware that the dentist wanted to see me when they called my mother and told her that I was, "...due for a visit." When I first heard this, I accepted. Why Not I said to myself. The dentist is just something that we do. We are due there twice a year.
Yet, it dawned on me while I was in the chair that I don't like that the dentist is the only place we are "due." It as if at some time long ago we belonged to the dentist, but out of the kindness of their heart they agreed to release us into the custody of our parents. Their only stipulation being that we are "due" to come "home" twice a year so they can prod inside of our mouths with powertools. It is as if we are nothing but library books. Library books that can never seen to please, no matter how much we brush or floss. It is just never good enough.

Secondly, The lead vest. When the dentist desires to obtain pictures of your mouth, he lets his little minions do all of the dirty work. Already, I have a hard time trusting this "Dentist", so as you can imagine I have little faith in his indentured servants. Ostensibly, the lead vest that is placed on your chest is there to protect you from harmful rays that are misfired from the camera. This gesture usually provides a small sense of security all the way up until the nurse points the camera (death ray) at your head! On top of this, the nurse has to leave the room before she takes the picture. I don't know much, but I know this much is true, if the nurse has to leave the room before she is willing to operate a machine and that machine is within inches of your brain, a lead vest isn't doing anything. The vest is just there to hold you down.

Thirdly, if you look around the room that you are imprisoned, you will see examples of "good" and "bad" sets of teeth. This just made me wonder, how does one approach someone to ask if they could take a picture of their "bad" teeth. Do they explain to the patient that this photo is going to be displayed in offices across the world to show teens the havoc that can be wrecked upon their teeth if they wish to "go down that path." I feel like that would be a pretty hurtful conversation. However, I feel that if your teeth were that bad, you would have to know things like that were coming. I mean, ignoring your teeth to the point of where they rot out of your jaw has to almost take as much determination as lets say...writing your dissertation. It entails long and arduous hours of throwing hundreds of years of medical knowledge out the window and telling yourself that hygiene is for fools. Also, Whenever people gasp in horror the moment you open your lips, you have to lie to yourself and think "they were probably looking at something behind me, surely not my mouth. It is fine. It hurts, but it is fine. It bleeds constantly. But I am doing the right thing. I always cry when I try to eat, but I am totally being smart about this."
Also, Who are these people who have the perfectly beautiful and most photogenic teeth. I believe them to be dentures because as I stated before, you can never please the dentist. If the dentist ever said, "Wow, I really don't have to do anything, looks like you've really been letting your gums have it! They look fantastic! And your teeth...Sweet Mary...Somebody get a camera...heaven resides in this young man's mouth", I would think I was on punk'd and when Ashton came out...I would eat his face.

Lastly (is that a word?),
In the waiting room I was asked to fill out a form so that way the dentist would have updated information regarding my health. As I scanned through this litany of seemingly superfluous questions, there was one that caught my eye. On this delicate piece of yellow paper read the question, and I repeat: "Have you ever been diagnosed with TRENCH MOUTH?"
Even writing this now I am aghast at this question.

I have never even heard of Trench Mouth. The closest connection in my mind I could make to this was Trench Foot, Which is where you feet can itch and swell due to prolonged exposure to damp unsanitary conditions. Yet, I don't think there has been a case reported of this sense World War 1, when people were actually in trenches. Thank goodness I have never been in a trench, but I highly doubt that the inside of my mouth is akin to one. Maybe it is, I mean it is damp all the time. Unsanitary...maybe...I would like to say no, but frequent late night stampedes to my friend Mcdonald's house has me thinking otherwise. Maybe my mouth is a trench. I don't know how I feel about that. I just don't want to see myself in the future saying things like, "Man that burger looks soooo good. I can wait to put that in my trench."

Anyway, I will stop ranting about this place. I am sure it does a lot of good when people willfully desire to be there. Yet, I will never know what that is like. For even though I may despise the place, I will always dutifully comply when they tell me I am "due."

My Interview With Santa, Part 1

2008-07-30T11:52:00.000-07:00

This is part 1 of my interview with Santa. If there were a Santa and I was lucky enough to secure some of his time.

Caution: This interview is riddled with notes about my own personal experience so just know that there is a major bias.

Transcript as follows:

(Santa sits in a bright blue comfortable chair that I picked out from Ikea just for this occasion. It takes a while for him to get comfortable and throughout the interview he never seems to be able to sit still. He looks a bit disheveled, as though he just woke up from a 14 hour nap(coma). However, his magical glow still seems to be intact and he is by no means drab.)

Reid: Good Evening Mr. Santa
(Sidenote: Santa only agrees to conduct this interview in the late night hours. When I inquire further as to why this is, he erupts with nervous laughter and tip toes around the question. All I can get out of him is that he feels that the sunlight, "Burns." Upon hearing this, I attempt to lighten the mood with the comment that he must be a vampire since the sunlight "burns" him. Santa's laughter halts as soon as the vampire comment leaves my mouth. There is a about thirty seconds of silence before Santa states, "I don't believe in vampires." After pondering the irony in that statement for about a minute, I figure we have gotten off track enough and decide to truly begin the interview.)

Santa: Good Evening to you to Reid. (Santa's very cordial)

Reid: It's a pleasure to finally meet your acquaintance, you being very famous and all.

Santa: I understand. (Again, very cordial)

Reid: First off, Are you riding the Obama Train or are you a Mccain kind of man?

Santa: Who?

Reid: Sorry, nevermind

(This political question disaster didn't help Santa's incessant fidgeting. I am starting to think his diet consists mainly of Espresso Beans.)

Reid: Alright, in hopes to dispel internet rumors that are running rampant in the "Blogosphere" (A bit of laughter ensues), Is it true, Mr. Santa, that you were in the First World War?

Santa: Well, this certainly dates me, and I haven't dated in years!
(I am not sure what Santa was trying to get at, but this attempt at a humorous play on words didn't impress me one bit and I did not indulge him with laughter)

Santa: (Continuing) Anyway, as I was saying this dates me and shows that I am very old, but indeed I was a chef in the "Great War." I was part of Baker Company. I used to joke with my friends that I was the "Baker of Baker Company." This didn't seem to amuse anyone but me though and with all the rationing that was happening with grains during this time, it was nearly impossible to bake anything. I was just forced to make chow, which consisted of fried fatback mixed in with lake water. On top of that, I was transfered to another company later on that year so that joke died....as did a lot of my friends.

(That last comment was a hard fastball that I didn't see coming. Who would have known Santa had lots of hidden pain. From then on there was a somber elephant that seemed to be in the room with us the rest of the time, and I didn't like it one bit. I knew I had to change the subject...fast)

Reid: How are things going around the Pole? (Of course I was referring to the North Pole, I found that slang is conducive to keeping the atmosphere fun and casual.)

Santa: Things...Things are good. (Coughing,wet hacking coughs) Well, the North Pole is still a beautiful place to live. Quiet, cold, good place for a family, my wife and I love it dearly. However, I don't know what is to become of it with this scare of Global Warming. My wife and I recently saw "An Inconvenient Truth," which was a feat because most Dvd players don't work in the temperatures we live in, however the film certainly did strike a cord with us. What will become of our rivers of ice? Our...

(Santa ranted on for some time about the destruction of his home. Although I wanted to provide him solace, I kept thinking how hard it would be on him if he had to move to to the United States. He would most likely hate it here and I don't feel as though the citizens would be too welcoming of him. His decision to wear red all day with big black boots would surely be mocked by the American citizens who adhere to all of the incoming and out coming trends. Santa would never give up his black boots for Ugz. Poor guy. Not to mention his weight problem, I bet all of his friends sardonic commentary on his fatty appearance would surely get to him. Soon the public would see him at Weight Watchers meetings every weekend. I am sure he would end up losing all that "unsightly" weight in a year. Then instead of kids happily staying up late to see a Jolly old fat man coming down their chimney, kids would stay in bed just so they won't have to witness the emaciated man in a red suit that is way to big for him struggle to carry the giant bag of toys down the chimney and eventually pass on the milk and cookies left out for him because he had already used up all of his "food points" for the day.
And the paparazzi, they would have a field day. He would slowly be driven to insanity and be seen hanging out with Lindsay Lohan or adopting children from third world countries. I don't know everything, but I do know that life would be hard for Santa in America)

PART TWO OF MY INTERVIEW WITH SANTA WILL COME SOON!

My Love to Admire

2008-07-27T22:42:00.000-07:00

I know this is late. But Amazon Mp3 once and a while has great deals. Tonight, they posted Interpol's "Our Love to Admire" is up for 2.99. Maybe you don't know Interpol, or what you have heard hasn't been very swell.

However, this is an amazing album and its only three bucks. Give it a chance. Seriously.

This is a silly post, but seriously Interpol,amazing band,Our Love to Admire, amazing album, Reid, amazing blogger.

You cannot go wrong. Check it out

Don't Touch

2008-07-13T10:57:00.001-07:00

I just have to say something. My sister in law is pregnant. I mean really pregnant. While that is life changing and all that jazz, It got me thinking about how pregnancy is not only a violation of your body from your inside, but more importantly the outside too.

I get it, the baby is your baby. So your not going to care that is taking up all the room that your vital organs use to have. That is not the problem.

Most people see a pregnant belly as an open invitation for petting. I am not saying that I have ever been pregnant or that I know what it is like, but I have been around enough pregnant people to know that a lot of people feel like it is ok just to come up and rub their hands all over the swollen stomach. Again, I have never been pregnant, but I am sure that out of all times in my life, that is not the time I really want a lot of people touching me.

Other than that, I've got nothing else.

Go see the Dark Knight

My Osment Moment

2008-07-11T11:08:00.000-07:00

Something horrible happened yesterday

I was in my Intro to Lit class when I realized that I misplaced my writing utensil. This didn't phase me until the teacher asked the class to complete a writing assignment. After a brief panic attack, I asked the girl in front of me if I could use a pen. There was a verbal response, I think, and shortly after she handed me the pen. I was so happy. That moment restored my faith in humanity. War, Genocide, Hunger...these were all thrown to the curb because this little act of kindness made me forget about the bad things in the world. In return, I wanted to do something nice for someone else. I desired to "pay it forward" if you will. I wanted to be like Haley Joel Osment without the DUI and marijuana possession charges.

However, as soon as my little "Osment" moment came, it went.

The girl that lent me the pen uttered two words that changed my life.

As soon as she handed me the pen she said, "Keep It"

At first, I thought to myself, "What a sweetheart! Me? Keep It? Oh, I don't think I could do something like...Thank You"

Yet, after thinking about it I realized that she didn't want it back because she probably thinks that I am a filthy human being. After my vile hands touched her precious Bic Pen, how could she ever take it back?

What did I do? It really cut me to the core. I felt helpless. Like Haley Joel Osment must feel like right when he thinks about his career.

You know, I enjoyed the Sixth Sense, but never when I first saw it did I think him and I would have so much in common.

Perplexed by Chinese Food

2008-07-07T18:27:00.000-07:00

Those who read my blog know that although I believe there are important issues that need to be discussed, I seem to always seem to write about the little things that irk me in life. For some reason, as I was about to go for a run today my mind somehow stumbled upon Chinese food. At first I thought to myself, "Chinese food, Why would I think of that? How silly of me!" However, that thought quickly changed to, "Chinese food...What is Chinese food? Why is Chinese food?

I really don't know. Nor do I have the time to research all of the possible things that haunt the kitchens of your local Panda Express, I do know that places such as Panda Express explicitly boast about the fact that their food does not contain MSG (Monosodium glutamate). This scares me a bit. This means that MSG, which has a well known reputation for wrecking havoc on the human body, is a mainstay in the Chinese food community. Since it is such a prominent ingredient in Chinese food, places such as Panda Express have to boast that this chemical doesn't reside in their customer's sweet and sour pork. Maybe this doesn't freak anyone else out. I just don't like that a particular type of food restaurant has to constantly promote that their food won't cause people to have an early death. I mean come on, that should just be a give. Food sustains life and restaurants shouldn't have to constantly have to earn the trust of their customers. Yet, most people do not heed these warnings and they indulge their hunger for Kung Pao chicken. These are most likely the very same people who still think Phen Phen was a fantastic achievement in medicine.

Speaking of Pills, I think a bottle of pills is just about as filling as a couple of containers of Chow Mein. On top of that, they are probably equally as lethal.

I know there are some communists out there who will probably be appalled at my condemnation of Chinese food. However, I am not saying that it is the worst thing out there. I am very aware that places like Mcdonalds and Taco Bell are destroying people's chances at a healthy life. I just chose Panda Express because I have never seen a banner out in front of Taco Bell that read, "Come In! Tacos for under a Dollar! We promise you won't die!"

Tegan and Sara

2008-07-04T11:00:00.000-07:00

I just found this band last night. I am like a giddy schoolgirl. I am going to a record store to buy their albums right now. I know this is crazy, but so far what I have heard is pretty darn amazing. I think my readers should know this too.

Tegan and Sara

Do yourself a favor

An Enigma

2008-06-30T16:58:00.000-07:00

As my girlfriend was flipping through the channels today my eyes fell upon a familiar face. Someone who has been in my life from as early as I can remember. Someone whom has been there for me through thick and thin....short and tall. However, as I sat and thought of all her the person's lovely qualities, I realized I know nothing about her. To think of her is merely second nature, but what to think of her I fear I don't know. This enigmatic figure that I am referring to is yep you guessed it: Kimmy Gibbler.

Kimmy Gibbler never went by Kim, or just Kimmy. It was always Kimmy Gibbler. While this seems like a minor detail, she wouldn't be the same if you were to only acknowledge her using her first name. Her last name personified who she was: A Gibbler.

Kimmy Gibbler was always welcome into the Tanner Residence. While she may have been annoying, she was cordial. While she may have caused her fair share of mishaps, she was always there to offer kind words to her best friend D.J. She wasn't just the next door neighbor from Full House, She was America's next door neighbor.

But...I have come to a sad conclusion. After watching a few episodes I have realized that American never got to see Kimmy's parents. Kimmy rarely ever mentioned them. When someone brings them up on the show, Kimmy always finds a way to make a joke out of it.

This is no joke. If my daughter was spending at least 3/4 of the day over at her friend's house, I would want to know what was going on. Especially if there were 3 dads living in that house and there was a camera crew filming their every move. Maybe I am just old fashioned but I would be a bit skeptical.

I know you guys are thinking, "Why blog about this Reid?"

Why Not? I mean Why Not?

Where is this poor girl's family. I think if we could meet her parents we would understand their daughter a lot better.

If anyone has any information let me know. I am worried sick about her.

On Being Paranoid

2008-06-18T12:39:00.000-07:00

I don't really know where I got it from, but I suffer from bouts of anxiety. One day, I will be doing just fine...yet if a monkey wrench gets thrown into my usual plans...all goes to hell.

As posted before, I think shows like Oprah have made our world constantly paranoid. Everything will eventually kill us. Put an extra packet of sugar in your coffee as opposed to your usual one, and you might as well start researching coffins on Costco.com.(Seriously they sell coffins there)

Although I poke fun at these shows and how they affect our society, I cannot say that they have no had an impact on my life.

The past few nights I have been having what can be described as "heart fluttering."
After trying to pass if off as a muscle spasm, my brain started to think. Whether it was due to my actual nerves or the fact that I had been watching X-Files at the time, I started to become paranoid. What was inside of my body that was making my heart do this? Was this irregularity in my heartbeats due to caffeine, exercise, or Aliens. After I discounted the last one, I started to look on the always inviting google.

It seems that google is now synonymous with "answer" lately. At least for me, whenever there is a question that is troubling me, I look to my friend google because there is surely no other credible source.

I am getting off track. After searching google for a little while I came upon forum after forum of people who were posting their experiences with "heart fluttering." Now keep in mind that nothing that I looked at were websites of legitimate doctors. To me this makes sense because if doctors can make a thousand dollars just for making you take your pants off in a small white room, why would they give away free advice on the internet?

Yet, the absence of doctors didn't trouble me. It also didn't trouble me that rather than looking at websites such as "Health Talk" or "Virtual Doctor", I stumbled upon sites such as "Bob's Health Talk" and "BringPartyofFivebackontheair.com"

I was just amused that there were people who were experiencing what I was: seemingly imminent death. Not only did they write about their own personal terrors, they used the same exclamation points that I would have used had I posted. I AM DYING!!!!
My World is Ending? Jason Priestly is a God?!

Anyway, just by knowing that there are other people out there who experience what I am, I feel better. I don't really know where this post is going but I guess if millions of people are going to freak out about their health, at least they are in the crowd and aren't going through it alone.

I will probably die in my sleep

Me

2008-06-16T21:31:00.001-07:00

I Got Nothing!

Dreamy Discussion

2008-06-08T12:31:00.000-07:00

I have done it. I have come across a picture that has truly baffled me.

Witness this:

What are these men talking about? Also, why is it so important that men have set up lawn chairs to witness this historic event? Also, is that a referee against that back wall? Is this a show down? Maybe they are discussing the up and coming election. Maybe they are being passive aggressive while they discuss their favorite episode of Felicity. I don't know. I don't know if I should know. This may be too much for the world to handle.

What do you guys think?

Citizen Soldier

2008-06-04T08:27:00.001-07:00

Has anyone been to a movie theater in the past year? If so, there is a good chance that you have seen this stellar monument of AMERICAN Music!

Three Doors Down - Citizen Soldier

Three Doors Down's genius is threefold.

1) They wrote a catchy song. The chorus is so rudimentary and predictable that even a Zombie could pick up the tune after one listen. Trust me, that is something special. Decaying vocal chords make it really hard to even hum, but Three Doors certainly circumvented that challenge and picked up a new demographic!

2) Most teenage men can relate to the lyrics. Certainly anyone who is listening to Three Doors Down isn't looking to pick up hidden meanings in the songs, metaphors, intellectual musings, or really anything for that matter. As shown in example one, a listener doesn't need a brain to enjoy this. HOWEVER!, those with brains hear the words "Citizen, Soldier" and their ears perk. They think to themselves, "I am a Citizen! I Desire to Be A Soldier! I can relate to this, I'm not alone after all." Yet, they are alone. Always

3) Gross Military Funding! Their video shows young "Citizen Soldiers" AKA "White Nameless Americans" running through generations of America's crusades for freedom,justice, and the right to own a 64 inch plasma TV while millions starve to death each day. These soldiers run amid hails of gunfire and while their enemies parish, they remain unscathed.

I just think it is all genius. I mean, how else are you going to try to subversively recruit people by showing them severely distorted images of war? Answer: A Catchy Rock Anthem!

Three Doors Down, I salute you.

Oregon

2008-05-31T23:30:00.000-07:00

I am in Oregon right now. It is really beautiful. It's very sunny during the day and the nights have a slight breeze that make you feel like your wrapped in a blanket of air...and lust.

Anyway, I was thinking to myself, "Oregon is so beautiful, why don't more people talk about this place as being one of the greatest places to live?"

I really had to think about it. Yet, I figured it out.

It is because people that live here are known as Oregonians. I don't think anyone has ever referred to themselves as an Oregonian and felt respected. They know that they are being scoffed at. Even inside their very own heart, they know the words, "I am an Oregonian" sound just plain stupid.

Then it occurred to me, I don't know if I could live here. Can you imagine the situations you would get in?

"Hey"
"Hey, I'm Reid How are you?"
"Good, My throats a little dry, but overall good. You?"
"Not bad, thanks for asking. Are you from around here?"
"No, I'm from Michigan. We got lakes, we like it that way, Where are you from?
"Oregon"
"haha. Really? Would you consider yourself an Oregonian?"
"(Silence)"
(Fatality)

Although I love it here, that situation may be a little too emotionally traumatic to deal with.

Interstellar Speech

2008-05-28T22:01:00.000-07:00

I just thought that everyone should know a comforting fact. That the first speech ever to leave Earth and be broadcast into space was Hitler's Speech at Nuremberg. So if there is alien life, the first thing they hear from Earth is the sweet sounds of Adolf Hitler. The most loving, tolerant man on the face of the planet.

Doesn't that just warm your heart?

Announcement

2008-05-26T17:15:00.000-07:00

A exciting blog will be posted soon on this page. It will be jointly authored by Friendly Banter and Mr. Johnny (Hot House Tomatoes) Hutchings. It will tackle a huge issue troubling the American public today. So stay tuned and don't comment unless you have something fruitful to say.

- Gordon Lipshits

An Open Letter to Lauren Hill

2008-05-22T15:43:00.000-07:00

Dear Miss Hill,
I know that you don't know me at all, but there is something I need to say to you.I am a 22 year old white male that grew up in a small town. I have grown up in a very exciting time for music. While the record industry is diminishing, the music industry is flourishing. Artists who desire to have a career with music no longer have to be one of the very few "lucky" artists picked by the label big wigs. Artists can work hard and find their way to the mainstream via the internet. While there is something majestic about "good old days" of music, the public is now able to experience a wide variety of sounds would otherwise have gone unheard. Artists are really able to use the breadth and width of their creative minds and have it heard by people on most continents. It is a very exciting time. Although I am really sad to see the decline of the cd, I think music is thriving more than ever.

However Miss Hill, there are some people out there would don't want to make creative music. Especially in the realm of Rap and Hip-Hop. I have been a fan of Rap and Hip-Hop for a while. My first taste of the genre came with Young Mc's album "Stone Cold Rhymin." As I continued to grow I learned to love the emotion and versatility of artists such as Tupac, Bone Thugs in Harmony, Outkast (Early Stuff),Wu-Tang Clan, and other artists of that nature. While Rap has always been victimized as "rotten music" and "bad for the kids", these early artists showed me how much this music has to offer. Yet, it wasn't until the past five years that I realized just how touching Hip-Hop can be. Albums such as Mos-Def's "Black on Both Sides", Talib Kweli's "The Beautiful Struggle", The Roots "Phrenology", and most importantly Lauren Hill's "The Miseducation of Lauren Hill." These are the albums I turn to when anyone tries to say rap/Hip-Hop isn't music. Your album set a bar in music all across the board that is nearly impossible to beat and have only heard a handful of artists that can tap into what you did on that album. Yet, I am not only hear to praise you, I am here to ask you something.

Once you left music you left a big hole in the hip hop community. While other powerful female artists such as Erykah Badu are certainly amazing, they cannot fill your shoes. This is really depressing because good artists are few and far between. Most rap/hip hop that is heard by kids today are from artists that are still on a mission to soley make money. Artists such as Flo-Rida and Souja-Boy create music that is more or less worthless. Sure some people just like a good beat, but aside from that this music has little reason to exist.

While your Unplugged album is another masterpiece, you haven't done anything since and I am asking you to come back. Come back and bring good hip hop back to kids ears. By the time I have kids I don't want the hip hop industry flooded by Flo-Ridas.
We need heart, we need soul, we need you.

No matter what you choose I will support you. I just wanted to let you know how much your music means to a 22 year old white kid. Thank you

Reid Volk

Myspace: Good or Bad?

2008-05-20T14:08:00.000-07:00

I am having trouble finding a reason why I have one. To put cool videos or pictures on? I don't know

I don't think their is a reason.

I'm sure sexual predators love this site, so I don't want to ruin all the fun for them, but I don't really myspace has positively contributed to our society.

It has just give more people a sense that they are unique. By putting cool pictures and music, people seem unique. Yet, the truth of the matter is that most people don't like who they are. So they project an image online that is not themselves. So while they may seem unique on their page, their not. Their just another person looking for love and friends. Yet, while myspace calls themselves a place for friends, your not meeting actual people. You are coming into contact with what that person wants to be.

All I am saying is that it is not helping our society.

Why I Love Australian Women

2008-05-13T15:04:00.000-07:00

I read something fantastic today. According to ABC News: A study has found one third of Australian women have admitted to drinking alcohol when pregnant - and most would do it again.

Australia women are now some of my favorite people in the world.

Why you ask? Because they don't give a darn about what they eat and drink when they are pregnant.

This is all part of a long line of thinking so don't be mad if your lost, let me explain.

First off, don't get me wrong. I think modern medicine is pretty fantastic. People are living longer and people are overcoming diseases that they couldn't before. Polio - Cured, Small Pox - Cured, Bubonic Plague - Contained? Doesn't matter. Western Medicine has come a long way. However, while we have rid the world of some horrible diseases, there has been an extreme rise in Hypochondriasis.

For those of you who don't know what that is, A Hypochondriac is someone who interprets normal body sensations as a major medical problem. Example: If one day you have an itch on your nose and it causes you to think that you have Bird Flu, then your a Hypochondriac.

The reason for the rise in Hypochondriasis is two-fold:
1) Doctors
2) Oprah

Number # 1:Doctors
Thats right. These doctors that are curing diseases are now making people afraid of everything. They know we will listen. They know we will do anything they say. They know if we come in with a cough and they tell us to snort tuna through a crazy straw two times each night,we will do it. No matter how absurd we think it is, we will do it. Don't say you won't. You will, deal with it.
Since they know we will do everything they say, they screw with us. They tell us not to eat this, don't eat that, that will kill you, this vegetable will ruin your marriage, ETC... That's the bottom line, they know we will hang on every word they say, so they talk alot. Since they constantly come out with things for us to be afraid of, we cannot eat anything without thinking of something a "doctor" said. Therefore we live in fear and seemingly normal foods make us feel like we are going to die right after we eat them. Doctor's have made us hypochondriacs. Doctor's are evil.

Number # 2: Oprah
I have defended this lady in the past, but not now...not ever again. Oprah brings these so called "doctors" on each day and these "doctors" are allowed to deliver their words of fear on national television EVERY DAY! On top of that, I have seen many times Oprah telling the American public not to eat this, or not do this because she heard from a doctor that it is bad for you. While this type of stuff is all over television,Millions and millions of people watch Oprah each day. This lady controls the hearts and minds of all women over 30 living in America. Since these women are primarily the ones shopping and serving the food in the household, everyone in the family suffers.

(Don't get mad because I said women are the ones serving the food, Yes I know women are equal to men and it isn't fair that women get stuck with stereotypes that they belong in the kitchen. But, it doesn't mean we cannot be honest and say that women primarily handle the food. If you disagree, get a blog. Chances are you already have one)

With the doctor's creating the fear and Oprah's television program spreading the fear to nearly every household in America, there has been a steady rise in Hypochondriasis.

Now that we have that established, it allows me to bring it back to my original point: Pregnant women from Australia are my new favorite kinds of people because they drink beer when they are pregnant and don't feel ashamed. They chose to ignore one of the thirteen million books written about the "right way" to handle your pregnancy. They don't let some doctor infect them with fear about what they can or cannot eat and they certainly don't give a damn about Oprah.

They do what they feel is right because that is how humanity has always gotten along. The cavemen did it and everybody who came after did it and they did it without doctors or Oprah.

Now I know a lot of you are saying, "Reid, that is horrible that they drink beer when they are pregnant! They are silly people and their children are probably going to turn out crazy."

Maybe so.... but compare Australia's crime rate and educational scores with the United States and then tell me how silly they are.

Our country may be a superpower, but were superstupid.

Don't let doctors tell you what to fear. Just eat, drink, and be merry because this life is but a vapor.

Post Script: I don't mean be a drunk or eat until your a beast. I just meant to enjoy yourself in moderation and don't let people dictate how you live your live.

The Miracle of Fast Food

2008-05-08T15:40:00.000-07:00

This isn't going to be one of those blogs that recant how bad fast food is for you. Throw facts at you like, "Did you know that 48 Milk Cartons contain the same amount of calories that are in One large fry?"

No Thank You

The reason I am not doing that is because everybody knows how bad fast food is for you. It just is. It just is. It's like cigarettes, warning labels that have skull and crossbones on them are everywhere, yet it doesn't hinder people from indulging. It feels good, fast food feels good. How rewarding is it that you can come home from a day of work and walk into a restaurant, wait about 1 1/2 minutes, each one of the best meals of your life, pay less than 5 dollars, and fall asleep instantly at home or in the car on the way home. Or you slip into a coma at Mcdonald's.Cause let's face it, barely anybody can stay awake after you each a lot of this stuff. It's like Nyquil. Yet, instead of being in a baby cup its in the form of a delicious cheeseburger. Also, instead of waking up in the morning all groggy, you feel pretty average. You may have painful bowel movements, or a bad cough, and overtime most likely will develop heart disease, but hey....don't the pro's outweigh the con's? That's debatable.

I know there are some of you who have your mind set that a Mcdonald's Big Mac is a harbinger of Satan, but for the rest of us....Why do we love it so much? Fast Food such a widespread epidemic?

Hiccups: Minor Inconvenience or Death Sentence?

2008-05-07T15:18:00.000-07:00

I know that is a pretty intense title, but this is a very important post. I am bogged down with homework right now so I don't have time to write a long-winded story that will warm your heart. But, I was visiting BBC news online and I found an article about a man who was getting an operation to cure his hiccups.

At first I was like, really? Really?

I get hiccups maybe four times a year and even then I have never considered surgery during the seven minute bouts in which they occur. I immediately though this man was dramatic like a lady that wears Uggs. I know I made a hasty generalization, but come on, Uggs? Why were they made? To show you who to stay away from. Don't get mad, deal with it, I already have.

Back to the story. It appears this man gets the hiccups every two to three seconds. That is why this story really got me. Hiccups aren't really painful, just really annoying. It would be like watching all the seasons of Laguna Beach. You can do it, but why the hell would you want to?

Anyway, read this article and let me know. Could you live with the hiccups? Why or why not?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/lincolnshire/7387224.stm

Bill and Hillary

2008-05-03T15:43:00.000-07:00

Well....Today I was bored and I decided to surf internet videos. I happened to stumble upon a new interview with Bill O'Reilly and Hillary Clinton.

Now, I am one of those Americans whom believes that Hillary Clinton is.......not quite human. She is just kind of creepy. However, that is only because of what I see on TV. Yet, she kind of suprised me when she was on Bill O'Reilly's TV show.

First of all, I have to give her some respect to even go on O'Reilly's show. Bill O'Reilly is a shock Jock plain and simple. He is loud, makes bad points, and threatens people of not being American when things don't go his way. In my mind, he is akin to Howard Stern. They just say outrageous things to get people to listen. Hence why Howard Stern has millions of listeners and why Bill O'Reilly has millions of listeners. People may say, but Reid! O'Reilly does talk about sex, he talks about politics. Just because he talks about politics doesn't mean what he says isn't ridiculous.

Now I kind of understand why Hillary Clinton doesn't show a lot of emotion. Can you imagine going on a show and berated by stupid questions? She has to be tough and she has to be strong. In the video that I found and post below, I believe Hillary stood her ground.

Bill just threw loaded questions at her and when he didn't like the answer he accused her plan of being Socialist. Accusations like that are really fantastic and not to mention smart. When you hear the term "Red Scare" doesn't it just make you think of Puppies and Lilacs? No, you think of people like Bill O'Reilly. Scared whiners whom when things don't go their way, make outlandish accusations just for attention.

I'm sorry, I know this is a random post. I don't really claim to know politics that well. I don't really know what Hillary or Obama stand for in and out, but I do know what a bad interviewer looks like and I am really happy that Hillary didn't put up with his crap.

What do you guys think about the interview?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQnQjV4sovE&feature=related

It's a Shame

2008-05-02T13:45:00.000-07:00

There are reasons for everything. Reasons why the sun sets when it does. Reasons why certain dogs bark and while others remain docile and congenial. Reasons why some people, mostly children without their consent, chose to watch the film "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium." There are reasons for everything and we will never understand all of them.

It's the way God works. It's the circle of Life. It's the way the cookie crumbles. It is....what it is.

If You Will...

I know it is a odd way to start out a blog. Yet, I am trying to find reason. Reason as to why Saturday Night Live cast members have a hard time transitioning into normal entertainment life.

While I cannot and will not take the time to go into all former SNL cast members. I am will use some examples to show that Saturday Night Life cast members have a hard time functioning outside of their Saturday Night Lives.

Before we start, I just have to say that I love SNL even though it seems to have taken a turn for the worse after Will Ferrell left to make a carrer out of rehashing annoying characters in movie after movie after movie. (Again, I tread lightly because I love Will Ferrell on Snl and Anchorman but come on....Talladega Nights? Blades of Glory? Semi-Pro?)

I'm getting off track. I love Saturday Night Live, but these hilarious people who make this show what it is cannot get their crap together when it comes to the real world.

First Example:

Eddie Murphy - While he was on top of the world in the 80's as an SNL cast member. The 90's and so on have proved that he is a complete and utter disaster. While his early films such as Beverly Hills Cop 1 though 3 put money in his bank account, it didn't do much for his credibility as an actor. However, I have to admit I like this movies and won't bash on them. Let's not get ahead of ourselves though, because the latter half of the 90's gave us a slew of films that showed us what Eddie was truly made of: A burnout. Holy Man. Bowfinger. Nutty Professor. I-Spy. Daddy Day Care. and let's not forget his crowning achievement, Norbit. In which he not only starred in, he also produced, wrote it, and pretty much did anything he could for a bigger paycheck. Even when he did have a somewhat interesting role in Dream Girls, he stormed out of the Academy Awards when he didn't win best actor. Which is really sad because that was and most likely will be the only time he comes close to winning an award. Yet, as always, he is a failure.

Next Example:

Dana Carvey- First and foremost I think this man is hilarious. His stand up is outstanding and he is just a hoot for me. However, my personal love for him couldn't stop him from making "The Master of Diguise." However, he learned his lesson and pretty decided not to make a film after that so I have to say we all make mistakes, but he still made "The Master of Disguise."

Next Example:

Jim Breuer - hahahahaha

Next Example:

Dan Ackroyd - While we may all love Dan. He has had one of the worst transitions of all. He didn't even start off promising. While he did Blues Brothers in 1980 which is a cult classic, he has also done "Pearl Harbor" (I know...horrible...right), "Earth Vs. Spider", Brittany Spear's "Crossroads", "Christmas with the Kranks", and last and certainly least "I know pronounce you Chuck and Larry." I cannot even go on, this is too depressing.

Next Example:

Molly Shannon - She was in "Superstar" right? I don't know. Did you see it? I didn't! I bet you did. Well....If not you then who? I guess nobody? She's gross.

Next Example:

Chris Kattan - Undercover Brother, Santa's Slay, Corky Romano, Monkey Bone. This man may have it the worst.

While I don't want to go on because I am sure you guys stopped reading long ago. There is one exception to the mix.

Steve Martin - While he has had his moments of stupidity, Cheaper by the Dozen 1 & 2. He did make the Jerk and Planes Trains and Automobiles. Also, he picked up a writing career that has saved him from a lot of things. Overall, he is ok in my book.

This blog is wayyyy to long. I have made my point

Jimmy Fallon

2008-04-25T23:42:00.000-07:00

This post was inspired by Jonny Hutchinson giving me the following information:

"Jimmy Fallon is NBC's first choice to succeed Conan O'Brien as "Late Night" Host"

Really NBC? Jimmy Fallon? You really had nobody else?

This is a really hard post because to know some people enjoy the childish and depressing antics of Jimmy Fallon, but I need to get this out anyway.

Jimmy Falon is ridiculous and terrible. I have no idea why he is popular at all. He is terrible...terrible..terrible.......................................................terrible

Some people have explained to me that they like him because he laughs during sketches.
I'm sorry but that isn't funny, that is an inability to act. Sure he has been in funny situations and he has been a witness to comedy, but he has never been the source.

You know how when you are laughing and you see other people laughing and it keeps you laughing for a lot longer than you should? Jimmy Fallon is just that guy who is always laughing. He makes you laugh because you see someone else laughing, you don't really know what else to do so you just sit and laugh with him. That is why he is popular, cause he keeps us laughing without knowing why. He himself is a joke and a sad one.

Here comes the ultimate test whether Jimmy Fallon is funny or not. Jimmy Fallon is really funny in _________.

We have already established that he isn't funny on Saturday Night Live and he just laughs, we cannot use SNL as an example. So Jimmy Fallon is funny in? Taxi? Fever Pitch?

Let's face it, he is a sad human being. Yet, maybe he will succeed as a late night host. Maybe he will just laugh the whole time and after a half and hour everyone will just start laughing and you'll pass out while watching it. When you wake up, you'll wonder if that is all he does and you'll keep watching the show. Thus the vicious cycle continues.

Its hopeless. Jimmy Fallon is not funny.

Disclaimer: This is a Rant and Shouldn't be taken to Seriously

2008-04-24T08:55:00.000-07:00

This isn't a normal post, I just had a moment of inspiration.

Weezer

We have all heard the name. In one way or another we have all been touched by one of their songs. Whether it is lovingly touched by their early ballad, "Say it Ain't So" or whether you have been touched inappropriately by their song, "Beverly Hills" we have all been touched. I say inappropriately touched because if that song really touched your heart then your a better man than I am, cause I just don't get it. BUT I AM GETTING SIDETRACKED!

There are have been thousands and thousands of bands polluting our airwaves ever since the first radio broadcast in 1906. Bands such Daughtry and Ashlee Simpson have given people the false idea that they know what good music is. In the old days, there wasn't the internet and small labels producing any band that had a catchy hook. It was a longer process and that is why bands like the Beatles and Led Zepplin succeeded and continues to succeed 50 years later. They were a conscious choice from the record industry that this was a solid band and their record deserved to be put out.

Now a days, that Daughtry fella yelled "ITS NOT OVER!" in a catchy fashion and 300 record labels started yelling, "Let's release it, someone will buy it."

I get it, I am highly romanticizing the record industry and the stupidity of the American people. I know it is not that clean cut, I am just trying to make a point. Good bands in this current generation are few and far between.

That is why we have so many flavors of the week. Also, now that Itunes allows consumers to buy a single track from an artist, people are encouraged to be one hit wonders. Isn't that horrible? A record is supposed to be a cohesive element that needs to be heard from start to finish. Now that bands are ditching this idea and focus on being the number one song on Itunes, the music industry is in slow decline. It's not the consumers fault, its the big wigs, they screwed us all when they made this behavior ok.

However, when I put in a Weezer record, I still get hope for the future.

Think what you want about them, All their albums, even their duds, are superior to what most bands are putting out now a days. They make albums! The only exception to this is Beverly Hills, which I have nothing to say to that.

The Blue Album starts off with "My Name is Jonas" and ends with "Only In Dreams" These are probably the strongest tracks they have ever written and are bookmarks to overall one of the best albums ever made.

Then came Pinkerton. Originally meant to be a Space Rock Opera, this album critically and financially bombed when it first came out. There was a huge backlash because it was seriously kind of a creepy record. River's lyrics are about his fascination with young Japanese girls and how Sex rules his life. While this may turn you off initially, this is by far their best record and as time went on everyone started to feel the same way. Rolling Stone actually changed their review a couple of years later and put it in their Musical Hall of Fame.

I really don't feel like I should get into the rest of the albums because I am sure most of you hadn't gotten this far. This is an insane rant. So I am just going to let the cover of their new album speak for me.

I actually don't care if you listen, they are a golden gem of a band.

The Silver Lining

2008-04-22T14:42:00.000-07:00

This going to be short and too the point.

I think Bluetooth Headsets are fantastic. Not because they let me talk without having to use my hands, cause that was getting old fast, but because I know that Insane people benefit from them too. 3 Years ago, When a person would be talking out loud in public, everyone used to stare and say to themselves, "What the hell is wrong with that man? Just talking to himself like that! What a crazy person!" Or they would just giggle and how do you think that made the crazy person feel? Probably pretty bummed.

However! The release of these new Bluetooth Headsets have allowed people to get used to the idea of talking out loud. Now if someone is talking out loud people think he is just on the phone.

Do you realize how great this is?! Crazy people can roam the streets freely talking as loud as they want. They can have louder and better conversations with the "friends" that only they can see! And why must it only be one invisible friend that he talks to? Why not hundreds? These new headsets have allowed people from all walks of life, mostly the crazy ones, talk without guilt.
They can talk for hours about why mayonnaise tastes like toothpaste if it has been on the sidewalk for week! This is groundbreaking!

So do yourself and the crazy people around you a favor and buy a Bluetooth Headset. You will still feel important and it will only cost you around $50. Which is way better than the latest mac gadget, the Mac Book Air, or as I like to call it "A Bad Idea". This computer costs around $1800 and is just downright silly.

To Sum it Up:

Headsets help crazy people feel better about themselves. It's that simple
=

Ohio is for Losers

2008-04-18T16:13:00.001-07:00

We all like Hot Topic right? Probably not. Yet, while we can rely on them to manufacture and sell clothing that is extremely displeasing to the eye, we apparently cannot trust that their clothing is factually acurate. Case in Point: Ohio is for Lovers

This shirt....plagues me. As we all know the plague was a severe epidemic that wiped out thousands of people. While this shirt most likely hasn't caused the physical death of many, it certainly has left millions of people clinically brain dead. How you ask? Because there is no way you would desire to purchase this shirt unless you had a severe mental lapse or your brain just melted completely.

I mean, why? What does it even mean? When I feel in love, my mind doesn't fondly drift off to images of Ohio. Eating Potatoes, Humidity, Eating Wheat, Not having electricity or the key to happiness - these are all the things I equate with Ohio, not love.

What are you trying to tell people by wearing this shirt? With a piece of clothing you are usually trying to show something about yourself. For instance, if you wear a UC Santa Cruz shirt, you or a family member most likely attends that school. Therefore you are likely to have an affinity for the school and want to show people that. Another point, If you are wearing a dress from Guchi, you most likely have way too much money on your hands. On top of this, you probably only feel valued if you can spend what a normal man earns in a couple months, just on one evening's formal attire. Both of those examples express something about themselves that they are trying to get across to another person.

Yet, what are you trying to express with Ohio is For Lovers. That you feel Ohio is a place of lovers? If its so wonderful and love is truly one tractor ride away, then why are you here at a Mcdonald's in California? Doesn't Make Sense. But, I'm not done.

Love has been and will most likely always be coupled with Marriage. Cause what do you do when your in love? Get Married. That's just what you do. However, In 1998 Ohio's Divorce rate was 46,042 divorces per year. While North Dakota and South Dakota combined has an annual divorce rate of 4,678 divorces per year. That means that the Dakota's combined have 41,364 divorces less than Ohio and you could almost fit four Ohio's in the space that North and South Dakota take up.

I know that was very arithmetical (This is a real word), but I am just proving, like yogurt, that there is no reason for this product. There is just simply no reason to have an Ohio is for Lovers Shirt. If you didn't quite understand everything. Read it again, it makes sense. Then go burn your T-Shirt cause I can see right through it anyway.

Spectacular Historian

2008-04-14T09:20:00.000-07:00

I know this is a bizarre post, but something has haunted me the past couple nights.

In my class that I am currently taking called, American/Japanese Memories of WW2, the class is going over the process of remembering and how social memory is constructed. Pearl Harbor is a good example. Right after Pearl Harbor, everyone was up in arms wonder how the heck something as destructive as this could have happened on our shores. Some felt that it was the Roosevelt administration's fault because they were trying to get a "backdoor" into WW2. Since the general public would have never joined such a war of this magnitude just for valor, it made sense that the government let Pearl Harbor take place in order to justify entering "The Great War."

Others, felt that we were just a nation that wasn't ready. We were a "sleeping" nation and need to step up our security. Hence why the Central Intelligence Agency and other things of this nature were born.

Overall, there were many different theories of why this happened. All of these are important because we still to this day do not know how this happened. We need to keep asking questions, not seek after an official apology from Japan like we did in later decades. I mean come on, we are looking for them to apologize for bombing one of our military zones, while we went on to drop the atomic bombs on two places in Japan that were entirely civilian. It doesn't seem fair.

HOWEVER! THIS IS NOT WHAT BOTHERS ME!

As time went on, Pearl Harbor began to get pushed in the back row of our brains. Life went on, other wars happened, so it goes. Yet, Pearl Harbor has not remained something to be studied, it has been made into a part of "Spectacular History."

On Memorial day of 2001, Michael Bay's Pearl Harbor opened up to enormous crowds all over the world, even in Japan where some of the dialog was altered to prevent controversy. Now, most people of this generation have seen Michael Bay's Pearl Harbor and it has shaped their memory of this event. Since the general public are not avid historians, mass media spectacles are all they have to look to for important events such as Pearl Harbor.

What really bothers me is that it appears that Michael Bay has become the common man's historian.

Is that scary to anyone else? Does anyone else feel differently? I know these are just my thoughts, but I wanted to know how you guys feel about this. Let me know!

Michael Bay AKA The Devil

Too Much Time on My Hands

2008-04-11T10:57:00.000-07:00

Although this is not a life changing or sincerely thought provoking post, I just want to address the issue that some people are awesome. These people, usually have way too much time on their hands and create something that is truly Awe inspiring. However, they always get overlooked because....well... I don't know why they get overlooked. Yet, on this blog, we will take a look at these geniuses that make America what it is today, creepy and bizarre. Let's have a look see

First Example:
Melanie Coles, 22, loved the 'Where's Waldo?" books so much that she took the character out of the books, and into our hearts. By hearts, I really mean Google Earth. Coles painted a large Waldo on the roof of her apartment so that way people can look for Waldo's friendly face on Google Earth. To me, this is awesome. This is an idea that would only seem to come to you when your the opposite of sober. Yet, she thought about it, took time off of not working, and made her dreams come true. Check out the picture below

Congrats, Melanie.

I will post more examples of people that are awesome in the near future. If you have any examples in awesomeness, post it in the comments. These people need to be seen and heard about. Cause while it's simultaneously depressing and interesting, there is a dash of fun mixed in there and thats what counts. I am a total loser

Baby Baller's

2008-04-08T13:27:00.000-07:00

Like most people whom are consious, there are a lot of things in America that perturb me. While things such as Tyler Perry's fame used to be in the forefront of my mind as very disturbing, it is starting to be taken over by the idea of the Brand Name. If you have a tv or have been outside your house in the last 100 years, you will notice that brand names are quite a big deal to the American public. They are important for two reasons. 1) Is that sometimes the more well known brands offer a more quality product. For Example, a pair of "Levi's" jeans may last longer and be made of a more comfortable material than from the "Kurt Duggan's Jean Machine" company. This, to me, is understandable.

The Second reason is that people like brands name because
it makes people feel better about themselves and unconciously gives them a feeling of superiority. To me, this is really depressing. A perfect example of this is Louis Vuitton. While I do not know a member of the Vuitton family and cannot say anything bad about the man himself, his products serve absolutely no purpose what so ever in this world. One of his pursues or handbags, however you spin it, costs about $1,180. I would pray that any normal person would look at this and laugh. However, there are a privileged few whom think it is completely economical to spend that much money on something that holds your wallet, keys, and possible Chihuaha that wears a blue cardigan. I just don't get it.

While this Brand Name thing has always bothered me, I have always pushed it into the back of my mind. Yet, while I was listening to NPR last night, I heard about the newest Brand Name product that was sweeping the nation. Upon hearing this news, I pulled over my car to wait out the oncoming conniption fit that was soon to take place . Bug-a-Boo has released a baby stroller that is $800 dollars. While I know some of you are saying, "Can you put a price on your sweet and precious baby?" I don't know and frankly I don't care if you can because your not doing it for the baby, you are doing it for you. The baby doesn't give a damn if you push it in a padded shopping cart, as long as your not dragging it on the ground. Your doing it so you can have the Brand Name, which carries with it the rewarding experience of momentary envy from people who otherwise would have nothing to do with you because it clear that you make horrible decisions.

Is there any reason for this? Can anyone help me? Please help me understand this!

I Heart Guns

2008-04-07T00:06:00.000-07:00

I am not sure how I feel about the news of Charlton Heston's death. It is kind of shocking. I mean he is such a revered actor and Gun Toting badass that I don't really know how to feel. He brought life to the roles that he portrayed on film and probably took the life of many people by encouraging more people to own guns.

What do you guys think?

Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can't Lose

2008-03-25T17:40:00.000-07:00

Spring Break. We need a break. We all do. College students everywhere just need one week where they can just sit and do nothing. Maybe a bit of drinking. Maybe a main-line a little PCP. You know, guy stuff. Doesn't matter what we do or where we do it. This week is for me.

This is the ideology that surrounds spring break. MTV shows us from Cancun just what college spring break is all about.....Bad Decisions. Any channel, not just MTV, has their own idea of what a real spring break is and they all revolve around poor decision making. While TV and other facets of college life tell us that drinking, sex, and drug use are what making up the bulk of bad decisions made on spring break, that is not entirely true. I have abstained from all of the above, yet have made truly truly bad decisions during this spring break.

During this epoch, I first veered off course when I purchased the ever addicting Rock Band for the Xbox 360 Console. I don't even have an Xbox. Yet, I thought it would be a swell idea to buy this anyway. What makes this worse is that I had a moment of realization amid this temporary insanity. I had the Rock Band in both of my hands, because it is way too large to fit in just one hand, and I looked among my fellow Costco shoppers. Hundreds of people, some can barely meet the sustenance level in their finances, buying food for their families. I saw this, took this in, but still walked out with the game.

After this, I chose to spend some mornings just drinking coffee and watching Kathy Griffin specials. I could go on with how I spend other days but I fear I may be too dismayed to even reminisce about yesterday's sluggish endeavors.

The point is, that you don't have to be an alcoholic, a sex addict, or a coke head to unappreciated the life you have been given. You can do it by being selfish and not spending every waking second showing love to.....well....anyone.

The week is not over...do something that makes someone, anyone, feel loved. Please....also, don't buy Rock Band.

A Meditation on Yogurt

2008-03-14T12:27:00.001-07:00

I, Reid Volk, am going tackle a topic that is very difficult. I do know full well that this may turn my friends, family, and possibly my local Yoplait dealer against me. Yet, I do feel like I need to address this issue....so here it goes...

I do not understand why people put Yogurt into their bodies. Notice that I did not say eat or drink. This is because you cannot eat or drink Yogurt, you ingest it.

If you say that you eat yogurt your fooling yourself. While some may make the chewing motion while this stuff is in their mouth, there is nothing to chew. It will say this again because it is something that needs to be repeated...There is nothing to Chew! You might as well try to drink it, but ah Ha! my next point!

You cannot drink this stuff either. It's just a tad too thick. One company tried to market a drinkable yogurt and I was so angry that I held my breath until I passed out. Drinkable yogurt is really just Vitamin D Water, or Dairy Water. Neither of these are comforting to me and that is why I don't buy this filth.

In Essence, you ingest it. In order to do that, one must grab a spoon or a spork (Thank God some people still find this a useful utensil). Then, one must dig into the plastic container to retrieve this "food." Which is a whole other reason not to touch this stuff, how demeaning is it that you have to take a least a half hour to dig into a container, just to enjoy this product. It's homework in a cup and nobody likes homework. Once, you get this stuff out, you then have to put it in your mouth and your mouth has to decide what to do with it.

While a person could just tilt their head back and experience this gelatinous mold slither down their throats, most people prefer to just push it around with their tounge until it is in a position to swallow.

On top of this, what is the point of putting it in your body?

There are very few calories, so you cannot claim your ingesting it just to get some good calories in you. Also, If you claim that your eating it because its a low calorie snack, then your an idiot because while it may be low in calories, its not filling. If its not filling then its not worth eating because then as soon as your done, its like you never ate anything at all. Tylenol is more filling and at least you won't have a headache afterwards from trying to figure out why the hell you ate it in the first place.

Overall, yogurt is filth. There is no reason why anyone should eat it. If you really feel like you must get your yogurt "fix". Then dig your fingers in the container and rub it on your tounge because other than that, yogurt is absolutely worthless.

Worthless

Unadulterated Time, That's All I Ask

2008-03-06T14:35:00.000-08:00

I really hate growing old. Not so much for the mushy skin and insatiable urges to get coffee at Macdonald's at all times of day (Seriously, look at an old person at Macdonald's, chances are they have a piping hot cup of coffee)

No, the reason I hate growing old is that friends don't really like to hang out, they like to "meet." It's never, "Come on over, lets eat bugles and watch Outbreak backwards so it looks like the people are getting better" anymore. Growing older reduces it to, "Hey man, I have some time from 12 - 1 tomorrow. Want to grab lunch?"

Grab lunch? I can grab lunch any time of day. Grab lunch means touching food in an abrasive manner, not two people spending valuable time together. Also, I never feel like I want to meet someone if they want to "grab lunch". They are going to eat at that time anyway. I don't want to have to try to steal attention away from your club sandwich. If you really cared about getting together with me, you would say, "Let's hang out and maybe we can fit in a blooming onion at Chilis if time permits."

If you want to see me, see me. Don't include me into your daily schedule. It doesn't show that you care at all. It just says, "hey you mean a lot to me, I am just unwilling to fit you into my schedule."

That's all I have to say about that

The Beatles Place in History

2008-02-25T19:00:00.000-08:00

Why them? While Then? Why Now?

How are they just seen as probably the most universally lauded band on this earth? Was it just the time period? Was it the music? Or was a lost generation looking for something to give them hope and the Beatles were it?

This is sad because I am going to one day be considered a "historian" and I am already starting to think like one. While the Beatles write absolutely beautiful music that is in itself "timeless", I believe the culture of that period made them the legends that they would be for generations after John Lennon was killed.

When the Beatles were creating music, America was in neckdeep in the turmoil of the communist scare. Father Russia was breathing down our necks and like a teenager, we weren't giving into his demands no matter how horrific the stakes were. This was also the hayday of the Civil Rights Movement and things weren't looking up.

So when the Beatles touched American soil for the first time in 1964, we needed them.

Khaliq Nizami states that, " Once a social idea appears at such a stage of human suffering it grips the masses and becomes a material force. "

While someone could say it is a stretch to think that the Beatles were a social idea, I don't think it is a stretch at all.

It seems that the phrase "All you need is love" isn't dormant on most people's minds.

At that time, people were just looking for love. No War, No Segregation. While you cannot make that general assumption for all strata of society, it was enough of the population to make the entire idea of the 1960's that of uprising and reformation.

The "war" in Vietnam is over. Minorities have the right to vote. Yet the ideas of the Beatles still spark the nations interest. While a familiar tune can go a long way, the idea of hope and love that encompase the Beatles music is timeless as long as we are alive. For there is a new war and the struggle for civil rights is far from over even though it isn't as actively in the limelight.

In the midst of all of this, all we long for is love. All we need is love, even when it seems so out of reach. That is why I believe the Beatles live on to this day and will spark the minds of generations to come.

I am not an expert on anything, if you have any comments or disagree, let me know.

Late Night Dining

2008-02-08T00:18:00.000-08:00

Oprah has told countless Americans to not eat before they go to bed. I know that Oprah is broadcast to many nations, but America is the only country stupid enough and sufficiently equip to gorge themselves before bed time. I just had a large burrito and I am not feeling so well. The sad part is that it didn't even seem like a good idea at the time. It is like when you are locking your keys in your car and you are watching yourself close the door. Depressing. Anyway, My botched knowledge/rationalization tells me that if I drink extra coffee in the morning, the little kick the caffeine gives to my digestive track will even me out. I know this doesn't make sense. That is why nobody ever locks their keys in their car just once.

These blogs may make a reader think that my life is coming out of its hinges. It is not. The last blog has helped me put more time into the Bible, yet I still watch Lost. I am not perfect, yet as time goes on I am slowly learning that the scales are tipped in the wrong direction and I just need to take the time to recalibrate.

Life is good. My girlfriend got a blog. She is amazing. I will put a picture of her up here soon. She is soooooo beautiful.

Listening: Mars Volta, Nada Surf

There is Never Enough Time for the Things that Will Pass Away With Me

2008-02-04T19:44:00.001-08:00

I don't know what it is. I am sure this transcends all generations, but it seems there is never enough time to do the things that I want to do. "What I want to do" is usually meaningless things that will not advance me in this life. Unless your idea of progress is being able to recite musing facts from ABC's Lost verbatim.

That example hits close to home because as I am sitting at my new job, I am dreaming of finally getting home and watching the third season of Lost. As I dilligently/belligerently look how to stream episodes online, I am careful not to get a glimpse of messageboard spoilers that might give away crucial facts. This would of course would put a damper on the "fun" that I have lined up for this evening.

Why am I dreaming of this crap? I know my life is but a vapor but it seems I have chosen to focus on what Jack and Kate are doing on this Island. I do believe, that the Bible has all the answers and everything that I need to shine in this lifetime, yet I do not give 1/8 of the time to the Bible as I do to trying to find out what the hell is happening on a single episode of that God forsaken show.

This is tonight and tonight will be over. Yet, there is always a chance to get "Lost" lurking over mine and everyone's head. That need to fill and consume. Engage. Consequently, the fantastic people running our nation have found out how to channel our needs for their good.

This is a very Lost blog. It meaning and in importance/coherence. But it still lingers. We cannot seem to put our fingers on these feelings. But they are alive and if we don't strive to break from them, we will always appease them. Which is why I am here right now. Writing to you guys. Just filling myself until I need some more.

Listening to a lot of: Killswitch Engage, Slipknot, Ryan Adams (Odd?)

American Gladiators

2008-01-07T01:28:00.000-08:00

I don't really know what to say. I witnessed the rebirth of one of the greatest television events this world has ever seen. I watched the first breathtaking hour of American Gladiators and instead of being completely distraught and aggravated at NBC for destroying one of the best shows ever, I was pleasantly surprised. I loved how they maintained the spirit of the show and stuck with the gaudy attire that housed these muscular beasts. There was muscles flying every which way, water that was temporarily a flame, and.... HELLGA!
Yet... Most of All There was Spirit...Passion...and a new hope for a world ravaged with war and civil discontent.

I think American Gladiators can and will give America the hope to press on... and if it doesn't at least we get to see people in spandex being degraded by people three times their size.

When Bad Ideas Continue to go Bad

2007-12-21T12:28:00.000-08:00

When I first started this blog I thought, "Great, not a single person listens to me. So, I need a viable alternative to just talking to myself out loud. After all, I feel as though I am the funniest man alive. Although this ego centric view isn't seen as one of my most loving features according to other people(people not funny enough for me to mention their name), it is still very true. I am my own number one fan.
For Example: I will say a witty remark to someone that will completely change their sense of what they know is funny. This is just second nature to me so I forget that I said it, while the other person is just floored with how inferior they are to my hilarity. They will then try to steal my thunder and recycle my words over and over again just to make themselves feel better. Finally, they will then say it back to me at a later date and I will think it is so funny. However, as soon as I find out that I was the origins of this comedy, I will usually just say, "that makes sense."

For those of you who followed along, thank you for basking in my love for myself. For those of you who couldn't keep up.........I don't know what to say. I feel bad for you now and I don't even know you....This is awkward.

Anyway, When I first started this blog, I thought this would be a great way for me to get my thoughts out into the world. Yet, School and a girlfriend consumed most of my time. This is ok, because I love giving all my time to my education and my girlfriend, I just wish that I had more time to give you what you all want, which is my thoughts.

Just so you know, I am feeling good. I am alive. I am on break. I am filling my time watching the Ken Burns documentary: The War. This...is surprisingly not as funny as I thought it would be. The rest of my time is filled with a lot of Academy Award winning films such as: Psycho (Best Black and White Creepy Film), Santa's Slay (Best Movie Starring Bill Goldberg), Halloween, Hatchet (Not the Gary Paulson book), The Devil's Rejects, House of 1,000 Corpses.... You get the picture.

This is very much an unintentional Rob Zombie break. I have even watched his films with Directors commentary. This has yet to make any impact on my life.

Also, I am reading the distinguished author Dean Koontz. If you haven't read his books, they usually deal with gripping plot lines that include Pulitzer worthy characters such as, Boy, Girl, Giant Spider, Elvis, Another Giant Spider, Alien, Dog-Monkey, Monkey-Dog.

I know what your thinking. "But Reid! Why I am so bored with my life that I am actually reading your blog and posting comments (Which nobody has)?"

This hurts my feelings, but let's pretend you asked.

"Reid, why after a grueling quarter at school, reading intense history books, taking care of friends and family, and keeping up with your band (JRuss&the T's), are you just filling your vacation with mindless crap?"

My answer to this is......yes. Because I don't know how to answer it any other way. I just am.

Love, Greed, Lust, and the Holiday Season,
Reid

Horror Movies

2007-10-10T01:13:00.000-07:00

I constantly find myself in this situation. I fight everything that I know can be described as rational thought to stay up late to watch horror movies when I should be getting sleep. I don't really watch movies that much anymore. Which makes it more puzzling to try and understand why only late at night I get a craving to watch some horror movies. This doesn't happen very much, but when it does, I wake up in the morning wondering why my standards of living stoop so low in the late night hours. When I do indulge in a movie, it should be good, educational, and most importantly...guilt free.
When I was younger. The movie child's play terrified me. I remember sleeping on the floor in my brother's room because I kept hearing footsteps in my room. Even though it was all in my head, those little feet tapping across my white carpet nearly ruined any chance of good sleep. What makes it even more bizarre was that I was well on my way to three hundred pounds at the time. (I was really hungry, but that's another story). I didn't seem to realize that the size difference would make quite an immense challenge for the little guy. Although my severe sedentary lifestyle would give him virtually an immobile target, I doubt that whatever sharp object he could muster in his little hands would barely be able to pierce my impenetrable wall of...well...fat.
So when I finally reached the age of realization that one chance encounter with Chucky (His Surname) would end in me slaying him, I embraced horror movies.
I started to watch them and wonder why I was afraid it the first place. I like to see the ways people deal with fear. Whether being chased by a doll, or a man in a mask, or a Kitten named Friskers who has an insatiable thirst for blood, I like to see how people handle scary situations. The uncertainty of Death is the one thing that everyone has in common and remains the one topic that not many really chose to explore. When we explore this "dark side" if you will, it can be a good coping mechanism for an uncertain future.
There are many different reasons why someone may want to watch these films. Whatever my reasons, they certainly aren't reasonable enough to watch some of the crap that I do.
Which brings this little charade full circle. There really is no good reason why I watch this filth. Yet, sometimes I am still drawn to it. I'll try to tone it down, but you know what they say...................Please someone give me a musing anecdote so I don't feel so bad for watching these movies. It's starting to get really depressing.

Little Seahorse

2007-10-08T08:44:00.000-07:00

I really don't know why I am doing this right now. I believe that this is more for myself than anyone else. I don't really have any fun or musing things to say on a daily basis. However, I do believe I am very perceptive to human awkwardness or suffering. While that sounds slightly morbid or just plain creepy, I like to people watch. I want to take the time to see why people are the way that they are. Why they do the things that they do. I am part of this life sentence of an observation experiment. I constantly do things that I am like, why the hell did that happen?
All I know is that if it was important enough in my own brain to do something as outlandish as start a blog, then I have something to say. Whether or not you hear it, at least it is out there.
It will be out there.

I will talk about music.
Random things I see in my day to day.
How I am feeling.
Other things that I know really won't be exciting to anyone else but me or my twin brother Garrett Fogaltine, whom I am still convinced exists but probably not under that moniker.

I hope you enjoy random posts about absolutely nothing. Yet, for some reason or another, have importance to me. Its ok, I like me.

Listening: Devendra Banhart - Smokey Rolls Down Thunder Canyon